Page 66 of To Wager with Love

“I hope I can be satisfied with everything you just said,” Matilda replied, meaning it. “For I know it is also everything I should wish for, and it ought to be more than enough, more than I have a right to expect in my circumstances.”

“It isn’t what you want at heart, though, is it?” Ruth’s tone was sympathetic, and far too understanding.

“Of course it isn’t!”

Ruth and Matilda looked up in surprise at Bonnie’s terse words. Matilda had thought her asleep as she’d been sitting between them with her eyes closed this past half hour, but apparently she had been attending the conversation.

“How can either of you hope to merely be comfortable or content?” she demanded, startling them by the force of her outburst. She sounded angry, and her eyes glittered with the threat of tears. “Perhaps that is the best reality will give us, but surely to goodness you hope for more than that? Don’t you hope and dream and wish for love and happiness and a life that’s full of all of those things, a life worth living, a life that touches others and leaves them changed by it?”

Matilda reached out and took Bonnie’s hand, squeezing it tight. “Yes,” she said, holding on tight. “Yes, I do. Of course I do.”

“Me too,” Ruth admitted, reaching out and taking Bonnie’s other hand. “Though I am well aware it’s a forlorn hope, I do still dream of it.”

“And me,” Minerva getting to her feet and putting her arms about Bonnie, kissing her cheek. “I dream of impossible things all the time, every day, and I shan’t stop, though no doubt that makes me a fool.”

“Not a fool,” Bonnie said fiercely. “It makes you alive, and I refuse to live as though I’ve one foot in the grave. Not yet, at least. I’ll not give in yet.”

Matilda reached out and ruffled Bonnie’s short curls. Though Matilda had to admit the daring hairstyle suited her, they’d all been shocked by her appearance this morning, though more so when they considered how she’d excused herself early last night and retired to her room with a headache… and a full head of hair. As yet, Matilda hadn’t dared ask her what she’d been up to.

“Has Morven written to you again?” Matilda asked, wishing there was something she could do as the bleak look entered Bonnie’s eyes and she shook her head.

“He’ll not write again,” she said, her gaze fixed on St Clair’s brother as the two men strolled with Harriet, down to the lake. “He’s said all he has to say.”

“Well, you can’t leave before the wedding, that’s for certain,” Minerva said, sitting back down again. “Lady St Clair has been so generous, offering to let us stay until the big day. So, we have two full weeks at least, and with that dashing new haircut you’re bound to turn heads, Bonnie. Perhaps some man will fall in love with you at first sight.”

Bonnie snorted. “Turning heads is easy enough. I’ve been doing that my whole life, if not for the right reasons. It’s getting them to see you, to see past all the things they thought they wanted, to the things that are important, the things they really need.” She sighed and closed her eyes again. “Ach, I’m a fool and dreaming of impossible things, just as Minerva said, but I’ll do it to the last all the same, for there’s nothing else I can do.”

“As will we all,” Matilda said as Ruth and Minerva nodded and added their confirmation to her words.

Bonnie’s eyes opened again and she looked from Matilda to Ruth and Minerva. “I’m so very grateful for your friendship, all of you,” she said, a real smile at her lips. “For all the trouble I cause and all the advice I don’t heed, don’t ever forget that. I know I’ve been blessed with my friends, and that’s more than many people ever have. Thank you for putting up with me,” she added, humour in her eyes.

“It’s a great pleasure, Bonnie, and I think we would all say the same. How blessed we are to have such friends. To the Peculiar Ladies,” Matilda said, raising her teacup in a toast as the other ladies followed suit. “And to all our futures, whatever they might bring us.”

***

2nd October 1814. Holbrooke House, Sussex.

The wedding was an informal affair, held in the private chapel at Holbrooke House. Harriet’s brother gave her away as the letter informing her parents of her nuptials probably would not even have reached them yet. Lady St Clair assured Harriet that her mother had always hoped that she would marry Jasper, and there was no reason to delay. They dare not, in any case. Harriet needed the protection of Jasper’s name and he was too eager to give it to countenance the slightest delay.

Harriet was glad of that, and proud to have her brother walk her down the aisle. After his initial shock, Henry seemed pleased as punch that his best friend was marrying his sister, even though he still seemed a little bemused by the idea.

Many of the Peculiar Ladies were in attendance, too. Kitty had come running back with her new husband in tow, heedless of Harriet’s protests at having interrupted her and Luke’s honeymoon, and nearly knocking Harriet flat in her exuberant delight at seeing her friend again, and in such happy circumstances. Prue and her husband, the Duke of Bedwin, arrived with Bedwin’s sister, Lady Helena, all of them flushed with the success of Prue’s latest book, which was taking the country by storm. Matilda’s brother Nate and a blooming Alice also accompanied them. Now the first three months of her pregnancy had passed without incident, Alice seemed in fine fettle, her eyes sparkling and a smile always at her lips, though there was no question as to why, as her husband fussed over her comfort and she looked upon him with adoration. Harriet had started at the burst of longing that had surged through her when she saw Alice smooth a protective hand over the slight swell of her belly, and wondered whether she might be with child too. She waited for panic to set in at the idea but found nothing but a smile curving her lips. How wonderful and extraordinary to think it. How happy Jasper would be, and how she wanted to make him happy.

Harriet turned to him now, trying to attend to the words of the service but utterly spellbound by the sight of the man beside her. He was unspeakably handsome, and she was so very proud of him, for so much more than just his beautiful face. She would spend her married life making up for any hurt she had caused him over the past years. She would protect him from anything that could hurt or embarrass him, for she realised now that Jasper needed protecting, not that he’d ever say so. Not because he wasn’t clever enough, how could she think that when he had hidden his difficulties from the world for so long? Not because anyone need pity him either, for he was quite clearly a brilliant artist, and Harriet was in awe of anyone who could create such beauty when she couldn’t so much a draw a straight line. No, he needed protecting only from the things that made him uncomfortable and unhappy, and made him feel less than he was, and Jasper must never feel that way ever again.

Perhaps he felt the weight of her gaze, for he turned to her then, those incredible turquoise eyes fixing on her, and the depth of emotion she saw there turned her heart inside out. He smiled and squeezed the hand he held, and Harriet squeezed back, wanting to kiss him so badly that she very nearly missed the next words….

“Jasper Augustus Louis Cadogan, wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?”

Harriet held her breath as Jasper smiled at her, a smile that knocked the air from her lungs and filled her heart with every dream she’d ever dared dream since she was a little girl.

“I will,” he said.

***

“Where are you taking me?”

Harriet looked over her shoulder at her husband and grinned. “It’s a surprise,” she said, laughing at his delighted expression.