Page 51 of End Of Never

Haley steps forward, slowly moving towards him, “Can we talk?” Hayden turns his head towards Haley.

“Does it look like I want to talk?” His chest rises and falls as sarcasm latches onto his harsh words. “Does it look like I want to know why you were here and I wasn’t? Does it look like I want to know why you couldn’t just keep him alive, Haley?! You had one fucking job, and you failed.” His voice is rising, as is his temper. Haley starts to cry as tears roll down her face, she crosses her arms trying to hold herself together, before she runs to her room. Lilla stands there with her jaw dropped and confusion sketched on her face before running after Haley.

“No. Absolutely fucking not, Hayden. You get to be mad, you get to scream, and you get to break shit. You get to feel this shit feeling, but you don’t get to hurt people just because you are hurting. You just looked at the girl who dropped everything to care for him, who helped you out, and basically said she killed him. That’s fucked up, no matter how hurt or broken you are. Be sad, Hayden, be mad, but don’t be a dick.” I zip past him, as he sits catching his breath, his eyes locked on the floor, his hand squeezing the countertop.

Entering the back bedroom, Haley is sobbing, “Come on, you can stay with us tonight.” She shakes her head no.

“I’m not leaving him. I can take it. I just– it caught me by surprise. It’s been a long day. I’ll stay and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.” I shake my head at her words.

“No, you shouldn’t stay.” I step to the bed, and Haley stands, her hands shaking as they run through her hair.

“I can’t leave, please, Jace, just hear me. I promised… I am staying. Just go. I’ll call if I need anything, if we need anything.” There is no hope in getting her to change her mind. I understand what she is saying. I don’t break promises either.

“Alrighty then, slide over. We’re all sleeping here.”

Chapter 41

Lilla

It’s been two weeks since we buried Mr. Wilder. Jace and I are back at work and trying our best to get back into the swing of things. He has been holding it together better than I expected, but I think he’s being strong for Hayden. Haley has been working alone at the Wilders’ house, cleaning it out. I stop by to help her, as does Jace, who goes over once a day for a check-in. We are all worried about Hayden, but there is no controlling how someone swims in grief; either they fight to stay afloat, latching onto those who offer a buoy, or they sink and hope like hell they find a reason to shoot back to the surface. We have tried to talk to him, or guide him, and to help in the best ways we know how, to no avail; he pushes deeper with each reach. So, now we sit just within reach and wait for him to take hold.

After work today, I am exhausted, and it isn’t all because of my job. Actually, the new building is running great, the clients love it, and I love my job just as I always have. I’m exhausted because my mind is on a constant loop of help Jace, help Haley, help Hayden, so tonight I decide I’m going to take care of me.

I’ve decided to march into my home, grab a bag of cookies, and take a nice hot jet bath with a good spicy romance and candles. Because even in the chaos, I have to take care of myself, or I won’t be able to take care of them.

Walking into the house, my stomach immediately growls, the smell of herbs and garlic tingles my nose, making my mouth water. I set my keys down as Zeus runs between my legs, barking and licking my scrub pants. “Hey, sweet boy.” I give him a good back scratch, and he leans in, approving the much-needed love.

Jace slides out from behind the half wall. He is wearing faded dark blue jeans and a white t-shirt that hugs his muscles in all the right places. His paramedic blue baseball cap sits backwards, and a kitchen towel hangs over his shoulder. “Hey, mama, how’s our beautiful lady?” My cheeks heat at his words. The longer my eyes wander over his physique, the harder I squeeze my thighs together.

“What’s all this?” He smiles and winks while handing me an ice-cold lemonade.

Leaning in, he places a sweet kiss on my forehead, “Taking care of you, baby.” Grabbing my hand, he pulls me into the dining room. He slides out of my chair, “Sit.” His command is sexy as he makes his way through the kitchen, keeping his eyes locked on mine until I do as he demands.

I look around at everything he has done, the soft music, the table topped with candles, flowers, breadsticks, and ice water. He thought of everything, and to top it off, he made my favorite food, “Lemon chicken pasta, your favorite dish, for my favorite lady.” He winks as he sets my plate down. The steam swirls under my nose, making my mouth water.

“This looks and smells incredible.” He bends over, stealing my lips before taking a seat across from me.

Wasting no time, I take a big, extremely hot bite, happily suffering through it as the butter and garlic mix with the noodles and chicken. I moan into the bite, catching his attention and gaining a large smile. “You didn’t have to do this, but thank you, this is incredible.” He reaches across the table, placing his hand in mine.

His eyes lock on mine, making a blush creep up my neck at the way his eyes scan mine. “You’re right, I didn’t have to. I did this because I wanted to. Because you deserve it. You’ve been so helpful through all of this.” He slowly moves his hand, grabbing his water. “Haley gave me a letter, the one from Mr. Wilder. And I’d like to read it to you.” I set my fork down, giving Jace my undivided attention.

“Only if you're sure.” He gives me the slightest grin and softest eyes.

“I’m always sure when it comes to you.” We eat our dinner and talk about the day, and the weeks to come. Once we finish eating, Jace unfolds the letter and clears his throat.

“Jace, the boy who became my son, to say I am proud of you is an understatement. It has been an honor watching you grow from a boy to a man. You not only saved yourself, but also my son and that sweet Lilla Lane. The girl you haven’t stopped talking about since the moment I met ya. You’ve been saving people since before you became a paramedic, and I have no doubt you will continue to save those who need it. I’m afraid I’m running out of time, and there are a few things I need you to know. First, quit trying to figure everything out. You're going to wear yourself out; you can’t know everything all the time, so get used to the unknown. Second, hold on to that sweet girl of yours. She reminds me so much of my wife, and the way the love radiates when you two walk into a room is powerful. It’s the kind of love that awakens your soul and forever changes your heart. Whenever you find yourself at war with your thoughts, or when the feelings get too big, focus on her. Zone in on every detail…” Jace looks up, and I watch as his Adam's apple bobs as he swallows hard. He sets the letter down, his eyes lock on mine, stealing my breath. “Life is full of moments, and every moment filled with details. I never want you to think I don’t see you. The real you, and all your details, because I do.” My heart speeds up as his truth flows out, laced with adoration and desire. “I notice how you twirl your hair like a madwoman when you're stressed. I know you scrunch your nose when you're lying. I know there are twelve freckles on your left arm that, if connected, form a J. I also know you hate the color green; your eyes change hue depending on the light. And I know you grew up not knowing love, nor having felt it, and I promise to love you in every moment, shape, and form, forever. My love for you is failproof. You are my peace, and Mr. Wilder knew it, and I need you to know it, too. You are it for me, and I only hope I am it for you. More importantly, I know you’re not the girl you used to be; you don’t need me. But I need you, and trust me when I say, I am no longer the same boy I was. The boy who was a fool for leaving you. The man I am now knows how precious this time is, how god damn right you feel in my arms, in my heart, etched into my soul, and I’m afraid if I lost you again, I wouldn’t survive.”

I wipe a quick tear before it falls, catching his attention as he closes the letter. I lean forward, grabbing his hands, “Jace, you’ve been it since I was seventeen. Your love has erased everything I thought love was. Your love is kind, patient, and my love for you is forever.” I stand up, walking around the table, wedging myself between his legs, my hands slide up to hold his face, “You say our time is never long enough, but if I love you right, fully, compassionately, and wholly every day I am able, that time will have been extraordinary. Those moments, that kind of love transcends all time. Our time on this earth may not be forever or long enough, but our love can be.” Jace reaches his hand to my warm cheek, running his thumb along my cheekbone. He stands quickly, wrapping his arm around my torso, pulling me into him, as he devours my lips.

Our tongues dance in unison, drinking the love we pour into one another. His hands trace down my back, over my ass, and down my thighs, where he lifts me, wrapping my legs around his waist, carrying me to our bedroom.

Lying me on the bed, he removes my clothes slowly, taking in every detail, peppering kisses down my chest and stomach, leaving a trail of goosebumps following his path. He slides between my legs, gripping my thighs as he scoots me to the edge of the bed. “Tell me something honest.” He drops his head, kissing the inside of my thighs as he holds me open, teasing me with his soft touch.

“I love you.” I bite my lip as his tongue swipes through my center. Arching my back, I can feel him smile against me.

“And I you.” His fingers dance along my lower stomach, “Tell me what you want, Lil.” His lips graze my sweet spot, waiting for my reply. I squirm, silently begging for more. I moan as his finger finds my soaked entrance, “So wet for me, baby.” I fist his hair, pushing myself into him, “Tell me.” His eyes shoot up at me as he stares at me from between my legs.

“I–” He pushes a finger into me as the first word falls from my breathless lips. Pulling it out as I lose my train of thought. “Be a good girl, and tell me what you want from me.” He leans his head down and begins swirling his tongue in powerful circles.