Page 18 of Topped

“Cup of tea sounds chuffing lovely,” Milo said. “Oh! I’ve got some ice cream too. If you want that instead of biscuits. Or we could have both.”

“Ice cream would be amazing, please. What flavours did you bring this time?” I asked as we wandered through to the kitchen. Milo put the cool bag on the counter, with Lizzie sitting on his head, and began pulling out tubs.

“More strawberries and cream, and some cinnamon and white chocolate, and I think that’s… yeah, that’s chai,” he said as he opened a smaller tub and nodded. “It’s not really proper tubs, just odds and sods. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, it’s still ice cream.”

“True.” The way he smiled at me was dangerous. It made me want to lower my walls and believe, for a second, he might actually like me.

And that was never going to happen.

“I’ll, er, I’ll put the kettle on,” I said with a half-smile, not taking my eyes off him as I reached for the kettle, grasping at thin air until I finally found the handle. “Spoons are in that drawer. Bowls are in the cupboard above your head.”

“Sounds good. But if you’re not picky, we can just eat them out the tub.”

“Would you be okay with that?”

“Yeah, why not? I wouldn’t have suggested it otherwise.”

“I suppose not,” I said quietly, pushing my glasses up my nose as I tried to hide my embarrassment at asking such a silly question.

“Watched any good, weird documentaries lately?” Milo asked, handing me a spoon while the kettle boiled, gesturing at me to choose an ice cream. I hesitated for a moment over which to choose, then picked the cinnamon and white chocolate, because it sounded like an interesting combination, and I loved anything cinnamon flavoured or scented, as long as it wasn’t too artificial.

“Not really.” I shuffled awkwardly in place. Was what I watched really that weird? Should I not have told Milo about them?

“Really? I’d have thought you’d be all over that new one on Netflix. About the… oh, er, shit… the ship in… fuck, I can’t even remember now. But that one!”

I knew exactly which one he was talking about because I’d already watched it. “Oh, yes… I know the one you mean.”

“Right? You seriously haven’t watched it? Are you saving it or something?” He sounded so shocked, confusion scrawled across his face.

“I did,” I said quietly, unable to meet his eyes. “But, er, well… sorry, I’m being ridiculous.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Liar.”

I sighed and frowned, anguish clawing at my chest. This was exactly what I’d wanted to avoid. “I have rejection sensitivity disorder. It’s part of my ADHD. And it means I get… sometimes I take things intensely personally when they’re not even about me. And any kind of criticism or rejection hurts, like physically hurts my chest. And I know it’s ridiculous, okay? I know it makes me intolerable to be around and completely messed up and weird and⁠—”

“Hey, hey,” Milo said, putting his hand on my arm. His voice was gentle, soothing, like I was a spooked animal. I hadn’t even realised I’d raised my voice.

Shit, I really did ruin everything.

“It’s okay,” he said. “I get it. That shit hurts and I didn’t mean to upset you. Was it… what did I say?”

“The weird documentary thing. I wondered if that meant I was weird for watching them.” I sighed again, softer this time, and scrubbed my face again, dislodging my glasses. “I know it’s absurd, and I’m fully aware I’m being irrational. I try so hard to ignore it, because it’s something I just have to deal with, but sometimes it catches me by surprise. And now you’re going to hate me and never want to be around me again.”

“Bit of an exaggeration,” Milo said with a derisive snort, raising his eyebrow. “How about you let me decide for myself how I feel about you?”

“You can, but I’m just saving you some time.”

“Wow, okay.” He chuckled and shook his head, taking the ice cream tub out of my hand and put it on the counter. Then he put his hands on either side of my face, and I was too shocked to respond. The only thing I could think about was that his hands were cold. And this close, his eyes were beautiful.

“I like you, Rupert, okay? Yeah, you’re a bit uptight and up yourself, but I kinda like that. You fascinate me, which probably sounds fucking weird but I like weird. And I’m just as absurd as you, do you want a fucking list? So, let’s not jump to the end of the world. Let’s have some ice cream and a cup of tea and watch this fucked-up ship documentary, and you can tell me all your thoughts about it.”

“You… that… are you sure?” I couldn’t do anything but stare at him. Mostly because Milo still had a hold of my face. But I’d never had anyone say anything like that to me.