Page 20 of An Uncertain Road

Jensen stalked toward her, ready to settle the matter once and for all. If he could get her to understand the importance of his effort to keep his friends safe, they might be able to work together for the rest of the tour rather than pulling in different directions. “We’ve had fun. I allowed plenty of fun in New York. But this is serious business. People die during these races, Flora.”

Her eyes flashed, and her lips tightened into a hard line. All at once, Jensen remembered he wasn’t the only one who’d lost someone dear because of a reckless racing choice. He started to reach for her hand, wishing he could pull the words back, but stopped himself before he touched her. He had no right to do so. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have let my words get ahead of my thoughts. I know you’ve experienced that loss firsthand too.”

“Yes, I have.” The chill in her voice told him the apology wasn’t enough. “I’m more than aware of what happens when someone dies during a race. Don’t you think I weighed all that before agreeing to this? Before ever stepping foot back in a car? It took months, Jensen, before I could even look at this machine. Henri bought it for me, and while we never raced it, I still felt the horror of the moment I heard about his accident every time I went near it. But I managed to get past that fear and discover joy in my life again. I don’t know what made you feel you have to control everything to be safe, but it might be time for you to worry more about yourself and the pain you carry than about everyone else’s choices.”

She spun on the toe of one boot and marched back to the picnic blanket. Jensen stood rooted to the spot, unable to think what he could even say to her in response. She had been through a worse loss than his and yet, as she said, she’d found a way to dig out from under that pain. Was he more stuck in the memory of Gregory’s death than he realized? Should he be more focused on healing and less on protecting those around him?

He thought about it all afternoon. The drive was long, but while the roads grew more rutted in spots, they were never dangerously so. The packed dirt smoothed out closer to towns, which they encountered often. But Jensen’s thoughts made for rough going no matter how well-kept the route was.

He went over and over Flora’s words. Somehow, although she didn’t know the circumstances of the accident, she had put her finger on exactly what held Jensen back in every aspect of his life. Was it time to let the pain of Gregory’s death go? Was it even possible for him to release the guilt over his part in the tragedy? He’d never thought it would be possible, but Flora had been able to move forward with her life.

Maybe he could too.

CHAPTER 10

Flora drove the car into Hartford, Connecticut, squarely within the time frame listed in the rule book. It was a relief to leave the car for the officials to inspect after she’d accomplished her goal for the day—getting there on time with no mechanical issues that would deduct points from their score. She could rest easy that night knowing at least she hadn’t failed on the first day.

There were several who had. Word spread around the area marked off for the cars to park overnight that two competitors had gotten lost and missed the window for full points. Another team had broken off an entire wheel hitting a particularly deep rut while going too fast. They decided it wasn’t worth continuing after the amount of time it would take to repair the car. So she could also take pride in not being the first team out of the race.

Once the car had been checked and parked, Flora looked around the area where many of the drivers and mechanics were standing around talking. Most of them pretended she wasn’t there at all. Sam Kelly tipped his hat to her but then turned right back to his teammates. Unsure what else to do, she wandered through the rows of cars, taking her time heading toward the hotel. It was quite a relief to see Beth waving to get Flora’s attention as she came out the door.

Looping her arm through Flora’s, Beth steered them away from the building. “I’ve been told it’s a short walk to the shops in town. Let’s have some time to relax, just us ladies.”

Flora glanced back at the hotel even as Beth pulled her away. “What about Fred and Jensen?”

Beth grinned. “Oh, Fred likes to have some time to himself now and then. He tries not to say it in as many words, to protect my feelings, I’m sure. But I need time apart occasionally too. So I arrange for errands to keep me busy. I haven’t seen Jensen since we arrived, though. Do you think he’d want to come along?”

Flora’s face must have shown complete disbelief that Beth would even ask, because the other woman took one look at her and dissolved into laughter. “No, you’re quite right. Jensen would not want to come shopping with us.”

With that settled, they followed the directions Beth had gotten to the nicest shopping district in Hartford. The evening flew by in a rush of admiring goods while Beth chattered about everything under the sun. It wasn’t until they were in the last store on the main street, a milliner’s shop, that Beth finally paused and met Flora’s gaze. “You must tell me how you’re feeling about today. Was it difficult getting in the car this morning to start a race without your husband?”

A sudden wave of emotion caught Flora off guard, closing her throat so she had to swallow several times.

Beth gasped and rested her hand on Flora’s arm. “Oh, dear, I’ve hurt you by saying it so bluntly. I’m sorry. If you don’t want to talk about it, of course, I can mind my own business.”

Shaking her head, Flora offered the best smile she could muster to show Beth she wasn’t upset at the question. “No, I don’t mind talking about Henri and his death. It was hard, but I’ve come to terms with it. What made me emotional is realizing how long it’s been since someone asked me how I feel about something.”

“Not even Jensen?”

The tone Beth used made a flush start creeping up Flora’s neck. She and Jensen had spent a good deal of time together since this whole thing started. How must that look to everyone around them? “No, especially not Jensen. He has moments of kindness and even charm, but then he goes right back to frowning at me.”

Beth linked arms with Flora again as they left the shop. They strolled back along the street, heading in the direction of the hotel but in no hurry. Beth’s voice was calmer and more serious than Flora had ever heard her. “Fred told me a little about Jensen’s past, and it’s hard, all of it. He lost his parents at a young age. Thankfully, the Harrisons took him in, and they’re as close as any family. But he was especially dear friends with Fred’s brother, Gregory.”

Flora had heard mentions of the eldest Harrison brother, but never details about what had happened to him. “That story feels rather like a closely held family secret.”

Beth nodded. “It is. Most of the family doesn’t talk about him much. As the youngest, Fred has fewer memories of Gregory, but also feels free to bring him up when the others don’t.”

“Do you know how Gregory died?”

Looking toward the hotel as it grew closer with each step, Beth hesitated. Then she glanced at Flora with a sad smile. “Only a bit. It was a racing accident five years ago. Jensen was his mechanic, but for some reason, he wasn’t in the car when the accident occurred. That’s all I know. Fred was fifteen, and the family tried to protect him by refusing to tell him any details. Now they don’t talk about it at all.”

Flora let the sadness of that revelation wash over her. Jensen lost his best friend to a racing accident, much like the way she lost Henri. Then the family refused to grieve properly, instead shrouding Gregory’s life in silence. It was all so tragic.

And it gave Jensen’s mood changes so much perspective. Their conversation at lunch jumped to the forefront of her mind. The way he’d said that she lost someone to racing, too—as if he was commiserating with her—made sense now. She’d been right when she told him he was stuck in his pain, although at the time, she hadn’t known how similar his loss was to hers.

But one question lingered. Why hadn’t Jensen been in the car helping his teammate as he should have been during a race?

The two women reached the hotel and found a crowd still gathered around the parked race cars. Many of the drivers and mechanics were milling around, talking with spectators about their cars and the first leg of the tour. Maybe it was time to join them and see if she could get to know any of the other team members a bit.