Page 72 of The Trip of a Lifetime

‘You’ve spent a lot.’

I didn’t mean for it to be accusatory. I wasn’t quite sure why I said it. Erin had been brilliant, taking control, sorting things out. It was exactly what I wanted for her: to come out of her shell and challenge herself.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ she snapped. ‘How would you have done it differently? Fired up your magic broomstick?’

I laughed then because it was funny, but it didn’t help.

‘You haven’t done anything wrong,’ I said soothingly. ‘You’ve been great.’

‘I’ve only had the money belt for a short time, what about all the money you’ve spent?’

‘Erin,’ I said, ‘I think you’re being a bit sensitive. I’m not accusing you of anything.’

The rain that had been light was intensifying and I was keen to get us out of it as quickly as possible. We both pulled our hoods up at the same time.

‘Sod the money,’ I said. ‘Let’s just get a hotel room and dry off, get some sleep. If we run out of money before we get to the finish line then so be it. We won’t make it to the finish line if we die of exposure out here tonight. Tomorrow will look better, I guarantee it.’

Erin sobbed then. It erupted out of her in a burst and she put her hands to her face.

‘Oh, love.’ I reached for her but she took a step back. ‘Is it about your mum? I know you don’t like to talk about her and that is something I just have to accept.’

‘It’s not that I don’t have anything to say about my mother, it’s just that I don’t think you want to hear what I have to say.’

The rain was rolling down her face and beginning to drip off her chin.

‘What do you mean?’ I said. ‘You can say anything about Clare.’

‘Can I? Can I really?’

‘Of course you can, darling.’

‘Okay, well I think she was bit selfish.’

I just blinked away the rain and said nothing.

‘I don’t think she was a very good mother, sometimes. I didn’t like her dramas. They unsettled me.’

Erin was on a roll now, finally.

‘There’s a reason I spent so much time with you over the years and why we have such a good relationship, and it’s because my mum wasn’t always there for me. You were. Do you remember my school awards ceremony?’

I nodded.

‘Of course you do, because you were there. Mum? She was up a mountain. I saw the pictures she posted on her Facebook and they were posted at the same time I was receiving my award. I used to think when she was older she’d slow down and then I’d get to know her. Maybe she might have more time to get to know me. I’m sorry, Nana, if this makes you sad and I did love her, but I’m not sure she liked me all that much.’

And there it was, finally.

‘And I never say any of this because I worry it will affect our relationship and you are seriously the best thing in my life.’

And then the tears began to mix with the rain and Erin was sobbing again.

‘Erin, darling. Nothing you ever say will affect what we have. Nothing, do you hear me?’

I drew her to me and our soaking clothes collided, making it hard to properly hold onto her but I was determined not to let her go.

* * *

We found the cheapest hotel we could. I ordered us some soup and bread rolls and it was brought to our small twin room. It was so much more expensive than the hostel but we had little choice and I didn’t care, not now. We needed warmth and security.