Page 28 of To Steal a Kiss

Matilda gaped at him. She’d suspected he had feelings for Alice, but… he’d been going to propose? So soon? Her incredulity must have shown on her face, for Nate gave a bitter laugh.

“I know. I wasn’t expecting it either,” he said with a wry smile. “I thought love was something that crept up on a fellow slowly, in increments, and that you could avoid it if you kept your eyes open, but it wasn’t like that, Tilda. Not for me. I feel like I’ve been run down by the blasted mail coach.”

“Oh, Nate,” she said, seeing the truth in his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have helped you.”

She watched as he rubbed a weary hand over his face, hearing the scratch of stubble beneath his fingers. “I know that, only I didn’t realise myself until tonight. I kept telling myself it was just that night, the moonlight, the romance of it. I thought if I saw her again, it would put everything in perspective.”

“But it didn’t?” Matilda guessed, feeling her heart ache at the look in his eyes.

“Oh, it did,” he replied, surprising her again. “It put everything in perspective. How bloody empty and shallow my life is, for one, and how it always will be, unless there is someone to share it with, someone I….”

He shook his head.

“Someone you love,” she finished for him.

Nate shrugged, but she knew her brother. On reflection, he was always like this. It was rare for him to feel passionately about anything, but when he did, that was it. If he’d truly fallen for Alice, he’d not betray her, never be unfaithful. It was the reason he’d refused to contemplate anything more serious with any other woman, knowing that when he fell, he’d fall hard.

And Alice had refused him.

“Did she… did she talk to you, say anything…?” he asked, his voice halting, and for a moment Matilda wished she had pressed Alice to speak with her.

“No, Nate. The poor girl was so shocked and upset, I couldn’t. I had to tell her maid she’d been taken ill, and the woman had no trouble believing it. She was shaking like a leaf.”

Nate groaned and slumped in his seat, the picture of misery. “This is all my fault.”

“Yes, it is,” Matilda agreed, seeing no point in evading the issue. “If you cared for her that much you should have thought of her, not your own desire.” She sighed, relenting a little in the face of his obvious distress. It was like kicking a puppy. “I’m sure she’ll come around, Nate. It’s clear she desires you, at least.”

He snorted at that. “Did you hear her when she refused me, Tilda? I’ve never heard a woman say no with such certainty. I was just a bit of fun, an exciting dalliance that got out of hand. It wasn’t anything more than that for her.”

Matilda frowned and shook her head. “I don’t believe that,” she said. “Alice wouldn’t use you like that. She wouldn’t have gone with you, left the ballroom… not just for that.”

With a weary sigh, Matilda hauled herself to her feet and crossed over to him, ruffling his hair a little with exasperated affection. “Don’t worry so. I’ll speak to her tomorrow, find out what’s on her mind. It will be all right, you’ll see.”

Nate shook his head, too gloomy to look on the bright side. “She doesn’t feel the same. It’s clear enough. If she’d rather ruin herself than marry me….” He gave a mirthless huff of laughter. “I knew I wasn’t exactly the catch of the season, but I had no idea it was that bad.”

“It isn’t that bad,” Matilda said, frustrated now. “And I’m sure there’s more to it than that. Now, go to bed for heaven’s sake. Everything will look much brighter in the morning.”

She watched as he swallowed the last of his drink and pushed to his feet. “I’m going to the club,” he said, setting his glass down and heading for the door.

“Oh, no, not now,” she exclaimed, hurrying after him. “It’s nearly two in the morning. For heaven’s sake, Nate!”

But she knew she may as well save her breath. By this time, he was downstairs and, a moment later, the front door opened and then slammed shut.

Matilda sighed. Good heavens. What a night.

***

The morning of the 25th June 1814. Baker Street, London.

Alice stared down at the hastily scrawled message from Matilda, asking her to come for tea this afternoon. She would be at the meeting for the Peculiar Ladies this morning, the note went on, but she obviously assumed Alice would not be there.

Alice couldn’t blame her for it. Going on past experience, Matilda would think she would lie low, cowering from the world.

The old Alice would have, too mortified to show her face, even if no one knew her shame.

This Alice was different, though. If she was bold enough to follow a man into the darkness and kiss him like… well, like she had, then she was bold enough to deal with the consequences.

Even if they broke her heart.