Page 8 of The Dare Before Christmas

I think once he has spent time away from me, he will realise he, too, made a mistake. I do not believe he ever loved me as one ought to love the person you marry. It was simply that we were such dear friends, and I was familiar and, frankly, close at hand. The new position he has taken up in Hertfordshire has excellent prospects for him and I know he will do wonderfully well. I pray he meets a lovely girl and tumbles head over ears in love with her. As for me, well, I do not know what the future holds, but I’m in no hurry. I spent so many years assuming I would marry Ollie that I’ve never looked about myself for other possibilities. My future is suddenly an unknown quantity, and I am terrified and excited all at once. My sisters both found happiness, and I must hold tight to the belief there is the same chance awaiting me, if only I am patient enough.

Raphe has been very kind, for I feared he might be cross with me for causing his brother hurt, but he understood and even thanked me for being brave enough to make my feelings clear. He said it was never easy to cause another pain, even if it was the kind thing to do. I’m afraid I turned into the most appalling watering pot, but he endured it very stoically. He’s a lovely man and a wonderful brother-in-law.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas, Em, dear. I look forward to seeing you in the New Year. We shall face the season together and see what excitement 1845 will bring us.

―Excerpt of a letter to Miss Emmeline Knight (daughter of Lady Helena and Mr Gabriel Knight) from Miss Alana Cadogan (daughter of the Hon’ble Mr Jerome and Mrs Bonnie Cadogan).

16th December 1844, Heart’s Folly, East Sussex.

“Isn’t it a beautiful place?” Emmeline said with a sigh, tilting her head up and closing her eyes as the weak winter sunshine warmed her skin. There had been a hard frost last night, and the grass sparkled white, a perfect winter vista.

“It’s wonderful,” Torie agreed, staring back at Heart’s Folly with pleasure though she tugged her cloak a little closer, for it was bitterly cold. It was worth braving the icy morning, though, for the views of both the house and the surrounding countryside were magnificent.

The Elizabethan manor house was set on high ground and had commanding views over the Weald and Sussex Downs. Built of local flint and stone, it was very much part of its environment and looked as if it had stood forever and would never do otherwise. Yet, despite the strength of its walls and its grandeur, it was a pretty place; the sunlight glinted on the leaded light windows and invited you in. Torie longed to explore, but she was trying to behave herself. Mr Godwin was already vastly intimidated by her father being a duke. If he discovered she delighted in running about exploring hidden doors and searching for ghosts, he’d run away even faster than he was currently doing.

“What are you going to do about Mr Godwin, then?” Emmeline asked, sliding her arm through Torie’s as they carried on walking.

A chill wind tugged at their skirts and bonnets and the frozen grass crunched beneath their feet with each step.

Torie shrugged. “Bide my time,” she said with a grin. “He admitted that he liked me last night, after all. It’s only the inequality in our positions that holds him back. I think Lady Millicent hurt him very deeply.”

“The poor man,” Em said, her expression full of sympathy.

Torie nodded. “I could shake her. She looked like butter wouldn’t melt, did she not? And yet all the time she was batting her eyelashes at Mr Godwin, she was engaged. Surely she could see he was in earnest? I could,” she added bitterly, for it had been terribly hard, watching him courting another lady when she could not do or say anything.

“Have you liked him for a long time, Torie? Why did you never say before?” Emmeline asked with a touch of reproach.

“I didn’t know myself to begin with,” Torie admitted ruefully. “He was often around in company with Evie, for where Louis goes, he goes. They’re very good friends. And he was always so much fun, and so kind and polite. He never has a bad word to say about anyone and never boasts or makes people laugh at another’s expense. I am so often surrounded by men puffing themselves up and trying to outdo each other by telling me how wealthy they are, how clever, what perfect shots, and fine horsemen… it’s exhausting having to pretend to be impressed all the time.”

Em laughed and squeezed Torie’s arm. “Poor darling. How glad I am Mama married beneath her, according to those fools who view things in such a way. Papa is ten times better than most of the noblemen out there, for he earned everything he has. It wasn’t just handed to him. But at least I must only deal with fortune hunters, not those snobs seeking to elevate their position. I can imagine how Mr Godwin shone out amongst all those conceited peacocks.”

Torie nodded. “I didn’t realise at first, but I was always so relieved when he appeared, glad to have someone sensible to talk to who wouldn’t fall over themselves to impress me. He was always so honestly himself, and… and then I began to miss him when he didn’t appear, and then I realised how handsome he was. I mean, I know he’s not beautiful like the comte, nor a golden Adonis like Pip, but he is handsome, and he has the loveliest eyes, Em. They’re a sort of golden hazel, and so warm, and….”

She blushed as she noticed her friend’s expression.

“Oh, Torie, you are in a bad way.”

Torie threw up her hands. “I know!” she wailed, and then laughed as Em hugged her tight.

“Come along, you poor lovesick goose,” Emmeline said, tugging her back towards the house. “I’m starving and I don’t want to miss breakfast.”

Torie huffed. “Aren’t you at least in love with someone? You usually are. At least I could feel we were both suffering together.”

“No, there’s no one,” Em said cheerfully, only snorting with amusement as Torie scowled at her.

“Haven’t you met anyone interesting?”

“Oh, interesting, certainly,” she replied, grinning. “But I’m not in love with him.”

Torie pounced all the same. “Who?”

With Em, it was probably only a matter of time. She had the most romantic heart and longed for a grand passion to sweep her off her feet in the most dramatic way possible.

“Wrexham,” she said, as they retraced their steps back towards the house.

“The Marquess of Wrexham? Oh, of course. You sat next to him at Mama’s dinner for Lord Latimer.” Torie said, screwing up her nose. “His father, the duke, is a horrid old man. I cannot help but pity him for that.”

“So do I, and for all the things people say about him, but Wrexham is not the least bit mad, which is what I’d heard, though he is rather a devil,” Emmeline said thoughtfully. “His being blind makes the stupid ton uncomfortable, though, so all those people who were once his friends would rather not speak to him. It makes me furious on his behalf, for it must be dreadfully isolating. I didn’t know it that night, but Aunt Prue said his father practically keeps him a prisoner since he lost his sight.”