Page 63 of The Golden Girls’ Road Trip

‘No, I haven’t. All my flings have been with men.’

‘So, you’re bisexual then?’

‘I’ve honestly never thought about it. I fell in love with a woman when I was eighteen and was devastated not to see her again, then I was very busy being a single parent and didn’t think about any sort of relationship at all. I went on a few dates and slept with a few men in my later twenties and thirties, forties and fifties, but Alex was honestly always on my mind and I never committed to any of those men, even the ones who clearly wanted to take it further.’

‘But, have you been attracted to women?’

I’d forgotten how persistent Diana could be with a line of questions.

‘Have you ever thought about a job in interrogation?’ I say and she laughs. ‘I have been attracted to a couple of women, but there was never anyone who was on the same page as me.’

‘And now there’s Leo. Where does he fit into this?’

‘God, Leo, well, he doesn’t fit into this anymore. He’s a confused man who wanted to replace his wife after her traumatic death. He doesn’t want me. He told me I’m wrong for him and he’s right. We’ve had a parting of ways, but an amicable one. It’s my fault really. I should never have said yes to marrying him.’

‘Simon made that happen, didn’t he. I did tell him to back off actually, but he saw Leo’s loneliness and you becoming more settled and he thought he could tie it all up.’

‘I can’t really blame Simon; I was a bit lonely too. I was travelling less and did worry about what my remaining years would look like. Leo was very sweet to me and, I suppose, I settled for him. That’s terrible to admit to. I got swept up in the idea of a companion for my later years, which was unfair of me really. Leo also didn’t go in with the right intentions, so it ended up being a bad fit all round. It would never have lasted, which is a funny thing to say of a couple of seventy-year-olds.’

‘So, what happened then? In Scotland I mean.’

‘I found out I was pregnant and I ran back home.’

‘But…’

I watch her mind turn the facts around, the timings and the outcomes. I don’t need to state the obvious, and I see the moment it all falls into place.

‘Oh, from the fling!’ She says the word fling with a very direct look at me, but doesn’t say anything else.

‘Yes, from that,’ I say. Do you want another cup of tea?’ I ask her. I need a coffee.

‘No thanks, I’m fine.’

‘How are you feeling?’

‘I feel a lot better. Bit tired, but the pain has gone.’

I make another drink and I grab some cheese and biscuits, some nuts and fruit and take them back to the living room and lay it all on the table. I bring a jug of water and a couple of glasses too.

‘I’m happy to drive you home whenever you want to go.’

‘Can I stay, Connie? I can sleep on the sofa.’

‘Of course you can stay,’ I say, then think about what a mess my spare room is. It’s a job I never seem to get around to doing. ‘But you shall have my bed, absolutely no arguments.’

She pours herself a glass of water and nibbles on some cheese.

‘So what happened when you came home then?’

I take a deep breath before I start again.

‘I came home because it felt like the right thing to do. I hadn’t seen my parents for six weeks and I was ready to have an honest conversation. I needed their help and support. But my mother gave me cash and told me to go and “sort it out”.’

‘What? You mean get rid of Simon?’

‘I don’t really know, to be honest. My father wasn’t there, my mother was drunk and I was still a problem that she needed to be rid of.’

‘Blimey, Connie, and I thought my parents were bad. At least they do acknowledge I exist. I can see now, why you cut yourself off and didn’t speak to them. You must have been so frightened and confused at the time.’