Page 157 of Volik

If I think about it more, I’ll have more questions. Like who? Were they humans? How could a human, who isn’t me, his mate, take him? Or before he grew, was his dick small enough⁠—

A low sound fills the room.

“I am sorry.” Volik tips his head to the side, showing me his neck. And I realize the low sound is coming from me.

Shame shoves my jealousy aside.

“No. No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” I scrub my hands down my face in an attempt to clear my thoughts. And I remind myself that eighty years ago was fifty years before I was even born. And no one, not anyone but me, has had Volik as he is now. No one but me has touched him since the bond changed him.

I pull my hands away from my face and reach for his shoulders.

When I shift onto my knees, Volik grips my ass and lifts me until I’m straddling him, sitting on his lap.

Keeping my arms down, under his, I rest my cheek on his chest and hug him.

He wraps his arms around me as his chest lets out a soft purr.

I know he’s doing it to comfort me. And it’s working.

Volik kisses my hair. “To my knowledge, the ones I have been with are dead.” I should be ashamed at how good that makes me feel, but I can’t deny the way it has the rest of my jealousy dissipating. “If they were not dead, I would take you to them so you could kill them.”

A completely inappropriate laugh bursts out of me.

I try to lift my head, but Volik presses my cheek back against his chest.

“I wouldn’t want to kill them.” I possibly lie.

His purr continues. “I would not be upset with you. If you had slept with a man before me, I would kill him. It is only fair.”

The statement reminds me of why I started this conversation, sobering me.

Since my arms can’t reach all the way around his body, I let my hands slide down until I can hook my thumbs into the band of his pants.

Then I close my eyes, forcing myself to relax, hoping it, and Volik’s constant quiet purr, will help me remain calm.

“I’ve never had a boyfriend either.” I start, back at the beginning. “I’ve always liked romantic stories. Movies. I… touched myself on occasion. But when it came to real people… I never met anyone I was interested in. The first time I kissed a boy, I was in high school. He was nice, and I could tell he liked me. And there was no reason for me not to like him. But when his lips touched mine…” There’s a hitch in Volik’s purr. “I got so nauseous I gagged.” His purr continues. “A few years later, at a party in college, I got drunk and tried to make out with a random guy. Thinking if I could just get past the first time… But before we even touched, I puked on him.”

“Good.” Volik hugs me tighter.

“I tried to kiss a girl my senior year of college, wondering if it was just men that made me sick, but the results were pretty much the same.” My exhale is heavy. “I thought I was broken. That something was wrong with me.”

“Nyet.” Volik rubs his cheek against my hair. “You were waiting for me.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. “I wish I had.”

Volik’s purr increases. “Tell me. Then never think of it again.”

I inhale Volik’s minty scent and find I believe him.

If I tell him, I can be rid of it. I can never think of that night, or that man, ever again.

“I was twenty-three. One of my coworkers at the newspaper I worked at had gotten engaged, so we all went to the bar that weekend to celebrate. I was new in town. And feeling lonely. And I… I still thought that if I could just get past my aversion, I could finally date someone. I wasn’t even interested in anyone, I just didn’t want to be so lonely anymore.” I curl my fingers around the waistband of Volik’s pants, needing to grip something. I hate that I didn’t know Volik was here the whole time.

“Tu es ma vie. Avant et après. Toujour, Ma Fleur.” His voice is full of affection, and it cracks my heart.

“I drank more than I usually would, and when a guy asked if I wanted to go back to his place…” I swallow. “The second I stepped into his house, I should’ve turned around and left. But I thought… We sat on the couch, and the nausea was instant. But I tried to ignore it. I let him kiss me. I… Volik, I couldn’t do it. I tried to be okay with it, but when he started to put his hand under my shirt, I lost it.” Taking a breath, I open my eyes and stare at Volik’s bare chest, reminding myself where I am. Who I’m with. “I told him to stop.” My tone is flat, detached, as I force the moment to stay in the past. “I pushed him away and tried to stand, but he got on top of me. I was trying to scream, but I was crying too hard.” The arms around me flex as the chest against mine vibrates louder. “When he let go of my hands to go for my shorts, I grabbed the beer bottle off the side table and hit him with it.” I let Volik’s purr calm my racing pulse. “As soon as the glass shattered, he reached up to the cut on his head, and I scrambled off the couch. He tried to stop me. But when he grabbed my leg, his hands were slippery with blood, so he just tripped me. I didn’t realize until I was out on the street that I had a piece of the broken bottle stuck in my knee.” I shudder as I remember looking down and seeing the blood trailing from my cut and mixing with the bloody handprint he left on my shin. “It was late. There was no one else outside, but the neighborhood seemed alright. Family homes. I think that’s why he didn’t follow me out of the house.”

Volik’s exhales are rough, and I think the tremors around me are more than just his purring. His voice is tight, and I know he’s doing what he can to stay calm. “What happened next?”