Page 39 of End Of Never

“You continue to destroy everything and everyone in your path, and I for the life of me can’t understand why someone who has everything can be so hateful.”

“I–I’m sorry.” Her eyes begin to tear up, but no amount of tears will ever bring me remorse for the place she put herself in, the situation she put us in.

“Sorry for what, Ava? For bullying me every day, making me and everyone else believe those wretched lies about me? Oh, what about having me assaulted, and let’s not forget about the pictures. Want me to keep going? Because the list is never-ending. You took my innocence, my youth, and now you try to take my livelihood.”

Ava blows out a stiff breath, “for all of it. You’re right. I did all of that. I started that fire; you should have let me die with it.” Her voice trails off.

I stand taller, because I am stronger now, I am wiser, and I know exactly the kind of person she is and will always be. “See, that’s the difference between you and me. You would have let me die. After all the reasons I have to hate you, I still couldn’t let you die. You have to live with all the horrific things you’ve done. Now, because of your actions, you’re as ugly on the outside as you are on the inside. Maybe the reminder will make you a better person; you’ll have plenty of time to rethink your choices in prison.” Without giving her another minute of my time, I walk out, not missing the tears that stream down her face. Crossing the threshold, I nod to the police man standing guard. “She’s all yours.”

To be honest, inside, I’m torn—torn between making Ava pay for all she has done, or letting her off the hook. The problem with people like Ava is that they take, take, take. If I had let her go free, she would not have changed, and there would be no justice. After years of her torment, I deserved justice. So I got it.

Instead of taking me home, Jace takes me to his house. “This really isn’t necessary. I will be fine at home with Haley.”

“It is necessary, I almost lost you again. You were moments away from goodbye. From a goodbye I’m not ready for. For all the things I haven’t said, for the love I have yet to give.” He shifts in his seat, moving closer, reaching for my hand. “I have loved you every day since I was eighteen; I just didn’t know it. But I do now. I’m not leaving you, and you don’t get to leave me, not without hearing me out. I’ve left once before with unspoken words, and I won’t do it again. You’re—” Jace looks down as he rubs my hand.

“Too pretty to burn in a fire?” My smirk grows into a full-on smile when his eyes grow, and his brows fuse.

“You’re mine, Lilla Lane.” He kisses my hand and jumps out of the truck, leaving me and my emotions alone as he runs to my side.

Getting inside was easier than I thought. “Where is Zeus?” I slowly make my way to the couch.

“With Hayden, I didn’t leave your side, so he helped me out. Haley packed you some bags.” Of course she did. “I’ll get you set up, and then I probably need to shower.” I couldn’t agree more.

“If you're sleeping in bed with me, yes, you definitely need a shower.” I stand from the couch.

“First night sleeping over and you’re already inviting yourself to sleep in my bed?”

“I just thought— I can totally have the couch… I just—” He scoops me off the ground, carrying me down the hallway.

“It’s cute, I wouldn’t let you sleep anywhere else, baby.” His strong arms wrap around me, slowly laying me onto his bed. Pausing just before he pulls away completely, his eyes dance between mine and my lips.

“Kiss me.” Without hesitation, he leans in, grabbing my face, stealing my breath and my heart. Our lips glide with one another in sync, his tongue brushes against mine, pulling a whimper from me, and a deep groan from him. I pull away slowly, “Go shower, and come to bed.”

He kisses my forehead and heads to the bathroom, while I sink into his big, comfy bed and let the pillowtop hug me into a deep sleep.

Darkness drapes over the room, stealing each breath, suffocating me slowly. Heat courses through my body, burning my skin, boiling my blood, baking me from the outside. Each breath grows dense, a wheeze strangles my voice, and the screams for help fall silent. SAVE ME, HELP! With each thought, my body urges me to move, but I’m immobile. My weighted body is giving out, HELP ME! HELP!

“Lil, Lilla!” I hear it, my name, please, please, don’t let me die. “Lilla, come on, wake up!”

Jolting awake, sweat rolls down my forehead, my shirt is soaking wet, and my breath is jagged. “I—I can’t.” I grab my chest, determined to pump my heart myself and give myself the oxygen my body needs. “I—”

“Come on, baby. You're safe. I got you, you’re safe.” His hand slides under my back, lifting me from the now-soaked sheet. “Breathe, slow and easy. Feel my hand, ground yourself. You’re safe.” My breaths become less labored, the darkness falls away, taking the suffocating feeling with it.

“I…I don’t know what happened. I thought I was—suffocating.” He rubs my back gently, up and down, soothing every thought that spiraled moments ago. My chest tightens with each breath. With each slow, controlled breath, I remind myself I am safe; I am not burning alive. I got out alive, and I will not die, but with every truth my mind tricks me. The fear overtakes the truth, making my heart clash against my chest and reminding me of the heaviness and darkness. All the memories parade around me in the darkness. Reminiscing on the tortures of Ava, the leaving of my parents, and Jace. The never-ending feeling of being alone, and wanting nothing more than to float with the sticks. Not because I wanted to die, or maybe sometimes I did, but really, I wanted to feel something.

“You suffered a lot, but I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.” I can’t help but shake my head, because the thing about promises is they always get broken. No one can save me from my past trauma; only I can conquer the terrors that keep me up at night.

“Don’t. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” As soon as the words fall from my lips, his lips touch my wet cheeks, forcing my eyes to meet his.

“I intend on keeping every promise I make. I will spend the rest of my life proving myself to you, owning every promise. Come on, let's get you changed.”

After getting changed, I slide back into bed. Jace lies on his back on a new gray fitted sheet. “Sorry about the sheet and waking you up.” Pulling up the covers, Jace rolls onto his side, now facing me. I take in his sweetness and the way his soft voice brought me back, the way he made me feel at ease with only a few words. His eyes scan over me, watching me as my mind reminds me why I wanted him all those years ago.

“Let me hold you. Let me make it go away, as I did then.” He opens his arms, making a spot just for me. Just like he did when I was seventeen, my body molds into his frame, closing off every gap and crevice that was once between us—like two pieces of a puzzle, fitting perfectly together, erasing the line between them, and creating one piece. I knew he was my other half, the one my heart and soul longed for. I tried to hate him, I lied to myself for months, pleading for the memory of the way his fingers felt draped around my torso would fade. Or the way his heart beat with mine, easing all the pain I had ever felt, replacing it with peace. I prayed that my forced hatred would destroy all the ways I wanted him.

I remember asking him to take it away, the pain, the thoughts, the night. I wanted him to bleed it from my memory, to make me forget. I slide into his warm embrace, lying on my side, with a pillow supporting my leg. Jace’s soft voice vibrates my back, “I have to work tomorrow night. I’ve asked if Mr. Wilder would sit with you while Hay and I work.

I turn my head back, “I don’t need a babysitter, I’ll be okay, I promise.”