Page 17 of To Dance with a Devil

Jerome hesitated, unsure if he wanted to ask, only…. “Is that why you did it?”

“Did what?”

“Is that why you gave yourself to me? In the hope you wouldn’t have to marry Gordon Anderson when he found out?”

Bonnie stilled for a moment before looking away from him. “Sure,” she said lightly. “Why not?”

Pain, sharp and bright as a blade, lanced through him, taking his breath away. He reached out, taking hold of her chin and turning her face back towards him.

“Truly?” His voice was unsteady and suddenly the answer was terribly important.

She stared at him, studying his expression, and then let out a breath. “No,” she said with a sigh. “No, of course not. Don’t be a fool. You know it’s not true, though I can’t pretend to hope it works that way all the same.” She gave a soft laugh and reached out to cup his face. “Do you feel better now? Male pride all back in one piece?”

Jerome swallowed, disturbed by the churning sensation in his guts. He couldn’t cope with this… this upset. He was used to tumbling in and out of love, but it had always seemed a simple affair. There would be some weeks or even months of dizzying happiness and physical pleasure, and then a few days or weeks of melancholy. It was something he had grown accustomed too and was quite capable of handling, but this…. Why did Bonnie make him feel so jumbled up? There were too many messy feelings involved, and none of them were simple. Everything had become a tangle of complications and he didn’t like it. Not one bit. This was what came of tumbling a friend.

“Jerome?”

She was staring at him still, her expression one of concern, and he knew he ought to answer.

“Good as new,” he said, smirking, though his face felt stiff and uncomfortable.

“And don’t worry. I won’t tell him or Morven who it was, so you needn’t worry about having anyone come after you to defend my honour. Not that I think they would,” she added with a chuckle. “I doubt it will come as a surprise to either of them. They always assumed I’d ruin myself.”

“You should tell them,” he said, surprising himself with the force of his words. “And they damn well ought to come after me. For God’s sake, what kind of men are they?”

Jerome knew her eyes were on him, but he didn’t meet her gaze. He felt stiff and angry and as if he wanted to hit something, or someone, but he couldn’t figure out who or why or… God, what a bloody mess!

“Thank you.”

Jerome closed his eyes and tightened his grip on Bonnie’s hand. “I don’t want you to go. I’ll have no one to get up to no good with.”

He sounded like a sulky child but there was no help for it.

“Ah, you’ll still have Cholly and Algae and Gideon,” she said, squeezing his fingers. “You managed well enough before I came crashing into your life. I’ll expect to see your name every week in the scandal rags, so don’t go disappointing me.”

“Not the same,” he grumbled.

“I should hope not.”

She laughed and bumped his shoulder again, and he tried to do the same but his chest was tight and he still felt angry and… and… he didn’t know what it was he felt, but he didn’t like it. He didn’t like it at all. Maybe it was best that she was going away, then. He could get back to normal, get back to his life, without this madcap girl making everything so dashed complicated. His throat ached.

“I should go,” she said, shifting as though she would move away from him.

Jerome tightened his grip on her hand and she paused, smiling.

“If I stay, we will end up naked again, and as lovely as that is, I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

Desire lit under his skin in an instant and he forced it back. Damn, but he wasn’t such a scoundrel as that, was he? She was leaving tomorrow, and he’d likely not see her again. Just because he ached to be inside her again was not a good enough reason to take his pleasure. Christ, she might already be pregnant.

“Bonnie, if anything happens, if—”

“Stop worrying,” she said, shaking her head at him. “Everything will be fine.”

“But….”

“I know,” she said, leaning in and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “You are a good man, Jerome Cadogan, and any woman ought to be proud to marry you. If things were different, I know I would be.”

“Bonnie,” he said, his voice rough.