Page 32 of Lovestrung

His next words made my breath hitch. “I want you to have this experience. To fly free and spread your wings. And then…” He took a deep breath, the passion in his eyes impossible to miss. “And then come back to me.”

Hope blossomed in my soul.

“To you?”

“Us,” he corrected, dashing the hope at once. “Come back to all of us.”

“Oh. Yes, of course I’ll come back.”

“Good.” His thumbs stroked my cheeks once before he stepped away. “Let’s go back to the others.”

I nodded and attempted a smile through trembling lips. “I’ll just check on dinner and get Mama and Dad drinks. Then I’ll join you.”

His lips tilted up at the corners while his eyes turned despondent.

“I’ll miss you, Pippa.”

On a low sigh, he turned on his heels and went back to the guests. I wanted to call out to him, to tell him to come back, but I didn’t.

Of course I didn’t. It was too late. Whatever he’d been about to say had to remain unsaid, at least for the time being. Ethan was right – I had to go on this journey for my own sake. If I gave in to the doubts – to fear – and remained in my job at Dad’s construction company, I was afraid I’d end up bitter, resenting myself for not having the guts to follow my dreams.

Trying to gather myself, I counted to ten and breathed deeply.

I hoped Ethan didn’t plan on coming with me to the airport on Monday. I’d already forbidden Max and Parker to tag along – saying goodbye to my parents was bad enough. I didn’t want to be a blubbering mess when I got on the plane, and I was worried that’s exactly what would happen if the whole family turned up.

No. I had to say goodbye to Ethan tonight.

The thought pierced my heart.

Leaving my family was easy, because I knew they were happy for me.

But abandoning my heart – saying goodbye to Ethan – was excruciating.

As I grabbed the glasses from a cabinet, I vowed to spend the next year enjoying myself. I’d do what I wanted to do, keep my blog updated with the things I experienced and saw, and that’d be that.

When I poured the wine, a seed of a plan rooted itself in my brain. My hand on the bottle froze in mid-air, and my heart began to pound.

No. I couldn’t…but…maybe I should. Maybe I shouldn’t deny my heart one last goodbye. Maybe he’d reject me again, but I was willing to take that risk.

What I wasn’t willing to do was give up.

7

Mad As A Hatter

All through dinner, I paid attention to my family as much as possible. The atmosphere was cheerful and loud just like always when we were gathered. Teresa, Parker’s wife of the past seven years – they had been high school sweethearts who still seemed just as in love now as they had been in their teens – was sitting opposite me, and she was eager to hear all about what I had planned to see the next few months.

She pulled at one of her bouncy, black curls, and not for the first time, I was awestruck by her beauty. Due to her African American roots, Parker had had to take a lot of shit when they became an item back in the day – unfortunately, plenty of racist bigots still lived in the South – but they’d always had each other’s backs, and it seemed the antagonists didn’t faze them at all. It only made them grow closer, and I was glad they’d stuck it out. They were madly in love, and that love only grew as the years passed.

“I don’t have everything figured out yet,” I told her as we sat down to have dessert, “but I have a list of places I want to see.”

“And then?”

“Then…” I shrugged lightly. “I’ll play it by ear.”

“Just like that?” she blinked.

I winked playfully at her. “Yes. As long as I have my laptop and Wi-Fi, my plan is to go wherever my whim tells me. You know I’m documenting my travels on my blog, right?” She nodded but still looked confused. “Well, part of my plan is to let my followers choose where I go next after my stay in Amsterdam ends in three months.” Leaning closer toward her, excitement took over. “I’ll give them three options from my main list, write some pointers down about each country, and then have them vote which option to take. Whichever gets the highest score, that’s where I’ll go.”