Page 14 of To Dance with a Devil

At length, the tumult quieted and Jerome collapsed on top of her, wrung out both physically and emotionally. He was honest enough to acknowledge his emotions were raw and exposed, uncertain and all in a muddle as he came back to his senses by degrees and realised what he’d just done. Again. Good Lord, what the devil was wrong with him? What did she do to him?

They were like brandy and fire, intoxicating and combustible, and whilst it might be an uncomfortable mix for a marriage, he had to persuade her it was for the best. He’d just been given another fine opportunity to get her with child and, like the unthinking bastard he was, he’d leapt at it.

Aware that he must be crushing her, Jerome rolled to the side, but having learned his lesson the last time, he took her with him, holding her close.

“Well,” he said, once he had breath enough to say anything. “Well, that….” He let out a soft huff of laughter. “You should have a warning sign tattooed on your forehead, you impossible female. Dangerous, do not touch.”

She stiffened in his arms and he cursed himself for having made a joke of it. Usually he knew better, but he’d never had to watch himself with Bonnie before. He’d said what he thought, when he thought it, but he ought to have known she was feeling as raw as he was, more so.

He turned a little, looking down at her, and cupping her face with his hand. “Ignore me,” he said. “I didn’t mean it how it sounded, only I seem to lose my mind when I lay my hands on you. I never meant for this to happen, Bonnie. Not like this, at least. Not until we were married.”

“Oh!” she exclaimed and pushed at his chest, fighting to get free of him. “Don’t start that nonsense again.”

“It’s hardly nonsense,” he retorted, struggling to hold on to her in case she bolted again. “No, stop that, listen to me. You may have escaped getting pregnant the first time, but that’s twice now, and it’s clear we can’t be in the same place at the same time without taking each other’s clothes off.”

“Oh, don’t look so perplexed,” she said, giving him another hard shove. “You know I want you, I’m female, willing and available and you’re a man. It’s hardly a difficult equation to figure out.”

“You don’t have a very high opinion of the male of the species, do you?”

His tone was dry and humourless, and this time he allowed to her to get up, uncomfortable with holding her to him against her will, no matter his desire to make things right between them.

“Goodness, how astonishing, when I’ve been provided so many sterling examples of masculinity during my life,” she spat back with surprising bitterness. She glared at him and then took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of her nose. When she spoke again, she was contrite. “Forgive me, that… that was very unfair. You are a good man, Jerome, a kind one, and I’d no business comparing you to anyone else. I know you’re trying to protect me as best you can and… and I’m touched, truly I am, but… no,” she said simply, giving him a tiny smile. “No, I won’t marry you. It would be a mistake, for both of us, and you know it as well as I do.”

“I’m not sure I do know it, Bonnie,” he said, frowning now as he considered it again. They had passion, after all, and they liked each other. They were friends. There really were worse ways to start a marriage.

She stared at him for a long moment. “Just imagine taking me to your mother and brother and telling them we’re getting married, Jerome.” He flinched before he could stop himself and Bonnie returned a sad smile. “There you go,” she said.

He watched as she rearranged her clothes and strode away from him.

“Wait,” he said, stumbling to his feet and doing up his buttons as he hurried after her.

“No.”

“This isn’t over, Bonnie.”

She gave a little derisive snort. “It never even began, Jerry. Just let it go. Help me up, will you?”

Cursing, Jerome moved to her and helped her into the saddle, watching as she covered her ankles with the thick layers of her gown.

“You will not get away from me, Bonnie,” he warned her.

She gathered the reins in her hands and then turned to look down at him, reaching out a hand and touching a finger to his lips. “Stop trying to act the hero, you sweet fool. We’re neither of us suited to good behaviour. I’m a bad girl and I’ll likely make a bad end, but that’s my affair, not yours. I’ll not drag you down with me. Go and marry Lady Helena. She’s rich and beautiful, a duke’s sister no less. You’ll make your mama proud then. Isn’t that what you always hoped for?”

He watched as she smiled at him and then rode away, and he wondered how it was that Bonnie saw him like no one else did. Jasper had always been both his parents’ favourite. Not that they’d ever said so, not that they’d ever deliberately snubbed Jerome in his brother’s favour, but he’d known all the same. When Jasper behaved badly, he’d be hauled before his father and lectured about the responsibilities of the earldom and what was expected of him.

When Jerome behaved badly, they rolled their eyes at him and shrugged their shoulders, as if they’d expected no different. Everyone adored Jasper, of course; he was better looking than Jerome, and he could disarm a crotchety dowager, a gruff military man, or a virtuous miss with equal ease, his charm was so irresistible. Even when his reputation as a libertine had been at its worst, the marriage minded mamas had still welcomed Jasper with open arms. Not so Jerome. Eligible he might be, but he was a loose cannon, unpredictable, and no one knew quite where or in what manner he might go off. Wherever he went, trouble of one kind or another inevitably followed, whether or not he meant it to.

Jerome sighed and watched as Bonnie rode out of sight. It was best they didn’t arrive back at the house together. It would look suspicious. People might think they’d been up to no good. With a groan, Jerome put his head in his hands. Damnation.

What the devil was he to do?

Chapter 6

Why is it every man I meet is so terribly dull?

Even the ones I know aren’t the least bit dull, do nothing for me. I’ve met every eligible man there is to meet and can’t muster the least bit enthusiasm for any of them. No matter how handsome or charming they are, I feel nothing. Even the wicked ones don’t stir my interest, which I don’t understand in the least. What is it I’m looking for, I wonder? When will I feel that spark of attraction that will make everything clear to me?

I do wish he would hurry up whoever he is I’m waiting for to set my soul alight. I’m so dreadfully bored.