Page 99 of Lovestrung

She swallowed, hard. “Then why the secrecy, Ethan? Why didn’t you trust me? Why start something with me, knowing you still had to fuck other women?”

“The only woman I’ve been truly intimate with since you came back is you.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know if I can believe you.”

Tremors shot through my body.

“I’m not a liar.”

“Omitting something as important as this is a lie,” she sniffed and dashed at my hands.

I moved them to her shoulder, but I couldn’t let go entirely. I rested my cheek against hers, not knowing what to say. “I’m sorry I hurt you. Please believe me.”

We stood there for a long time as I racked my brain for anything – something – I could say that would make her see things my way. That what I’d done wasn’t cheating.

“I love you.”

She nodded, her eyes downcast as she hugged her middle. “I believe you do, but I can’t…I can’t be here with you right now. I need to think.”

“Don’t do this,” I begged. “Don’t leave. Don’t shut me out.”

“Ethan, please…” Her eyes met mine then, and I balked at the utter blankness I saw shining at me behind the veil of tears. “Let me go for a while. I need to come to terms with this on my own.”

“I…” Grasping at straws, I pulled her flush against me and took her lips in the sweetest, most heartfelt kiss I could give her, but she didn’t respond. She didn’t kiss me back and that was when I knew I’d lost her.

Slowly, I released her and backed away. Her eyes weren’t blank anymore, but I didn’t know which I hated the most – the blankness from before, or the dull, almost bleak way she looked now.

“I need to pack my things.”

I flexed my hands hanging like lead at my sides.

“Can I at least call you later?”

She shook her head. “Please don’t. I know you wouldn’t hurt me, but you still withheld it from me, and…” She blew out a shaky breath. “I’m not sure I can trust you again, Ethan. I really don’t. I need to sort this out in my head before we talk again.”

I winced as each word cut me.

“You’re breaking my heart, darlin’.

She wet her lips. “And you’ve broken mine.”

With that, she turned away, and there was nothing more to say. For the first time in my life, I wished I had a bar filled to the brim with whiskey, ready for me to drown my sorrows once she’d left. Slowly, I walked back to the living room and my eyes caught the book on the floor. It seemed like a lifetime had passed since we’d been sitting opposite each other, about to make love, and then everything had changed.

I couldn’t watch her leave, so I grabbed a shirt from the floor and quickly pulled it on before I turned to the dogs. They sat at my front door, heads cocked, and if I didn’t know any better, there was an accusing glint in their eyes as they followed my every move.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I muttered.

When I went to get their leashes hanging on top of my coat, their ears perked up, and with them both whining at me, I put them on and left my apartment. Knowing that Penelope wouldn’t be here when I came back tore at my insides, but what could I do but accept she needed time and space?

At a loss, I trotted down the stairs, the dogs doing their best to tear my arms from my sockets. I hoped I’d have an answer when I came back from my run. The alternative wasn’t an option.

I already knew I had to fight to gain back her trust in me. I just didn’t know how. Only that I wouldn’t let my own happiness slip through my fingers like grains of sand.

V

Penelope

Could I mend my broken heart?