Page 27 of The Trip of a Lifetime

Noah and Cally had left and then it was just the two of us for the first time in a while. It was late and we were both tired, so I heated a tin of soup and we had buttered bread with that before crawling into our sleeping bags which we stretched out on the long sofas either side of the table in the back of the van.

I thought that Erin had gone to sleep. It was dark and despite the fact the heater didn’t work we were cosy but then, after a short while, her voice came from inside her sleeping bag.

‘Do you think Mum would have done a better job at this than me?’

‘Oh, love. Of course, I wish your mother were here to see us complete our race but even if she were, I’d only want her cheering us on because there is no one I’d rather race with than you.’

There was silence for a moment and then a muffled sob. I wanted to crawl out and go to her and I almost did but she then sniffed and said, ‘Nana, I have to tell you something.’

For a moment I did what I always do when a young woman either says she feels sick or she has to tell you something. My mind immediately thought she was going to tell me she was pregnant. And all I could think was, not with that idiot Hamish – please not him. And then I remembered what she’d said at the lake, so it couldn’t be that. Erin poked her head out of her bag. I could only tell this in the darkness because what she had to say next was clear.

‘I met Sam the night before the race started. I met him in the bar at the hotel when you were asleep in our room.’

‘What?’ I sat up in my sleeping bag even though I couldn’t see my granddaughter. Somehow the darkness made my other senses more acute.

‘Please don’t put a light on. I need to tell you this in the dark because I’m so embarrassed.’

I wanted to tell her that she should never be embarrassed saying anything to me but my hairs were prickling on the back of my neck. Was this going to be about Harrison?

‘You were asleep and I was feeling twitchy. I couldn’t settle, so I went for a walk and decided to get a drink in the bar. Sam was there. He seemed really nice and we got talking. He bought me a vodka. I thought he was lovely, to be honest. He called himself Samuel and then asked me to tell him all about this race we were on that he claimed to know nothing about. He let me prattle on about the show for a bit but then we really got talking and I was honestly quite drawn to him. He seemed really interested in me and I was really interested in him. He had plenty of opportunity to tell me he was a race contestant but he didn’t. I felt so stupid when I saw him walk into the dinner with Harrison.’

‘Oh, Erin.’

‘I know, I know, I’m an idiot. He completely duped me.’

‘Sounds familiar. Like great-uncle, like great-nephew.’

‘Exactly.’

‘But, Erin, it was a silly thing for him to do but it’s not as bad as you might think. Maybe he just wanted to play by the rules. We weren’t supposed to be talking to anyone, if you remember.’

‘That’s very generous of you, Nana.’

‘I’m a very generous woman,’ I said and chuckled into the darkness. I could see how Erin might have felt after making a connection like that. Sam was a very handsome young man. I might be delighted for her, even forgive him for that initial faux pas.

‘But it wasn’t just that he feigned ignorance about the race, he asked me about you too,’ she said, and I felt my hackles prickle again.

‘And of course you didn’t tell him anything because why would you?’

The silence stretched out and made the small space in the gap between our beds seem vast in the darkness.

‘Oh, Erin,’ I said again.

‘I told him how a man had beaten you to the finish line by seducing you and making you miss the train, and how you held such a grudge you were absolutely going to win this time. I’m so sorry, Nana.’

‘Did you also tell him my address? What size knickers I wear? Erin! What were you thinking?’

‘I wasn’t thinking. Actually, I was thinking that a nice man was interested in me. And then my mouth got the better of me. I’m an idiot.’

I sighed and lay back down. And my shame was complete. I could only imagine Harrison having a good old laugh at how his behaviour had affected me. Now, of course, I had to rally, though. Erin had obviously been feeling terrible since this race had started. We had a long way to go to get through all the checkpoints between here and Newfoundland. We couldn’t do this unless we were both on the same page with the same mindset and focus.

‘It doesn’t matter, darling. It was a long time ago and it’s me that needs to untether myself from such childish grudges. I think you’ve done me a favour, to be honest.’

‘Really?’ Erin asked, her voice small again from inside her sleeping bag.

No, I wanted to say, of course not. I want to throttle you for being so bloody gullible. Because I want you to not be as stupid as me.

Instead, I decided a different tack was possible and as I began to think the words, I realised they were true.