Page 195 of Volik

I lean into him as I nod. “Everything changed after that day. The coroner said he had a heart condition that no one knew about. I tell myself that’s better,” I whisper. “I tell myself he passed out and didn’t know what was happening.”

Volik rubs his palm up and down my thigh. “I am certain.”

More tears roll down my cheeks.

The thought of my brother being scared at the end… I can’t take it.

“I am certain,” Volik repeats.

And I know he can’t possibly be certain. But I believe him anyway.

“The day after the funeral, my parents took me in to get tested, to make sure I didn’t have the same thing wrong with my heart. They seemed relieved when we found out I was fine. And I thought that after that, they would become super overprotective. Honestly, I’d hoped they would. Hoped they would smother me with attention and insist on being near me at all times.” I brush at my cheeks. “Not because they were ever great at being there, but I needed someone. I know they were devastated. But I was struggling too, trying to cope with the loss of… Lucas.” I finally say his name.

A wave of heat pours out of Volik’s body, warming every part of me. “It is a good name.”

I nod against him, more tears falling.

“So is Nix.” He palms the side of my head, holding me against him.

I exhale, my love for Volik growing stronger with every moment.

“Your parents… they did not become overprotective.” He states it, knowing they didn’t.

But I still shake my head. “They avoided being home as much as possible. Avoided me. I think I reminded them too much of him. We didn’t look alike. Didn’t have the same eyes. My hair was lighter. But… they stopped talking to each other too.”

“That was wrong.” Volik’s soothing tone is gone, replaced with anger.

“It was.” I melt into his heat. His overprotection. “They put our house up for sale two months later. I thought it was just because they couldn’t live there anymore, with Lucas’s empty bedroom.” Now, as an adult, I can appreciate how truly fucked up the whole thing was. The decisions, the secrecy. “My parents weren’t loaded, but we had a pretty big house, so I thought it was weird that we were looking at apartments but… I was a kid. They waited until the house was sold to tell me they were getting a divorce.”

“Merde.”

I huff out a sad laugh. “Yeah, shit is right. They had fifty-fifty custody of me. And it didn’t take long for me to figure out that it wasn’t because they both wanted me equally.”

“Merde,” Volik says more forcefully this time, and he wraps his arms around me.

“Their apartments were in opposite suburbs from our old house, so I had to take the city bus to get to and from school. I wouldn’t have cared about switching schools. I didn’t like all the pitying looks from teachers and other students. But since they moved so far away from each other, it was easier to keep going to the same one in the middle.”

“Je les déteste.”

“It doesn’t get better.” I warn him.

“Tell me.”

“By the time I was nine, they both remarried. And moved again. My dad went to the next town over, even farther away from my school. But my mom’s new house was just a few minutes from the apartment we’d shared. I tried to be happy for them. I set up my new bedrooms, still split my time evenly between my parents. But my stepmom had two kids already. Both young. Under three, I think. And she got pregnant again that same year. And my stepdad had a son, a few years older than what Lucas would’ve been. And…” I shrug inside Volik’s hold. “That was that.”

“What does that mean?”

“They moved on. I kept my head down. Occupied myself with whatever I could find to read. Books, magazines, newspapers. I wanted to learn about other people’s lives.” Since I didn’t like my own.

“The other siblings?”

I shrug again. “They didn’t bully me or anything, but we weren’t close. Other than my half brother at my dad’s, my stepsiblings spent time at their other parents’ houses too. So none of us ever lived together full-time. And as soon as I graduated from high school, I moved out. Since then, my parents have moved to different parts of the country. I occasionally hear from them, but I couldn’t tell you the last time we saw each other.”

“Déteste.” That heat flares around me again. But like before, it’s comforting. “My uncle will find us soon. Then you will have my family instead. And if you wish it, we can destroy your old one.”

I smile even as my eyes fill with more tears. “I’ll happily take your family.”

“And?”