Page 162 of Love at First Fright

We shifted, lying down properly, facing each other. The smile that spread across Bat’s face was pure delight.

“This is like a sleepover!”

“Did you have many of those?”

“A few. Though none quite like this.” He laced our fingers together. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“When did you know you were gay?”

I couldn’t help blinking at him. “Oh, um, ages. Forever.”

Bat’s eyes searched my face. “Are you even gay? I mean, are you bisexual?”

“Gay. Properly gay. I’ve known for as long as I can remember. I didn’t talk about it until I was about sixteen, though. My family were all very supportive. I was a bit worried about Dad, because my grandparents on his side are pretty old-school, but he totally surprised me. He was better than Mum, actually. She clearly felt quite uncomfortable talking about it too much, but he jumped straight into it, including lectures on safe sex.”

Bat’s expression grew wistful. “That sounds nice.”

“Lectures on safe sex from your dad?! Yeah, it was brilliant. Especially loved the bit about herpes being a lifelong disease.”

Bat laughed, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “My parents were… quietly horrified when I told them. It became one of those topics that never got discussed during my very infrequent visits home.”

The lightness between us shifted, became heavier.

“My bandmates were cool with it, though,” he added quickly. “That’s all that mattered.” He squeezed my fingers. “You must have had loads of boyfriends.”

My face flushed. “Umm… not that many, really.”

“Well, more than me. I had zero, unless we’re counting this guy Michael, who I can barely remember kissing once.”

“I had something in my twenties that lasted three years. It was long distance, though, and it fizzled out. Then a few more flings that lasted a couple of months each. Then there was Ryan.”

Bat’s face scrunched up like he’d tasted something sour.

I laughed. “Deep down, I was relieved when Ryan broke up with me.”

A flash of a grin. “Well, I can’t say I’m sorry about that.”

We fell into silence, gazing into each other’s eyes. An entire conversation passed between us without words. The weight of everything—the impossibility of this situation, the intensity crackling between us despite having known each other for no time at all—settled over us like a heavy blanket.

“Does it… always feel like this?” he asked, very quietly.

“No,” I whispered, running my fingers through his choppy dark hair. “It definitely doesn’t.”

Another pause. The intimacy felt enormous, terrifying, perfect.

Then the words tumbled out before I could stop them.

“I want babies.”

What the actual fuck, Charlie?

Bat’s entire body recoiled, his face cycling through confusion, alarm, and something that looked suspiciously like panic. His expression was so comically horrified that I might have laughed if I wasn’t busy dying of mortification.

“Listen,” he said quickly, “you know I was only joking earlier about putting ghost babies inside you, right? That’s not really how it works.”

Laughter burst out of me and I buried my face in the pillow. “Oh God. Sorry. That just randomly slipped out.” I peeked up at him. “Not ghost babies. And not babies, probably, they’re so… small and squishy. But… kids. I think I want them.”