Page 23 of The Trip of a Lifetime

‘Erm, it doesn’t really work like this for me,’ she said. ‘I know that in a beautiful setting or at an unusual time you always think about her but I don’t. She comes to my mind at other times. It doesn’t mean I didn’t love her.’

She added this so quickly onto the end I reached my hand out to touch her shoulder.

‘I know, love,’ I said. ‘Of course it doesn’t mean that.’

We sat quietly for a while and I could see Erin’s mind whirring behind her eyes. I felt bad then because I knew she was trying to come up with something to pacify me, so we could have this shared moment, somehow.

‘Whenever I think about the possibility of having children, my thoughts always centre on them not having a grandmother. That’s silly, isn’t it?’

Well, it wasn’t quite the heart-wrenching speech I thought Erin might be inspired to give in this beautiful place but I accepted she wasn’t me and she was allowed to remember her mother in any way she wanted.

‘They might well have a grandmother if their father’s mother is still alive when they are born,’ I said. ‘It’s not usually a one-sided situation.’

‘Yeah, well, I don’t even have a boyfriend to impregnate me, do I.’

‘You’re a beautiful young woman with so much love to give,’ I said. ‘There is someone out there just for you and they will be someone far more deserving than a prat called Hamish who likes to run around with an egg-shaped toy stuck under his arm.’

Erin smiled then and we sat in silence for a while, each with our own thoughts.

* * *

The barbecue was set up on the beach in front of the hotel. Everyone was there. They’d mostly managed to drop their competitive edge and were happily chatting when Erin and I arrived.

We had both made an effort with our appearance. Hair washed and blow-dried – which would be a last until the next checkpoint – best of our packed clothes, which were jeans and reasonable tops, and Erin had applied full make-up, which surprised me as she didn’t usually go in for that.

‘It’s for the camera,’ she said, but that didn’t work for me as we’d had a camera in our faces for the last few days already and she’d done little more than tie her hair back in a ponytail, wash her face and smear some moisturiser on it, which was a tad more than I had done to be fair.

The food was delicious. Big tuna steaks seared on the grill with bowls of salads and fresh bread. There were jugs of ginger ale and bottles of water which was welcome because it didn’t cost us a penny. I’d been keeping a close eye on our cash and had learned from snippets of conversation that others had been less frugal.

‘How’s your race going?’ asked Harrison who had somehow managed to sidle over without me noticing.

‘Brilliantly,’ I said brightly in response.

‘Look, Martha, it’s been a long time and I want to say how wonderful it is to see you. You really haven’t changed a bit. You still have that same beautiful smile.’

I nearly choked on my drink but managed to swallow it down.

‘I can’t imagine where you’ve seen that,’ I said, perhaps a little haughtily.

‘I see you smile at others,’ he said. ‘Look, I never really understood why you… ghosted me, I suppose the young folk would say. I didn’t think it could just be because I won the race. You weren’t the sort of woman to take it so personally. I rather hoped we’d cross the finish line together, you know.’

‘How on earth was that going to happen after I missed the train,’ I said.

The absolute cheek of the man. How could he even say that with a straight face.

‘Yes but, look, listen, what happened back then, well, I feel differently about it now after watching the footage and I have a theory.’

‘Oh, do bugger off, Harrison. You race your way and I’ll race mine,’ I said. ‘I have a theory too. You did everything you could to win that race and you didn’t care about who might get in the way. And I don’t feel any differently about what happened back then.’ And then I did smile at him. I dialled it right up but he can’t have thought it was that wonderful as he slunk off back to Sam. A little late, I noticed Noah and his camera near the barbecue. He would have easily captured every word. I didn’t look forward to seeing that on the TV.

Piece-to-camera

Cally: So, how do you feel your race is going, ladies?

Erin: Brilliantly! We’re doing really well with our money and managing to get lifts. I think we’re really strong contenders.

Cally: Martha, tell me about your motivations.

Martha: Motivations?