Page 77 of Lovestrung

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“How much do you know about my past?” Ethan murmured next to me later that night in bed. “About my life before I came to live with your family?”

Alerted by the serious topic, I tensed. “Not much. Mama and Dad always told us that you’d tell us your story when you were ready.”

He frowned and tucked his chin. “And you never questioned it?”

I cuddled closer to him, hiding my face under his chin. “No, not really. I mean, maybe we did at first, but as time wore on, it didn’t matter. Not to me, anyway.”

“Extraordinary Penelope.”

I blushed. “No, I’m not. I never was. I was just a girl who wanted to do everything to become your friend. If that meant there were parts of you I’d never get to know, then so be it. I accepted it, and…”

“And?” he pushed when my silence stretched out.

I shook my head but when he moved his arm from underneath my head and rose up, resting it next to my head and stared into my eyes, I had to tell him. I couldn’t deny him, not when his warm gaze was transfixed on mine.

“I didn’t want to make you sad by asking tons of questions,” I continued. “I knew enough about the foster system from what my parents told me to know that it would have to be really bad for any child that would end up living with us.” I traced my finger across the deep frown embedded between his eyebrows. “But when it turned out to be you...a part of me couldn’t bear to hurt you, and I suppressed the need to know. All that mattered was that you were safe.” I traced my finger across his lips. “Safe and happy.”

When the silence stretched out between us after my confession, the need to know what he was thinking overwhelmed me.

I stared into his eyes. “Please say something,” I whispered.

He shook his head and kissed the tips of my fingers. “I don’t know what to say.” The pain he so often hid from everyone blazed down at me and I gasped at the utter hopelessness shining back at me.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

He grimaced and closed his eyes. “I wish I’d been brave enough to tell you what my life was like, but the longer I stayed with you, the more scared I was of losing what I’d found.”

“Found?”

“Family,” he breathed. “Security. Your family became mine, Pen, but most of all…”

“Yes?”

He opened his eyes and raised his hand, tracing my own lips. His gaze didn’t waver from his fingers as he caressed them. “In my head, you became mine, but I was so lost in my wretched past that I couldn’t see beyond it. I daren’t hope that one day, you would be here, with me, as you are right now, but it was all I ever wanted. I wanted it so much that it terrified me. You have no idea how difficult it was to push you away when you tried to kiss me when you were eighteen.”

“There’s no other place I’d rather be but here, baby.” I forced the words through the tightness of my throat. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. Or not,” I shrugged. “It’s up to you, just like it’s always been.”

He raised his head and my heart beat increased at the tender way he looked at me. I’d never had that much emotion aimed my way, not by anyone, and the words I love you almost slipped between my lips, but I held them at bay.

“My sunshine,” he murmured. “The girl with the brightest smile…the prettiest, greenest eyes I’ve ever seen.” His thumb rested on my chin, lifting my head until my mouth was a hairsbreadth from his. “You have the fiercest, most loyal spirit I’ve had the privilege to get to know, and I’m afraid that I’ll fuck it up with you.”

“Never,” I vowed. “That’s impossible, Ethan.” I wrapped my arms around his neck, needing to be as close to him as I could possibly get. Needing to show him that I’d be his anchor, tethering him to me and willing to face whatever demons possessed him. “I’m here now, and I’m never going anywhere. No matter what, I’ll be here, ready to go to battle for you.”

He rested his forehead against mine, trembling as he crushed me into the hard planes of his body. I placed small, tender kisses on his face and neck, cooing softly in his ears. I didn’t know if it helped, but a part of me craved to soothe him in any way I could. It didn’t matter that I could hardly breathe from his weight pressing down on me; all that mattered was that he needed me, and I was determined to be strong enough to face his torment.

“My dad…,” he whispered brokenly. “He…”

“He what, baby? Tell me.”

He inhaled deeply, and my heart broke at the shuddering sound when he released it.

“He killed my mom.”

Time stood still as his words sunk in.

“What?”