Page 3 of The Ghost

“It was the only one they had available,” I replied.

“I would have thought the CIA had a thing against wearing FBI swag,” Theo teased.

I hit him with an open hand, causing him to jump back into a row of seats. He fell down on his ass, and I leapt on him. We shared a moment, even though Z and Lukas were right there with us. I wasn’t about to get hot and heavy, but I needed a kiss. Theo put his hands on my hips and obliged, making me feel like something was still right with the world.

We touched down in Germany and immediately got on a passenger train. Lukas purchased four sleeper tickets and fell into his own bunk, exhausted. I watched as he winced in pain and realized that he was still injured from falling during the fire.

“You need a doctor,” I told him.

“As soon as we get there,” he promised.

I shook my head. I didn’t like dragging a wounded man halfway across the world. Who knew what additional damage he could be doing to his leg with all the walking and fighting? Lukas was a key player in our little gang. Without him, we would lose all ties to Dark Sparrow, leaving us alone in the face of an insurmountable foe.

I fetched him a plastic water bottle from the café car, but by the time I brought it back, he was fast asleep. Drawing the curtain, I checked on Z. She was tucked away in an adjacent bunk, asleep herself.

I glanced at my own berth, but I was too tired to sleep. I knew from experience that lying down right then would net me nothing but racing thoughts. So I returned to the passenger seating. Luckily, the train wasn’t packed, and there was a selection of empty spots. I picked a window and sat down to watch the landscape. It was beautiful, and in another lifetime, I might have been impressed. But I was too consumed with the fate of the world and what my foster father had done.

Theo found me a moment later. “You’re not going to try to sleep?”

I shook my head. “I can’t. I’m too tired.”

Theo smiled ironically. “I understand.”

“What about you?” I asked. “Why don’t you go lie down?”

“I’m fine,” he assured me.

I didn’t need any more encouragement to accept his presence by my side. I reached for his hand, threading my fingers between his. Putting my head down on his shoulder, I allowed myself to drift.

Not for one minute did I think we were safe. The train could be filled with New Dawn operatives. That upscale couple sitting a few seats down could be trained spies. But for the moment, no one was attacking us.

“I just can’t believe he’s alive,” I muttered, allowing myself a second to consider the implications.

“When did he die?” Theo asked. “Or when did you think he died?”

“Eight years ago,” I responded. “I honestly didn’t know he was training us to be terrorists.”

“I believe you,” Theo assured me. “I know you wouldn’t willingly go along with that.”

“I didn’t,” I insisted. Even though he said he believed me, I couldn’t find the clarity to believe myself. How could I have been so blind? All of Mr. Ashcroft’s careful training came back to me, and with the focus of hindsight, I could see it for what it was.

He’d made us dig trenches in the back yard and creep around the closest town at night. We were instructed to break into people’s houses, to steal little items and return to base without alerting the victims. We were forced to stay awake for days on end to teach us how to deal with torture and stress out in the field. And we were restricted to a diet of MREs and power bars for most of our formative years. None of that was normal. But at no time did I think Mr. Ashcroft was building us up to become anti-government agents.

He’d actually encouraged many of us to take government jobs, and I thought that was the point. I believed I had been given a gift, an advanced training program of sorts that perfectly dovetailed with my CIA training. How wrong I was.

I shared some of that with Theo, finally revealing everything I went through as a kid. It was hard to get the words out sometimes, but I felt better in the end. Hearing it out loud made me wonder at how naïve I had been.

“I swear, I had no idea,” I kept saying.

Theo patted my hand occasionally, letting me know that he believed me. I appreciated his encouragement and unburdened myself like never before. No matter what Mr. Ashcroft’s intentions, the years I’d spent with him had been trying.

“When Mr. Ashcroft died, I felt free,” I admitted. “For the first time in my life, I could eat pizza and go to bed at a decent hour if I wanted to. And then I met Ryan.”

“Was he as bad as Ashcroft?” Theo asked, tightening up at the mention of my former fiancé.

“No,” I assured him. “Ryan was sweet. But he was also CIA. So we had that in common.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Theo said, giving me permission to keep a few secrets to myself.