Page 4 of The Trip of a Lifetime

The subject of the TV show was dropped and Martha began cooking Erin’s favourite dish of paella. She’d been to the market that morning to buy fresh ingredients and Erin sat on a stool and watched her grandmother at work as she cleaned the mussels in the sink.

‘Jackson, the carpenter, phoned me yesterday,’ Martha started and Erin felt herself close up a little.

‘Right,’ she said simply.

‘No rush, but he’s got time to make the bench now and he just needs the wording for the plaque. When we’re ready of course,’ Martha said with her back to Erin.

‘Of course,’ Erin parroted back.

Erin couldn’t think about this, she couldn’t think about any of the ideas her nana had. When Martha started making suggestions of how best Clare could be remembered, Erin found herself changing the subject. It would be a wildflower garden, or where they should scatter her ashes, and now a bespoke bench with a plaque. It was all too much. Too final, too complicated, and too overwhelming. Erin preferred the land of limbo which she now resided in. It was her safe space and she had no intention of moving out anytime soon.

‘Shall I chop the onion?’ she asked now and racked her brain for a change of subject. ‘Why don’t I get the old series of your trip up on your laptop and we can watch it while we eat.’

That shut her grandmother up.

In the end, Erin did manage to access the TV archives and while they devoured bowls of paella, they pressed play on a piece of fifty-year-old history with Erin’s grandmother in one of the starring roles.

It was clear to Erin very quickly through the grainy footage that Martha was in love with Harrison Golding; a man of twenty-three who, she had to admit, was incredibly hot. Certainly by episode three, when they were in the south of France, it was clear in the way Martha looked at him, the way he looked at her. The editor did a brilliant job of taking the viewer on the journey of their love story. Erin was completely invested. She kept asking questions as they watched, which Martha answered simply but other than that, she was silent and offered no commentary herself. Erin wondered if she was a little overwhelmed with it. Martha had told her she’d only watched it that one time when it was first aired. There was no way to rewatch it after that, not in those days, not until now.

There were five contestants: Martha, Harrison, a young woman called Priya, another man called Robert, and then Femi. They were all seventies cool, with their clothes and hair firmly in that era. They introduced themselves to the camera before the race started. Erin learned that Femi’s family were from Nigeria and that he clearly liked his shorts incredibly short. Robert liked to be called Bob and was from the West Country. Erin thought he seemed far too sweet-natured to be in a race with anyone. Harrison Golding was not only good-looking but he also seemed like a nice guy. It was hard to imagine him tripping Martha up in any way. If Erin had to guess which contestant was the one who had an edge, she’d have said Priya who told the audience she lived in London with her Nepalese grandmother, and when she smiled into the camera, it didn’t reach her eyes.

‘Priya? She was lovely,’ Martha said when Erin pointed this out. ‘You see, the editing is done very carefully. They pick out just what they want to make the audience either love or hate you.’

‘Well, this audience is loving the Martha–Harrison story,’ Erin said pointing to herself. ‘I’m just sorry you’ve already spoiled the ending for me.’

They paused before episode four to clear the dishes and Erin was keen to watch the last few episodes, but Martha said she was tired and could they watch it another time. Her nana never said she was tired and Erin didn’t believe her, but she didn’t push it. Erin had the login details; she’d watch it by herself.

‘Did my grandfather know he was a second to this great love story?’ Erin asked with a smile.

‘He was no such thing,’ Martha said sharply. ‘I met him two days after I flew home from Barcelona.’

‘A rebound then,’ Erin said, teasing her grandmother.

‘He wasn’t that either. He was a good husband and father.’

Erin didn’t bring up the fact they had been divorced for ten years. It really wasn’t her business. If her grandmother wanted to gloss over the facts, then that was her choice.

‘Did you keep in contact with Harrison after the race?’ she asked instead.

‘No. I never spoke to him again.’

‘Did he try to talk to you, admit what he had done?’ Erin asked.

‘He tried, but I didn’t let him. He was very competitive and I clearly just got in his way. What’s that quote? Something about believing someone the first time they show you who they are.’

‘Maya Angelou?’

‘Yes, darling. You are quite right.’

‘You look so young,’ Erin said, and Martha smiled. ‘You look so beautiful.’

* * *

Erin pushed her earbuds in when she sat down on the train home. She logged back into the archives on her phone and disappeared from the world around her and into her grandmother’s almost love story in Spain.

By the time she got home, Erin was full of the TV show, and how much she felt her grandmother should race again. Martha just wasn’t the nana she had always been and this upset Erin. Maybe it was selfish of her, but Erin couldn’t bear the thought of Martha turning into one of her friends’ elderly grandparents who sat and watched daytime TV in their reclining chairs. Not for her nana, not at only seventy, not yet. This could be the perfect opportunity for Martha to prove to herself that she hadn’t lost her nerve.

Erin reached for her phone and called Martha before she could lose her own nerve.