Page 157 of Time To Learn

32

Kristian

Bag in hand,I drag my feet as I walk slowly down the stairs of my flat at New Beginnings.

How ironic. I’ve felt so lost for a long time and now that I finally feel I’m exactly where I belong, I have to fucking leave.

It’s not even been twelve hours since my mum rang, and even though I haven’t left yet, the heartache tears through my soul already. It burns like acid, spluttering and oozing, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m abandoning my heart—my whole life—here.

Even though I haven’t seen my father in over a decade, I have to see him now before it’s toolate.

I look up as I walk through the stables to go to the main house to say my goodbyes, and my eyes fall on Thunder as I realise he’s watching me. I stop in front of him. His intelligent, brown eyes look as sad as I feel, and, gingerly, I raise my hand and place it on his softneck.

“This fucking sucks,” I mutter and rest my forehead against his warmth.

He blows softly, twisting his neck as he reaches down to nip at my jacket. I push past the burning in my throat and take a deep breath. I don’t know what it is about this horse, but I’m sad to leave him, too.

“Take care of my girls, boy.”

Trying to find the courage—even the desire—to get on my way kills me inside, but I must. Resolutely, I back away from the horse that’s come to mean a lot to me in such a short amount of time, and I head out into the soft drizzle falling from above. The morning seems peaceful, even when there’s a war raging inside me. Somehow, I feel like the elements should reflect my inner turmoil, but it’s like any otherday.

Quiet. Cold, but not uncomfortable, despite it being the end of September already.

The taxi I’ve arranged to take me to the airport comes up the driveway, and I jerk my chin at the driver when I catch his eyes, signalling him to wait by the stables as I walk to the house.

When the front door opens, I frown, confused when all the ladies of the house come out to send me off. Ailith’s tear-stricken face sends another sharp pain through my heart. It’s almost too hard tobear.

“What’s all this?” I ask as I crouch down to meet her eyes. Her chin wobbles, making it almost impossible for me to hold the sharp intake of my breath inside. The utter sadness and hopelessness in her usually bright, sunny self, fill me with grief.

“Mummy said you’re go-going away,” she sniffles. “But I don’t understand why?! You promised you wouldn’t leave!” she cries.

Tears prick behind my eyes. I reach out for her hands and pull her gently down the last step and put my arms around her small frame.

“Shh, shh, girlie. I wouldn’t go if I didn’t have to. You know that, don’tyou?”

Anger flares back at me, making her look exactly like hermum.

“Then why, Kristian? I don’t understand.”

I wet my lips as I glance up at Laura. Her eyes are red as if she’s been crying as much as Ailith, and I have to swallow the thickness in my throat to keep my own tearsaway.

“You haven’t told her?” I ask once I’ve found my voice again.

She crosses her arms in front ofher.

“No. I thought it best youdid.”

The flatness of her voice makes irritation seethe in my gut, but I don’t want to taint our goodbye with anger. To leave us both with memories of harsh words between us when there’s no reasonto.

I sigh deeply and gaze into Ailith’s eyes, hoping I’m able to ease her heartache even for a littlebit.

“My dad is sick, girlie,” I tell her slowly, weighing my words. “I have to go home and see him before…”

I can’t finish. A part of me wants to say, Fuck it, and ignore his dying wish, but there’s a good chance I’ll regret it if Ido.

“But, you’ll come back?” Ailith’s hesitant question sends another wave of sadness through my heart. I lean closer towards her, making sure to keep her eyes locked withmine.

“Yes,” I whisper. “I’ll come back.” I glance back at Laura. “My life is here now. Of course I’ll comeback.”