Page 11 of Truly, Madly, Daring

Wrexham kept entirely still, or as still as he was able to with the motion of the train, but he dared not move for fear of disturbing Miss Knight. She no longer had her head on his shoulder, a feat not entirely of her own volition. He could not imagine she had been comfortable at such an awkward angle, though. When the train had jolted to a hard stop at the last station, almost throwing them both to the floor, he had held onto her instinctively and her head had slipped from his shoulder. That she had not even stirred proved how tired she was, and it was far more comfortable for her to sleep against his chest, with his arm about her. For him too. Mostly.

It had been a very long time since he had been this close to a woman. He had not wished to be, either, a mortifying fact he had assumed he’d find a blessing in the long run. That part of his life was surely over. He had assumed his condition had robbed him of his previous need for female companionship, along with his sight and the threat to his sanity. Desire had disappeared, doing just as much to damage his pride as regularly falling on his face. Not that he’d had much energy to mourn the loss of his libido, having been preoccupied with the alien and unpleasant world he’d been thrust into these past years.

When he’d considered the heir and spare he so desperately needed to secure his position, the very idea had made him anxious and gave rise to panicky sensations about being unable to perform at all. Besides, what if any children he sired inherited this cruel mix of blindness and insanity? His uncle had gone quite spectacularly mad, and various other relations had also lost their wits. His father had delighted in illustrating their ignominious ends to him in great detail, doing his level best to terrify his son into becoming a malleable creature he could control at last.

Rex had feigned indifference, out of bloody-mindedness as much as anything, but the truth was such a fate it terrified him. The idea of losing his mind and being at the mercy of people who might laugh at his insanity, who might be cruel to him, was more than he could bear. How, then, could he condemn another generation to such a humiliating and painful fate? No. He could not doom his heir to a life where blindness and madness lurked. No matter how much easier his life would be if his line were secure.

Staying alive and living his final years with some semblance of dignity had seemed the only concern, and persuading Miss Knight about the merits of a marriage of convenience, the only thing that mattered. Now, though, with his hand resting on the narrow span of her waist, he knew he’d made a gross error of judgement.

He could feel the steady rise and fall of her breathing, her body warm against his, and the knowledge that she was to be his—his wife—made his breath catch. Desire woke within him, renewed and stronger than ever after so long lying dormant. It was a living thing beneath his skin, thrumming urgently, and now his anxious thoughts took a new turn. His Miss Milly was marrying him for her own reasons. They had struggled through an awkward correspondence during which they had managed a bargain of sorts. She was to be his guardian, not his lover, and in return, she would be financially secure and a powerful figure in society. He had clearly defined the boundaries of their relationship, ensuring she understood there was no obligation for her to come to his bed, and he’d not considered those limits a problem, seeking only to reassure her enough to agree. Getting her acceptance was all that had mattered. Now, though….

The train once again shrieked to a halt, the stop so sudden there was a heavy thud and a curse from the seat behind them. Rex suspected Humboldt had just hit the floor.

Miss Knight awoke with a jerk, clutching at Rex in a way that pleased him far too much. He had forgotten what it felt like to be the protector. For too long, he had felt like prey. Having Emmeline Knight in his arms brought all those old instincts roaring back, pride and frustration gnashing their teeth simultaneously as the voice in his head told him he was pathetic and beyond protecting anyone, even himself. He shut the voice off and concentrated on the woman in his arms.

“It’s all right. Just a stop. Did you enjoy your nap?”

There was a befuddled silence, and he tried to imagine her face, the sleepy expression she perhaps wore, blinking up at him as she got her bearings.

“Oh,” she said faintly, tension thrumming through her.

He wondered at it for a moment until he remembered that her family had cosseted and protected her. Miss Knight was an innocent. She would never have been this close to a man before, certainly not in his arms. Was she afraid? Did the idea of him touching her make her nauseous? His blindness did not seem to trouble her, which made her a blessed rarity and had given him the courage to put his outrageous offer to her, but that did not mean she felt anything for him past pity and perhaps a tentative friendship.

Rex waited, unmoving, ready to release her the moment she pushed away, but she did not.

“Where are we?” she asked, sounding just as sleepy as he had imagined her to be on waking.

“I heard the porter shout Stockport,” he said, resisting the urge to put his hand up and touch her face, to stroke her hair and see how soft it felt beneath his fingers.

“I’ve slept for hours!” she said, surprised.

“I make a comfortable pillow, apparently,” he replied, his tone dry.

“Oh! I beg your pardon,” She sat up at once, moving away from him and he immediately regretted teasing her, regretted the loss of contact and warmth.

“It was my pleasure,” he said, striving to sound sincere, but finding the words had a sensuous tone he’d not intended. He caught her sharp intake of breath and cursed himself. The last thing he wanted was to frighten her off.

“How much farther?”

“We’ll be in Manchester shortly. I believe Humboldt said the train to Lancaster is about three and a half hours.”

“And then a carriage,” she said with a heavy sigh. How weary she sounded. Lord, but he was a brute for putting her through this. “How long will that take?”

“A very long day, though if you cannot face it, we could stop somewhere and—”

“No. No, let us get this journey over and done. For both our sakes.”

“You are indomitable, Miss Milly.”

She laughed at that, and the sound reassured him she was not glaring at him with distaste or regret. “I am nothing of the sort. I’m simply desperate to be sitting quietly on something that doesn’t move constantly, but the sooner we arrive at our destination, the sooner we might relax.”

Wrexham considered relaxing with his wife, immediately focusing on the fact that their marriage ought to be consummated to be legal. His nerves leapt, his body the farthest thing from relaxed it was possible to consider. They had agreed they would simply insist that it had been consummated, if his father tried to have the marriage annulled. But now he wondered if perhaps she would consider… his body reacted immediately as anticipation stirred his blood. Wrexham cleared his throat and forced his mind to safer ground before his libido betrayed him and terrified the poor girl into running away for good. Not that she seemed the least bit missish, but rather practical and no-nonsense. He liked that, he discovered, somewhat to his surprise. He was certain he would have been foolish enough to overlook her before he’d lost his sight, too eager to chase more ephemeral pleasures, and women who were not the least bit practical. They had been illusions, he realised with a sudden burst of clarity. Miss Knight was real.

“Heavens! How tedious it must have been to travel so far before the train. When I imagine Mama and Papa coming all this way by carriage when they eloped. Oh….”

She gasped, and he felt certain she had covered her hand with her mouth.

“Your parents eloped?” he asked in surprise. “I never knew that. I thought they married at Beverwyck?”