Page 134 of Pretender

“What the hell are you talking about?” I ask, regretting the harshness of the words, but I push past it. “How can you say you didn’t just make sure you have a backup plan?”

“You’re exaggerating, Linnea. It’s not like that.”

“Don’t say that.” He’s doing the hand-thing again. ‘Reel yourself in, Linnea.’ My blood rushes. Pumping in my ears. My head hurts.

“You’re blowing it out of proportion right now. Let’s just calm down and talk it through,” Aiden says, reaching out to me, curling his eyebrows up into those pleading eyes. “Please, come here.”

No. No. No.

I’m not doing this again.

Not being charmed into submission. We’re not laughing this away.

I’m blowing it out of proportion? I’m the problem here? He’s here keeping things from me, proving he’s not ready to trust me, to choose me, and I don’t get to be upset?

I am upset.

And I’m so fucking tired of feeling like I’m not allowed to react.

Years of holding it in crash down on me. I clamp my jaws down so hard, my teeth creak.

“Linnea?”

His soft voice cracks me and I blink the stupid tears out of my eyes. He made me fall so fucking hard. My heart hurts so much, I can’t think. I need to leave before I break down completely or scream at him and make even more of a fool of myself.

I’ve pushed him away somehow. Without understanding what I did wrong. He convinced me I could be myself and he’d accept me. He’d love me. But even after opening up, letting my inhibitions go, letting him into my soul, it’s not enough… Clearly, I’m too hard to love completely.

‘You’re a waste of effort. Even your mum knows.’

“I can’t do this again, Aiden. It’s too fucking painful and I feel so much for you. If I let you—” I shake my head. “You’re going to ruin me.”

He reaches out to me and I flinch, pulling my arm closer to my body, brushing my hand over the skin of my upper arm and the memories that are etched into it. My lungs tighten, the pain so heavy on my chest, I can’t say a word.

Aiden’s eyes are wide, and he pulls his hands back. He seems frozen. Lost.

But I can’t help him. I don’t know how to get back from here.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

arse. hooole

AIDEN

I stand outside Le Lounge watching Linnea walk away. I made her flinch. She was scared of me.

Those things I just said to her… Fucking hell.

She wasn’t blowing it out of proportion, she had every right to be upset. I’m a fucking arsehole. And an even bigger one for doing what my dad did.

After all the years of desperately not wanting to be the player who hurts people along the way, of trying to be honest and act with integrity. After all the years of wanting to be the version of Dad that I wanted him to be. I still managed to fuck it up.

Linnea’s right. I hedged. I hesitated and chose to have a backup plan. Why? What the fuck is wrong with me? How could I doubt what we have?

I love her.

And I should’ve believed in us enough to make the right call back there.

I turn and walk back into Le Lounge.