Page 30 of To Hunt the Hunter

Matilda propped herself on her elbow. “Not in love with them, no. But I loved them. That’s what you do when you love someone: you stick with them, no matter what, through thick and thin, whether it’s pretty or not.”

He frowned and she stared down at him, feeling her love for him as a weight in her chest, expanding and filling her up.

“It won’t change how I feel about you.”

“Oh, yes,” he muttered. “I’m sure you’ll have many passionately romantic thoughts of me once you’ve seen me cast up my accounts.”

Despite everything, she laughed at his indignation. “Oh, Lucian. My feelings are not so superficial as that. You’ve really no idea what it is to be loved, if you think such a thing could make the smallest change to my feelings.”

“Perhaps I don’t,” he said with a sigh, his voice growing soft. “But I think I know what it is to love, or at least, I’m learning.”

Matilda’s breath caught, but he stiffened, his face taut with pain.

“Lucian, you need to take the laudanum.”

“Not yet,” he gritted out. His breathing picked up, and he stared up at her, his eyes full of fear, glinting with a febrile intensity that frightened her. “Listen to me. I’ve made you Phoebe’s legal guardian. If… if anything happens to me, keep her away from my uncle, no matter what. Promise me, Matilda. I know it’s a great deal to ask, too much, but I do ask it. She’s all I’ve got, and I swore to protect her. Please, please, my love….”

“Yes. Yes, of course,” Matilda said, alarmed at the sudden urgency with which he spoke and needing to calm him. “It would be an honour, Lucian, but I tell you now, you’re going nowhere. I shall never forgive you if you leave me in such a way. You can’t die. I won’t let you die, I-I w-won’t.” Her voice broke and Lucian held her to him, hushing her softly.

“Thank you.” The tension left his body all at once. “Thank you so much. You have no idea—”

“Yes, I do,” she sobbed. “I know how much you love her, like she was your own daughter, and I shall love her like my own too. I do already, you foolish man. Surely you know that?”

“Yes,” he said, and she heard the smile in his voice. “And this is how you ruined yourself all those years ago, by acting selflessly, by plunging ahead to grant the wishes of those you loved, heedless of the cost to yourself.”

“Sometimes that is the price love commands, Lucian. If you are not prepared to pay it, it is not love at all.”

“My God, you are brave.” He stared up at her in wonder. “I’ve never met anyone else like you in all my life.”

“How lucky you’ve been,” she said, trying to smile at him, but he was closing his eyes now, his breathing uneven and a fine tremor running through his body. “Lucian?”

He didn’t answer, and the shivering persisted. Afraid now, Matilda slid from the bed.

“Mrs Appleton!” she called, relieved when the woman opened the door at once and hurried to his bedside. “Is it fever?” she asked anxiously as the woman laid her hand upon Lucian’s forehead.

“No, not yet,” the woman replied, her voice soothing. “That will take a while to set in. This is his body protesting all that’s been done to it.” She reached for the small glass into which she’d measured a dose of laudanum and sat beside Lucian, sliding her arm beneath his neck and raising his head a little. “Come now, my boy. Take this and get some rest.”

“Pippin,” he protested, her name spoken fretfully.

“Ah, do as you’re told now, Lucian, for your old Pippin, there’s a good lad.”

He huffed, but swallowed the mixture with a grimace and a muttered curse. “Matilda.”

“She’s here,” Mrs Appleton assured him, settling him back against the pillows. “Lucky fellow, aren’t you, to have such a pretty nurse?”

“She ought not….” he said, his breathing picking up.

Mrs Appleton gave a soft laugh. “I don’t think she’s the sort you can order about, my lord. Reckon she’ll just dig her heels in all the harder. I like her,” she added, patting his hand. “Now get some sleep and stop fretting. There’s nothing for you to worry about. Phoebe is safe and Miss Hunt is here. All is well.”

Matilda watched as Lucian subsided, sliding into unconsciousness.

“Well, then,” Mrs Appleton said with a sigh. “If I were you, I’d go and get washed and have a couple of hours sleep, at least. It will likely be a long few days if you mean to stay by him.”

“Oh, but Mrs Appleton….” Matilda protested, hating the idea of leaving him at all.

“Away with you,” she said sharply. “If you mean to be of any help to me, you must be well rested, and you’ve had a nasty shock too. I’ll stay by him, but he’ll sleep peacefully now, so you do the same. I’ll fetch you if there’s any change. My word upon it.”

“You promise?” Matilda said reluctantly.