Page 23 of Oblivious Roommate

“You know, I really want to go out,” Cass says and offers me a smile that seems sad somehow. “You up for a little hike?”

“Always. Just let me grab my shoes.”

I might feel like shit, but fresh air always does me good.

I’m suddenly aware of how slobby I am around the apartment sometimes. I walk around in a T-shirt with a hole at the bottom, and neon green sweatpants that have seen better days. If I’m to be gay around Cass, even secretly, I need to step up my game.

I was supposed to just grab hiking boots, but end up jumping into the shower for an express wash, because I refuse to smell of booze and Aaron’s carpet around Cassian. I try to dress as fast as possible when I’m done, but my brain is sharp again and conjuring images of Cass showering, of the times I’ve seen him naked when we went skinny-dipping, or that time last week when I had the bright idea to snatch the towel off his hips and let him chase me around the house.

I am an idiot.

By the time I leave my room, he has coffee waiting for me in a thermal cup, and the air smells of the eggs and bacon filling for the sandwich resting next to the beverage.

“I figured you might need an energy boost. You can eat in the car,” Cass says, zipping up his waterproof jacket.

I’m so happy I could cry. “Oh, God! It’s like you read my mind.” I grab the sandwich, put my puffy jacket on and we’re out.

On the way to the car, I glance at him now and then, trying not to stare. Everything is different now.

I don’t just recognize that he's handsome. I’m the one thinking he’s handsome.

I don’t think his cologne is nice. I like how the cologne smells on him.

I want to smell his shampoo, and slide my hands under his jacket, and I don’t know what else, but I definitely want to kiss him again. In fact, it’s hard not to focus on his soft lips.

Would he be embarrassed if he found out I feel that way? I’m his best friend but that hardly means he finds me attractive.

I am not feeling that great, and Cass isn’t too chatty, so I opt to eat my sandwich later and let myself doze off in the car despite the coffee I drank moments before. By the time I startle awake, we’re surrounded by trees covered with leaves in beautiful autumnal colors. The Jeep is the only vehicle in the small parking lot in the woods, but I didn’t expect there to be lots of people on the day after the party night that is Halloween.

When I step outside, the air calms me with its earthy scent.

I can’t hear a single car.

“Damn, just what I needed,” I say and smile at Cass, who looks back at me from above a map.

“I was afraid you wouldn’t feel like it today.”

“Nah, with you? Always.” I nudge him with an elbow, but then still with the sandwich halfway to my open mouth.

Was that a weird thing to say? Was it a gay thing to say? Am I flirting?

I have no idea since this is stuff I always say to him. Before I put my foot in my mouth, I put the sandwich in my mouth.

Cass smiles, but his gaze darts around us, and he leans in for a hug that envelops me in the loveliest cocoon of all. How could I have not noticed before how amazing he feels and smells.

“Thanks,” he says, pulling back after the briefest moment. “Never change, man.”

Too late. But I don’t say it out loud.

I beam at him once I swallow the first bite. “You keep making me food like this and you got it.”

It’s where the problem lies though. Maybe he likes our relationship the way it is. There’s a stability to it, and if I rock the boat, we might both fall out and drown.

When his eyes meet mine, I want to shove him to the pile of dry leaves behind him and kiss his lips until they’re sore. The yearning inside me is already excruciating, and I’ve only just realized I’m gay. I hate it, and I love it, and it’s an absolute clusterfuck.

I eat even more voraciously, despite the fact that eggs and bacon can’t satisfy my other pressing needs.

“So what’s with the plastic mace you had on the table? Did you change costumes later in the night or something?” I ask, hoping I sound innocent.