Page 67 of A Daring Desire

Louisa nodded and reached out to grasp a small brass bell and rang it sharply. A moment later, the maid, Mary, came back in.

“Yes, Ma’am?”

“Mary, go to my bedroom and fetch the pretty lacquered box in the top drawer of my dressing table. Well, don’t just stand there, run along.”

Mary hurried out again and Louisa turned back to him, her critical gaze looking him over. “You look different,” she mused, her head tilting to one side like a small bird listening for worms. “You’ve lost some weight, but… you look well, my lord.”

“Thank you. I am, and yourself?”

“Oh, in fine fettle, only a little bored. I’m getting fat, though,” she said regretfully. “But I always longed for a life of indolence, so I am not complaining. I have little Bonbon here to keep me company, and I read and do a little shopping. It is very pleasant. The handsome vicar even comes and takes tea with me now and then. His wife is a dear thing too, so kind. Not at all stuffy like some of them around here.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Kilbane said, looking up with relief as Mary came back in, carrying the box. She handed it to her mistress, who bade her leave them alone again. Once the maid had closed the door, Louisa tugged at a pink ribbon around her neck, which was tucked into her ample bosom, and drew it out. A small key dangled from the end, and with this, she unlocked the box and sifted through it.

“Here we are,” she said, smiling at him.

Kilbane stood as she held out her hands. In the palm of her left hand rested a heavy gold signet ring, in the other, a letter. He frowned. The ring, he had expected, but not the letter. He took both items from her, staring at the paper which looked to have been read and folded again many times. “What’s this?”

“Open it,” she said, her smile soft and wistful.

He sat down again, tucking the ring into a pocket and carefully unfolding the letter. The writing at once struck him as oddly familiar and as he read, colour flamed in his cheeks.

“What is the meaning of this?” he demanded angrily.

Louisa’s face fell. “Why, nothing,” she said, blinking up at him. “I have never had the heart to burn it, as I know I ought to have done, but the sentiments were so prettily expressed and heartfelt I could not do it. So, it only seemed right to give it back to you, now you are married. If you wish to burn it, then you must, of course, but not in front of me, I beg you. I have cherished it all these years and would keep it still, if I did not fear it making mischief if it ever came to light. If it had been found with the ring, I can only imagine the gossip that might have struck up.”

Kilbane stared at her, searching her face for any hint of malice or the desire to cause trouble, and saw nothing.

“I’m not trying to make mischief, my lord,” she said gently, and he saw the truth of it in her eyes.

He let out a harsh breath and relaxed back in the chair. “I beg your pardon, Louisa. I ought to have known better, it’s only….”

He hesitated, unwilling to explain why it suddenly mattered if people were talking about him, when it never had before.

“It’s only that you have a wife now, and one that looks at you like you hung the moon, according to what I hear,” she said, grinning at him.

Kilbane ran a hand through his hair and gave an unsteady laugh. “Yes,” he admitted. “Exactly so, though I cannot comprehend why.”

“I can,” she replied softly. “She saw past the walls you’ve built around you for so many years. Somehow or other, she found out your secret, the one I’ve known for such a long time. You’re a good man despite all the wickedness you’ve indulged in, my lord. A kind one, and I speak as one who knows it.”

“Forgive me,” he said, appalled that he should have thought so badly of her when she had always been kind.

She waved this away. “Oh, fiddle. Never mind that, but now you know I’m not out to cause you trouble, won’t you stay and take a nuncheon with me? I don’t get much company and I would so love to catch up. Tell me all about your lovely wife. Is she as beautiful as everyone says?”

Finding he was unable to resist her entreaty, and was strangely eager to speak of his wife, he did as she asked him and stayed.

Chapter 20

Dearest Louisa,

You must listen to me. I know you are afraid, but if you put your trust in me, I will not let you down. I see the way my father looks at you and it makes me sick to my stomach. He means to have you, to ruin you just for the fun of it, because he knows I care.

Let us leave this vile place tonight, before they can guess at our plans and stop us. I know I am underage, but I have funds enough to get us to Gretna Green. We can be married and start a new life, far away from here. Say you will come, my love. I will keep you safe. I am not afraid of hard work, and I will find a way to support us. There must always be something for an educated man to turn his hand to.

Please, my dearest girl. I see your face in my dreams and imagine a future where we might be happy. I do not care if he cuts me off without a penny. I would rather live a good, honest life with you and barely sixpence to my name than endure a moment longer in this vile palace of debauchery with every luxury at my fingertips. Say that is what you want too. Tell me his promises of fine dresses and jewels mean nothing to you. They won’t last, my love. He will tire of you and cast you off and then you will be adrift upon the world without the protection of your good name or mine.

Louisa, I have given you my heart. Now I offer you everything else I have. Tell me it is enough.

―Excerpt of a letter from The Right Hon’ble Ciarán St Just, (aged 14) to (Miss) Louisa Clifford.