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“Promise?”

“Cross my heart.” I dragged my finger across my chest in a semblance of a cross, trying to keep my expression serious. “Besides, we all know your blood pressure wouldn’t cope, and there’s only so many times Owen can fuck the stress out of you.”

Alfie snorted, biting his lip as he tried not to laugh, while Darcy’s face flushed a delicate shade of strawberry. He couldn’t deny it though. We both knew who’d supplied him and Owen with lube and condoms the first time they’d hooked up.

“I’m going back to the kitchen,” Darcy muttered, locking his phone and putting it in his jeans pocket.

“I love you,” I called after him before blowing him a kiss. He didn’t respond. But I knew he loved me anyway. I turned to Alfie, deciding now was the perfect time for a change of subject. “How’re you and lovely Jonathan doing? Things working out okay?”

“They’re good. Really good.” He smiled fondly as he glanced down in the now-full freezer, making sure I hadn’t missed anything. “We’re going to Theo and Laurie’s wedding at the end of October. It’s only a few weeks away and I need to find something to wear.”

“You’re cutting it a bit fine, aren’t you? Is this your way of asking for my help?”

“Not yet, but maybe. I’ve been putting it off, to be honest because I don’t know what to wear. I think I need to get a new suit. I’ve still got all the trousers from my last job, but they’re all a bit tatty. And I don’t think I want to wear any of the shirts I’ve been wearing all summer. I want to make an effort.”

“Makes sense.” I nodded. Outside of work, Alfie was a jeans and hoodie kind of guy. And they were usually nerdy hoodies too. His T-shirts were the same. Meanwhile Jonathan leant far more towards Victorian or romantic gothic, with ruffled shirts, harnesses, and waistcoats. They made an adorable couple, but I could see why Alfie wanted to dress up. He’d hate the idea of letting Jonathan down, despite the fact Jonathan would never see it that way.

“What’s Jonathan wearing? Is there a dress code?” I continued, grabbing the scoops so I could finish setting up behind the counter while Alfie logged into the iPad. All that was left for us to do was put the boards out so people would know we were open.

“I think it’s something like ‘dress to impress’ or ‘attempt to outshine the grooms’, which we all know is impossible. But Jonathan’s got a lovely black suit with flowers embroidered on the jacket. It’s got a waistcoat too. Then a ruffled shirt and a cravat.”

“What colour?”

“Er, red. Deep red. Almost like a burgundy, but very warm.”

I thought for a second, looking Alfie up and down. He’d struggle with anything ostentatious and he needed to be comfortable, but there were plenty of options out there. Half of my wardrobe was vintage stuff from charity shops, and I considered myself pretty good at finding shit and knowing what suited people. Plus, I refused to let Alfie be underdressed. I’d met Theo and Laurie, and I knew their wedding was going to be fabulous as fuck. If Alfie needed a suit, I was going to help him find the perfect one. “I know you said you don’t want help, but can I make some suggestions?”

“If you want,” Alfie said. “But you don’t have to! I was just going to go to York or Leeds and find something.”

“True, but you need to know what you’re looking for.”

“Then yes, please. I’d love some suggestions.”

I did my favourite victory-fist bump and grinned excitedly. “Awesome, okay. I’m gonna find you some fabulous shit! You’re going to look sexy as fuck and Jonathan won’t know what to do with himself.”

If I couldn’t get laid myself, I might as well make sure my friends were getting it regularly.

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Alfie said, returning my smile.

“You’re welcome! Right, I’m going to put the boards out, then let’s sell some ice cream!”

Sexy Milo

Hey I have a random question. Do you have any recommendations for good suit places please? Especially cool fabrics/prints or like vintage style. Trying to help Alfie find something for a wedding and I refuse to let him get a boring black suit. He needs to look cool!

Sexy Milo

Also how is Miss Elizabeth today? Is she as beautiful as ever?

Lizzie’s Hot Snake Dad

Yes, I’ve got a few. Do you know what sort of things he’s looking for? New pieces in a vintage style or actual vintage pieces? I do also have a couple of tailors I can recommend who do nice off the rack things. I’m assuming he’s not looking for custom made?

Lizzie’s Hot Snake Dad

[Sent a picture] And yes, she’s doing well. Currently doing her best impression of a scarf while I make dinner

Sexy Milo