Page 71 of Indecently Daring

Kilbane undid Pirate’s halter with long, strong fingers. “What of it? That was a private conversation, but nothing is sacred to Lady Catherine, I suppose. When the world is inclined to throw itself at your feet, notions of other people’s privacy must become difficult to comprehend.”

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” Cat retorted, stung by the accusation. “But I saw you, and… and I just wanted… I wanted….”

“I know what you want,” Kilbane said, his tone dark. “Or what you think you want, but you don’t have a bloody clue. You’re an infant playing with fire, and you’ll regret your idiocy the moment you get burned. Do us both a favour and run along before someone sees you.”

“I won’t run along,” Cat said, her temper rising. “And I am sick of you treating me like a child.”

“Why? You are one,” he shot back, his tone laced with such impatience Cat had to fight not to lose her temper entirely and prove him right. “You’re a spoiled little girl who wants something she can’t have.”

“And you’re an idiot!” she threw back at him. “You scare everyone off, keep everyone away from you even though you’re bored to death, and dying of loneliness by small degrees, but instead of actually doing something about it, instead of taking the risk of letting someone into your life, you’re running even farther away. What is it you want, my lord? Are you secretly hoping someone will stop you? That someone will come after you and beg you not to go?”

Kilbane had stopped in the far corner of the stable. He was entirely still, though palpable fury emanated from him. Cat knew she was going too far, that she was poking at something raw, angry, and wild, and the only reaction he knew how to give was to lash out, but she could not stop herself. His eyes glittered in the darkness, eerie and beautiful and, behind the rage, he was so obviously in pain that the words tumbled out.

“Well, I’m begging you,” she said, hearing the tremor behind her plea and not caring. She stepped into the stable, moving closer to him. “Don’t go. Please. I don’t want you to go.”

“You’re insane if you think I’m going to change my plans for your sake,” he said, his voice cold with contempt. “Girls like you are ten-a-penny, if too-sweet little blondes are to your liking, but I’ve never had a taste for desperation.”

Cat laughed, shaking her head. “Oh, really, Kilbane, is that the best you can do? Ten-a-penny indeed, though I suppose there’s a ring of truth to the desperation, else I’d not be here, would I?”

He stared at her, his mingled frustration and confusion so blatant she almost laughed, but he caught the glimmer of her amusement and his gaze darkened, making unease slide beneath her skin. His lip curled as he spoke, disgust dripping from every word.

“You’d better hope I don’t show you the best I can do, Lady Catherine, for you might not like the truth. I do not know what goes on in that strange little head of yours, but I am not a misunderstood hero who only needs the love of a good woman to put him right.”

“No, I know,” she said, wishing he could understand how she did see him, because she suspected she was the only one who did, who had bothered to take the trouble to notice. She saw him, the dark, terrible parts of him that were cold and angry, and the man who had given Pirate back, the man who had seen her safely back home when she’d needed help, on two occasions now. When she spoke again, her voice was soft, cajoling, pleading for him to listen to her. “I know it’s not so simple as that, but all the same. Please, don’t go.”

“Why?” he demanded, barely more than a growl.

Cat’s heart kicked unevenly in her chest as she fought to find the right words, the words that would make him stay. “Because I’d be your friend if you’d let me. It needn’t be more than that, if you don’t wish for it to be, but… won’t you give me a chance to prove I can be a friend to you?”

“A friend?” he repeated incredulously. “And what makes you think I need the friendship of some insipid little girl with no idea of the world, of anything outside of the gilded walls of her palace?”

“Because everyone needs someone, Kilbane. Even you.”

There was a taut silence.

“That’s enough,” he said at last, and went to stalk past her.

Cat didn’t think, only reacted, and took hold of his hand as he passed her. “Ciarán, please, won’t you at least think—”

Kilbane snatched his hand from her grasp and Cat stumbled back a few paces in shock. Behind her there came a soft equine nicker, sounding almost amused, just before Pirate put his nose to the small of her back and pushed, hard. Cat gasped as she was thrown off balance, tripping in the thick, luxurious layer of straw bedding to which all of St Clair’s horses were treated.

Somewhere, deep in Kilbane’s soul, he must be the gentleman she had accused him of being, for she was certain he moved instinctively, reaching for her before she landed face first on the stable floor. His hands firmed upon her arms, steadying her, and for a moment she thought it would be fine, and then his boots got tangled in the heavy layers of her skirts and petticoats and down they went.

Chapter 20

Dearest Mama and Papa,

Please forgive me. I am so dreadfully sorry for the hurt and worry I know I am causing you, and I know you will not understand why I have done this, but I beg you to trust me, to believe in me. I have good reasons for my actions.

Do not come after me, or make a fuss, for you will only risk causing a scandal. We will be back with you very soon, I promise.

―Excerpt of a letter from Miss Emmeline Knight to her parents, Lady Helena and Mr Gabriel Knight.

14th February 1845, Holbrook House, Sussex.

Dancing with Harry was her new favourite thing, Alana decided. For three dances he had been entirely hers, the two of them lost in their own little world as the music swelled and everything around them disappeared in a blur of movement and colour.

“Oh, Harry,” she gasped, laughing and pressing a hand to her heart. “What a marvellous dancer you are. I had no idea.”