Page 5 of The Planetary Systems Preservation Committee Decided We Needed a Nanny

“It is strange to ask about the quality of a person’s vulnerability,” he answers diplomatically. “My people do not engage with each other to reveal our weaknesses.”

I think about that for a moment before the words pop out of my mouth without too much concern about the consequences. “Humans create intimacy through shared vulnerability.”

“We’ve noted that,” Lora replies. “It is a common trait among the species in the galaxy. My species’ treatment of vulnerability between intimate partners is a rare cultural phenomenon.”

“Well, thank you for indulging me, then. I’m sure that was difficult.” But honestly, he kinda owes me since I gave him my blood and all.

“You’re welcome,” he responds smoothly. “I must end this communication now.”

“Alright, thank you for checking in on me. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye to you as well,” he replies a little awkwardly, and the call ends.

I look at my phone screen for a moment, then shake my head, wondering that that just happened. My attention is drawn away from the phone when the TV suddenly makes a sound.

I look up, finding that the admin is gone, and now on screen is a huge gathering of people. It takes a moment to recognize that three of the people on screen are government leaders. I assume the rest of the people gathered are also government leaders based on how they are all dressed. The camera zooms in on the US President, and that fucker starts talking in his annoying voice about how the aliens have come to save the planet.

“Bee! Bee! Get out here! The president is making a speech! Bee!” I shout loud enough to wake my sleeping cousin. She’s a light sleeper, a hold over from her days as a student nurse.

“What?” she calls back, running in from the bedroom.

I point to the TV. “The FOTUS is making a speech!”

Bee blinks twice and flops onto the couch next to me, and together we watch that fuckface tell us that the aliens are now in charge of the planet and all the world leaders are abdicating their power voluntarily so that humans don’t suffer a mass extinction event because of our ongoing and terrible stewardship of the planet.

“How did they get him to resign?” I wonder aloud, in awe of what is happening right now.

Bee pushes her phone into my face. “It looks like every government leader is making the same speech to their citizens.”

On the phone is a compilation of faces, (some of which I recognize from recent world events) speaking in their native languages. I don’t know if the subtitles are correct, but it looks like they’re all resigning or abdicating power to the aliens. They’re surrendering without a fight at all, which is…

“It’s probably the re-education plan the aliens have. They’re literally changing people’s minds about resistance and violence,” I decide. There’s no way any of these people would give up their power without a fight.

“They were doing a shitty job of it anyway,” Bee grunts. “Like, the only way things could possibly be worse under the aliens is if they literally kill all of the humans or turn us into livestock, but let’s be honest, we were already doing genocide in multiple places on this planet, and half the population of most countries is considered no better than livestock, soooo I guess we’d be worse off if the aliens suddenly started treating men the way men treat women and minorities.”

“I hate that I can’t disagree with that,” I grumble.

The abdication of power ends with a return of the admin alien and the scrolling subtitle: Planet 45789stp, locally known as Earth, is now under the control and jurisdiction of the ScaryDarkAlienVampire Empire. Resistance will result in re-education.

I watch it scroll through twice before turning to Bee. “Lora called me earlier.”

Bee slow blinks at me, points to my empty coffee cup, and frowns. “I need a cappuccino before you tell me all about that.”

I laugh, stand up, and head to the kitchen to make us both a drink. We’ll switch to wine in a couple of hours, but first: coffee.

CHAPTER FIVE

My favorite movie is The Fifth Element. Hands down. I fucking love that romantic science fiction movie from start to finish. Leeloo is badass, Korben Dallas is kickass, Ruby Rhod is sexy AF, and everyone else is spectacular. Gary Oldman does Zorg so well that I literally decided that he is an autowatch actor for me because of that movie.

Anyway, there’s a scene in the beginning where there’s a machine literally re-building Leeloo from a sample of her DNA. It’s a beautiful animation scene where the machine puts together cross sections of the body in thin layers almost like a 3D printer, but for organic parts. It’s amazing and completely unrealistic, to be honest.

Well, it was unrealistic until I decided to brave the outside world for a walk. I like being at home, but I also need to see the sun everyday, and since I spent yesterday drinking wine and eating cheese with Bee, today is a go-for-a-walk day. I walked my furry ass to the park like a good gay, and now I’m watching the construction of a huge building on columns over the business district beside the park. It’s forming the building layer by layer from the bottom up, and the machines creating it look like they are literally drawing the layers into place at lightning speed. It’s incredible to watch this massive construction happen.

I join a small crowd of onlookers and ask anyone who’s listening, “Do we know what they’re doing?”

A murmur of negative answers works its way through the crowd, but I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough. It’s not like the aliens have been mysterious about their actions. They’ve warned us what they’re going to do. We’re under their jurisdiction now, and literally every person on the planet is fine with that, or if they aren’t, the aliens are making them fine with it. Yeah, it’s a little bit of mind alteration, but no one has yet to convince me it’s worse than the alternative. I was living through the alternative; it was horrible. This is baffling, but not horrible so far.

My phone buzzes in my hand, and I swipe to answer. “Hello?” I’m not going to be upset about hoping that it’s Lora again, even if it’s weird he called me yesterday.