Page 27 of The Thorn and the Rose

“Good girl,” he said, grinning.

Rosemarie turned her head away, staring out at the city passing by but seeing nothing, her fingers clenched too tightly around the coin in her hand, holding it like a lifeline, and swearing an oath upon the gold, that one day she would be free of the men who sought to use her.

Chapter 9

Dear Arabella,

Make preparations, kill a fatted calf or what have you. I’m giving you the pleasure of my company for a few weeks before Vi kills me.

It seems five weeks of my unalloyed proximity is enough for any woman, and she’s reached her limit. Or perhaps it was Mau? He’s quite the hunter, as it turns out. I think the last mouse – left very tenderly amongst her needlework – may have been the last straw.

To be honest, I’m amazed she’s borne me for this long. I’m afraid I’m a wretched patient, Bella, and sitting still does not suit my temperament. I’m going out of my mind if you want the truth. For God’s sake, entertain me before I do something dreadful.

―Excerpt of a letter from Mr Leo Hunt to his sister, The Most Hon’ble Arabella Grenville, The Marchioness of Bainbridge, (children of Mrs Alice and Mr Nathaniel Hunt)

19thAugust 1845. Goshen Court, Monmouthshire.

Pip handed his father a glass of wine. Montagu took it with a murmur of thanks and turned away from the beautiful vista spread out before them. It was all fields and woodland, like a lovely patchwork of green and gold. Leaning against the stone balustrade—something Pip would have advised no one do a few months ago—he turned to look at his son. Those silver eyes were unreadable, a sure sign Montagu was experiencing some fierce emotion. Even after all these years and with people he loved and trusted, it was sometimes difficult for him to show his feelings when they became overpowering.

Pip’s heart leapt to his throat. This was the moment he had both dreaded and longed for. He needed to get it over with. His father had said nothing, had not reproached him by word or deed since the day he’d brought Tilly to them for the first time. Pip had known it was coming, however. Perhaps there was an element of revenge in making him sweat, making him wonder when his father would speak to him candidly about what he had done.

“Why?”

Pip swallowed, knowing what he was asking and praying he could find words to explain.

“Have I been such a formidable parent? Did you think I would not forgive you, or turn the child out? Is that it? My views on illegitimacy are well known, but I have never heaped shame on an innocent child, only on those irresponsible enough to act without thinking and who continue to ignore their responsibility. Did you—”

“No! God, no!” Pip exclaimed, unable to endure any more. “Christ, Father, do you have no concept of what it is to be Montagu’s son? His heir?”

His father turned away from him and made a darkly amused sound. Pip flushed, realising too late what he’d said. Of course, his father knew. Appalled by what he’d said, he watched helplessly as Montagu tugged at the sleeve of his coat. It was an unconscious gesture and Pip knew the reason for it. His stomach twisted with regret.

“Father…” he began helplessly, but Montagu held up a hand to silence him. His father set the glass of wine down on the balustrade, frowning at it as if it held all the answers.

“I know it is a burden, and one I hoped I had lessened somewhat for my heir. It is also one I believed you had borne with exceptional fortitude. I have felt nothing but pride in the way you have carried yourself. You are everything Montagu should be, and far more worthy of the title than I was at your age, believe me.”

“Ha!” Pip said, too emotional to guard himself or school his reactions as he ought.

He was not his father and never had been. He worked hard to keep his emotions at bay, but it did not come naturally. Once lost, his temper was hard to keep in check. His voice rose as he spoke, the weight of everything he had hidden exploding from him without forethought. The careful explanation he had rehearsed in his mind over and over for the past years vanished in the white-hot rage of his own self-disgust.

“I’m nothing but a pale shadow of what you are, anyone can see that, and then to come to you and see the disappointment in your eyes for what I had done… the shame… How was I to bear that, knowing you would be kind, as you are always kind, and yet in your heart you would be sickened by the way I had disgraced you?”

Pip stared at his father, vibrating with emotion, knowing this was the kind of scene he abhorred. He had likely only sunk himself lower in his parent’s estimation by allowing himself such an indulgent fit of overblown sentiment.

Montagu’s face blanched, and he sucked in a swift breath.

Pip waited, wondering just how badly he’d disgraced himself, and was therefore stunned when his father closed the distance between them, hugging him tightly.

“Foolish, foolish boy,” he whispered, with such emotion that Pip wondered at it.

Pip bent his head, leaning on his father’s shoulder, rather astonished to discover they were the same height. He’d known that, of course he had, and yet in his mind his father had always been larger, stronger, better. His hand rested upon Pip’s head for a moment and then he straightened, taking Pip by the shoulders and looking into his eyes.

“If you believe that, then it is I who have failed you.”

Pip shook his head, for that was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. “I wanted to make you proud,” he said, fighting to keep his voice level.

“Then you have succeeded, as you have always succeeded. What you have achieved at Goshen Court is nothing short of miraculous in the time you’ve had, and with the finances at your disposal. I could have wished you had come to me, so I might have made it easier, but now I believe this experience was just what you needed. Not as punishment for your sins, Pip,” he added quickly, seeing the flinch Pip could not hide. “But to prove to yourself just what you can achieve. I truly think the estate will begin to pay for itself in a year or two, and you have done that. You’ve taken something that was broken and neglected and brought it back to life, and in doing so you’ve made a home for your daughter, a place where she can feel safe and loved and special. You did that, Pip, and I was never prouder of you.”

Pip let out an uneven breath, shocked and relieved as the burden of the deception he had carried fell away at last.