Page 53 of The Statistically Unlikely Reunion

It’s a hard-fought battle, and perhaps more importantly, the first competition where Lucas has exhibited actual weaknesses. Even beyond the airplane freak-out, Lucas doesn’t adjust well to the three-hour time difference. He doesn’t sleep well, tossing and turning so much that even Brody starts to complain.

More than that, Lucas seems genuinely intimidated by the wealthier Ivy Leaguers.

Brody is in his element. He recognizes several competitors from various elite summer camps they all attended, and beyond that, Brody Huntington-Branca has the unshakeable confidence that comes from having wealthy parents and a nearly bulletproof résumé. He walks through the basically three-day job fair that leads up to the contest shaking hands, scanning QR codes, and barely glancing at the free swag from the companies who are the contest’s official sponsors (and who see the competition as a recruiting bonanza).

I’m also generally unfazed.

I’ve seen this world before. The private school I once attended had an almost 40 percent matriculation rate into the Ivies-Stanford-MIT-Caltech, meaning I know this crowd.

But beyond that, my sisters are too young to be left solely with my mother. Since there’s no point in networking for an internship I can’t take, I take the free T-shirts the companies are offering and move on with my life.

Lucas, on the other hand, is rattled.

The more he sees other people’s résumés, the more awkward he feels about his community college background. And of course, the more anxious Lucas becomes, the clumsier he is. He actually knocks over a pile of free socks one of the companies is giving away, and when some asshole sees the résumé Lucas has dropped, it quickly spreads that Lucas is a community college kid in an ocean of people who went straight from boarding schools or international awards to top-twenty colleges.

Affirmative action, one kid says.

Guess Caltech won’t be a contender this year, another remarks, not bothering to whisper.

And they have a girl.

Affirmative action squared, am I right?

I tell Lucas there are bullies everywhere, even in Nerdville.

Brody tells Lucas to shake it off.

But Lucas does not, in actuality, shake anything off. When we need him to be Teflon, he turns into Velcro. And having our best programmer commit trivial errors during the actual competition means Brody and I have to double-time our efforts.

It is absolutely the reason we earn a bronze instead of the gold.

Despite the additional hours of practice.

Harvard’s silver-placing team approaches us afterward. MIT’s gold group is with them, as is Hopkins, who tied us for bronze.

“Made in Taiwan,” one of the guys from MIT jokes. He’s clearly the Arjun of that team in that he keeps reminding everyone he felt rusty this year. Last year, he did so much better.

We get it, MIT-Arjun.

You’ve done this before.

“It’s tradition to invite all the medalists to talk strategy and hang out,” MIT-Arjun, who’s actually named Kiaan, tells us.

“We fly back early tomorrow.” Brody’s looking toward us, because he’ll take any excuse to party, but he’s sensitive to the fact that Lucas has been off his game, so he’ll defer to us.

Deciding it’s easier to make it up to Brody (offer to play Counter-Strike as penance) than unbreak whatever’s happening with Lucas, I shake my head. “Maybe next time.”

“You give the orders?” one of the Hopkins guys asks.

“She’s the mommy of the team,” someone else jokes.

It’s not funny, but they all laugh.

There are so few girls that when another girl asked to bring a tampon in (reasonable given it’s a five-hour competition where bathroom breaks are expected), they had to consult a judge. Though they eventually allowed her to place it into an extra-large clear plastic bag reserved for approved snacks, the entire thing had become some weird, twisted walk of shame.

So… of course my gender’s an invitation for mommy jokes.

The Harvard guy in an Hermès scarf (because that’s necessary, at a collegiate competition) decides this is the time to push. He looks Lucas up and down very deliberately, no doubt noting that Lucas is too thin, with a beard that’s scraggly, a watch that’s clearly more sentimental than functional, and boots that are visibly, unironically, unfashionably worn.