Page 44 of Pride, Prejudice & Wicked Pleasure

“Nonetheless, emotions can and will evade prediction.”

“But regret is a rather useless sentiment. For what purpose should I bemoan that which I cannot change and which I knowingly and willfully engaged in?”

“You would not advise, if you could, your past self to desist and take a different course?”

“I would not. The lesson was…quite satisfactory.”

A broad smile spread over Abby. “I am relieved and very, very glad to hear it. Forgive my persistence, but I wanted you to be quite certain. I once had a student who had all the appearances of confidence in what she did, only to suffer a severe case of buyer’s remorse the following day, lamenting that she had committed some great sin and could never again look her family in the eyes with honesty. Contrary emotions are to be expected, and the first lesson is always the most awkward.”

Lizzy blushed. “Your appointed instructor had a reassuring way about him.”

“Did he?”

“Yes. Though I think I provoked him at times, he was…a gentleman—if one can apply the word in such situations.”

“You can and shall! I do not take my role lightly in these affairs and prefer an honest account, good or bad, of the people I have entrusted with such significant responsibilities.”

“The instructor had an interesting set of rules…”

“Structure and discipline provide security. Many would think that freedom shall always be the preferred circumstance, but it is not so. Sometimes, there is more freedom within the imposition of limits.”

“I can accept such reasoning, though it is not in my nature to play the subservient. Men have the authority whenever they wish it, but I have always believed women quite equal to the other sex.”

“That your instructor is a man is a coincidence. I could have appointed a woman. I have always believed women superior to men in more cases than not. You, my dear, could take the role of master once you have attained the proper education and skill level. As for subservience—I think it more of an exchange. You are granting another the responsibility of overseeing your pleasure so that you may free yourself to indulge, to allow yourself, body and mind, to be present in the moment.”

“He made mention of punishment. Is that necessary?”

Abby smiled. “Perhaps not, but it adds to the pleasure.”

On the surface, such an assertion made little sense, but Lizzy felt its truth deep in the warmth of her body.

“Are you interested to see how?” Abby asked.

Lizzy nodded.

“Wonderful! And will you take a second lesson with the same instructor?”

“I would.”

The words came out quicker than she had planned, but before they could make arrangements, a servant appeared to announce Mr. Collins had arrived. Lizzy could not have been more disappointed, but she rallied herself that some time and distance from Trenwith House could prove beneficial to reflection and ease the giddiness she felt at all that had transpired here. She faced a quandary in that she had as good as promised the Collinses that she would cease her friendship with Mrs. Trenwith, but a continuance of her ‘lessons’ would not be possible without Abby.

Desperate to depart as soon as possible, Mr. Collins insisted on standing outside while the stable hands tried their best to relieve his gig of the mud clinging to the wheels. Once he and Lizzy were headed back to the Parsonage, he explained his rationale for confronting the poor roads.

“Lady Catherine is expecting her nephews. Although an explanation for your absence could have been provided—it was unfortunate but understandable that the weather forced you to stay at Trenwith House—I would rather eschew any mention of it that we may not place her ladyship or her family in awkwardness of hearing it.”

Lizzy readily agreed, for Trenwith House now held too much significance to herself. She applied herself in assisting Charlotte the remainder of the day, but only with much effort could she engage in dialogue with her friend, for her mind persisted in returning to Trenwith House and recalling the many ways in which he had touched and fondled her. How many more lessons remained? As many as desired and required by the student? How many lessons would she wish for?

“I protest,” Charlotte said later that day as they replaced fresh flora in all the vases. “You are unwell and weary. I could not require your assistance at the expense of your health.”

“It is a mere cold that sounds worse than it feels,” Lizzy replied while suspecting that her appearance of weariness owed itself to a wandering mind.

“I have seen colds worsen into influenza.”

“I assure you I feel quite up to task.”

Enough time had passed as to remove all distress of the disturbing dream Lizzy had of Mr. Darcy. She could now laugh in recollection of it, for she was sure Mr. Darcy was not a man to be found engaged in such a position. It amused her to wonder what sort of lover he could be. Despite her own limited experience, she nonetheless felt empowered to form judgment, and predicted he would be as stiff and un-engaging as he had always been in the company of others. She fancied he would be awkward, bumbling, flustered, for it would have been beneath him to appreciate and apply himself to pleasuring another human being. Woe to the poor woman who must submit to Mr. Darcy for a lover!

“What thought makes you smile?” Charlotte asked.