Page 22 of Topped

I cursed myself for getting caught. “No… I just… sorry.”

“What then? You keep looking at me.”

“You… you have a very nice mouth,” I said. “And it keeps distracting me.”

“I… what?”

“Your mouth, it’s very pretty and I can’t stop staring at it.” I shouldn’t have said it once, let alone repeated myself, but fuck it, it was too late for regret now. I was riding this train all the way to the end, where there’d either be a station for me to stop at, or a cliff to fall off and die in a fiery furnace.

“Oh.” Rupert’s voice was soft, but he didn’t look uncomfortable. Just confused. Did he not know how pretty his mouth was?

“Sorry, you can tell me to sod off,” I said quickly. “I just wanted to be honest with you.”

“I don’t mind,” he said, eyes finally meeting mine.

“Yeah?”

He nodded and hummed, leaning a tiny bit closer. “I like your mouth too. Every time I see it, I keep thinking about one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Kissing you.”

I swallowed, heart hammering in my chest as I gently reached out for him, the background sounds of Novel Tea fading away like someone had shut a door. “Kiss me then,” I said quietly.

Rupert’s jaw was warm to my touch, his lips soft as he brushed them against mine, the taste of tea and honey cake lingering on his mouth.

Chapter Eight

Rupert

For a brief moment, when I pressed my lips to Milo’s, I felt my mind go blissfully quiet. No rushing thoughts, no worries, no fears, no half-wondering what I was going to have for tea tonight. Just perfect silence.

His mouth was soft and blissfully sweet, my body relaxing as it remembered what it was like to be kissed. It had been a painfully long time since anyone had tried, too many cut off by my sharp tongue and panicking brain before I’d let them get close enough. But Milo had seen my harsh edges and instead of walking away he’d simply wrapped them in tea towels and carried on. Like they weren’t something to be afraid of.

I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. But in the meantime, I was going to allow myself to want.

Slowly, we broke apart, sitting back slightly but remaining close enough to touch. Milo smiled, stars dancing in his eyes. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know what was right. What if I said the wrong thing and fucked everything up? A flash of panic burst in my chest, red and dazzling, like someone inside me had fired a flare gun into the night.

Milo put his hand on my knee, tilting his head slightly to meet my eyes as I tried to look away. “Hey, what’s up? I can hear you worrying.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Really? Because your thoughts are very loud.” He grinned and squeezed my leg, gently grounding me before my thoughts ran away from me. “If it helps, that was awesome. Yes, I liked kissing you. Yes, I’d totally do it again. And no, you didn’t fuck anything up.”

I let out a soft chuckle, more of a release of nerves than a laugh. “Get out of my mind.”

“No. It’s nice in there. Very interesting.”

“It’s really not.”

“Well I think it is, so there.” He blew a raspberry at me and I snorted. This man was so bloody ridiculous, and it was more endearing than I’d ever expected. I’d never thought I’d actually like him. Maybe I shouldn’t have written him off from the first moment I saw him, standing in the sunshine and laughing, confidence radiating out of him. He’d entranced and terrified me all at once, so of course, I’d thrown up my walls and been spiteful, determined to protect myself from him before he’d even opened his mouth.

If I hadn’t done that, would we have gotten to this point sooner or would I inevitably have fucked it up over the summer? We’d both been very busy for the last few months, and I didn’t always react well when I was tired or stressed. It exacerbated my ADHD and although I was medicated, it wasn’t a complete cure-all. It couldn’t overcome me being exhausted or stop me making bad decisions. And blaming my ADHD for lashing out was a dick move. Being neurodivergent wasn’t an excuse to be an arsehole. I had to take responsibility for my actions.

“Want to tell me what you were thinking about?” Milo asked.

“Just… I mean it’s ridiculous, really.”