Page 47 of To Dance with a Devil

There was a moment’s hesitation, and then Miss Lacey stepped aside, and his mother entered, and closed the door behind her.

***

Bonnie stared unseeing at the grey winter’s day beyond the window. Agnes’ voice was a low murmur, and she assumed Jerome had come back to try again. Her heart clenched.

“Make him go away,” she whispered. She couldn’t see him, not yet. If she saw him now, she’d break down and cling to him and he’d see how weak she was. When she was stronger, she’d be brave enough to insist on the annulment that would set him free. She’d brought him nothing but trouble and heartache, and it was the only thing she could do for him. Perhaps he’d not understand at first but, in time, he’d realise she’d done him a favour. She turned around to see what was taking so long, and then froze.

His mother entered the room. Lady St Clair closed the door behind her, turning to face Bonnie, whose heart leapt to her throat. One hand went automatically to the high neck of her wrap and she clutched at it, her breathing coming too fast. Oh, not now. Please, not now. Bonnie knew everything she’d done: she’d seduced Jerome and got herself pregnant and trapped him into marriage, and now she’d made him miserable by being so hopelessly clumsy as to get herself all but run down and lose the baby. Lady St Clair could not possibly punish her any more than she was punishing herself, and yet she couldn’t bear it, couldn’t bear the accusation and disgust she knew would be in her eyes.

Bonnie went to turn away from her, but the woman’s words were not what she expected, and she paused.

“You poor child,” Lady St Clair said. “I know just how you feel. I had a similar experience with my first pregnancy, the year before I conceived Jasper. I fell down the stairs, clumsy fool that I am, and… and I felt so responsible.” Her voice quavered a little, and she held out her arms to Bonnie, her smile warm and full of understanding.

Bonnie made a small, choked sound, and the next thing she knew she’d been enveloped in a hug. The gentle touch of her mother-in-law’s soft hands stroked her hair as comforting murmurs assured her all would be well again, and the faint scent of lavender that rose around her seemed to ease the misery in her heart just a little.

Lady St Clair led her back to the bed and tucked her in as if she was a little girl. Then she got a clean handkerchief and sprinkled it with lavender water and put it across Bonnie’s forehead before sitting beside her and taking her hand.

“There, now,” she said, and as she smiled Bonnie saw the echo of both her sons’ handsome faces. She was still remarkably lovely, and looked far younger than her years, but she must have been a truly breathtaking young woman. “I think perhaps you have taken it into your head that I disapprove of you.”

Bonnie swallowed, hardly knowing what to say after being treated with such kindness. “No more than you ought to, my lady,” she said, fighting back the urge to cry. “I t-trapped him into marrying me, but I-I didn’t mean to, I swear it. At least, I didn’t think he’d be so st-stubborn. I kept t-telling him I wouldn’t m-marry him. It was all my fault, after all. I s-seduced him, b-but then he found out about the b-baby.”

She could keep the tears back no longer and dissolved into an ugly bout of inconsolable sobbing.

Lady St Clair said nothing at all, but held Bonnie’s hand and waited for the storm to abate.

“And now there is no baby, so he’ll be better off without you.”

Bonnie blinked. She’d been expecting his mother to say such a thing, of course she had, but after her unexpected kindness she’d thought perhaps…. Well, there was no point in avoiding the obvious. Just because something would make you miserable you couldn’t pretend it wasn’t there. It wouldn’t change the facts.

She forced herself to meet Lady St Clair’s eyes and found no malice, no judgement, nothing at all in fact. The woman simply appeared to be waiting for her to respond.

“Yes,” she said.

His mother didn’t react for a moment, then she took a very deep breath and Bonnie had the distinct impression she was praying for patience, though she wasn’t certain why.

“I like you, Bonnie, despite what you may think. It is true I would not have chosen you for a daughter-in-law,” she added, making Bonnie wince. She smiled and shrugged in response. “I see no reason to pretend otherwise. You are not easy in society, you bring a pitiful dowry to the marriage which is not ideal for a younger son, and you have a penchant for scandal. However, if you can make my son happy, that is neither here nor there. Jerome’s happiness is all I care about. Currently, you are making him very unhappy, and that I do not enjoy seeing. You will do something about it, young lady.”

Lady St Clair’s lovely blue eyes settled on Bonnie, her gaze so fierce that Bonnie had to fight the urge to squirm.

“B-But that is what—”

“Have you asked Jerome what he wants, Bonnie?” she demanded, her voice rather harder now. “Have you thought to ask him how he feels about the loss of your child? It was his child too, you recollect?”

Bonnie drew in a shocked breath, taken aback not only by the sudden sharpness of her mother-in-law’s voice, but by the words. She’d just assumed Jerome would be relieved, but… but what if he wasn’t? She felt her chest tighten but couldn’t find an answer.

“No, I didn’t think so.” Lady St Clair sighed. “Youth really is wasted on the young,” she said, shaking her head. “Now, you listen to me, you foolish girl. I am very happy to welcome you to this family. Harriet is a wonderful daughter-in-law and I love her dearly, but she’s rather too sensible and I think it will do us all the world of good to have a livelier influence, and there is no doubt whatsoever that you need the benefit of my advice and Harriet’s good sense in return.”

The words seemed almost foreign to Bonnie, their meaning was so hard to grasp. Lady St Clair didn’t want to throw her out? She thought Bonnie would do them good? It was madness, surely, and she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Of course, it mattered little what Lady St Clair thought. It was lovely for the family to be generous enough to accept her, but Jerome had never wanted her to begin with.

“I can almost hear the whirl of thoughts in your head,” Lady St Clair remarked. “And I have the sinking feeling you still haven’t understood what I’ve told you.”

“Oh, no, my lady, you’ve… you’ve been so very kind. Far more than I deserve and—”

“Hush!”

Bonnie clamped her mouth shut, blushing at the stern command.

“This is what you will do, Bonnie. You will ask Jerome to come and see you. You will talk to him about what has happened, about the loss of your baby, and you will ask him how he feels, what he wants, and then… if that fails… well, I shall bang your heads together and see if that can’t get me better results.”