Page 36 of An Uncertain Road

He hadn’t intended to say all that, but the words stopped Flora’s temper short. She looked at him, blinking as it all sank in. “You weren’t trying to prove you were right? Or that you know better than I do?”

“All I could think…” Unintended hoarseness crept into Jensen’s voice, and he had to clear his throat to continue. “All I could think about was protecting you.”

Stillness came over Flora and their eyes locked. She swallowed hard.

The raw emotion hanging between them was about to choke him with its intensity. He had to change the subject, and quickly. “Fred and Beth are waiting to return to the hotel. I could drive us back if you need a break.”

Blinking as the moment passed, Flora nodded, much to his surprise. “I would appreciate that. Let’s get back to the hotel. A restful evening will do us all good before we begin the return trip tomorrow.”

Jensen offered her his arm. “I agree.”

It was strange to have Flora sitting on the other side of him in the car, and even stranger to get into the driver’s seat. He had to take a moment as the engine rumbled to life to force back memories of the last time he’d driven a car, the day that had forever changed him. He closed his eyes and let a deep breath work through his lungs and back out before setting his hands on the steering wheel.

He could do this for Flora. She needed him, and he wasn’t going to let her down.

While he hesitated, Fred leaned forward and clapped Jensen on the shoulder. “Jensen, I haven’t seen you drive in years. It suits you almost as well as it does Flora.”

Mentally begging Fred to stay quiet, Jensen eased the car into motion. There was no way to forget the movement required to operate the car. Although the Decauville was much larger and more advanced than the hand-built racecars he used to drive, Jensen knew without thinking how to perform every action to get them on the road and back to the hotel. But he wouldn’t claim that he enjoyed the experience anywhere near like he used to.

Fred, however, didn’t take Jensen’s silence as the hint it was and kept talking. “How long’s it been since you drove, anyway? Since the racing days, I suppose? Gregory always said you had the makings of a great driver to go along with those mechanical skills.”

Without looking, Jensen could tell the comment caught Flora’s attention. That was exactly what he didn’t want, but there was no way to tell Fred to keep his mouth shut without making it worse. “I’d say so.”

Flora finally chimed in. “Perhaps we should take turns driving on the way back to New York, then.”

Even over the noise of the car and the wind in their faces, the tartness in her voice was audible. Jensen may have calmed her immediate anger over his mistake on the mountain, but there was no way she’d recover so quickly from the hurt he’d caused. When the sting passed, she was probably going to be curious about his racing career. He would have to decide between confessing his part in what happened with Gregory or lying to Flora about it.

Neither of those options felt like something he could live with.

CHAPTER 17

Flora had to drag herself out of her room the next morning. As she drove the Decauville out of the Mount Washington Hotel driveway in order with the other tour competitors, she tried to force her mind to focus, to watch the road, and think about what needed to happen that day. But that was as impossible as it had been the entire sleepless night.

Beth had told Flora earlier about the racing crash that killed Fred’s brother, but hearing Fred talk about Jensen’s racing days had sparked so many questions. Why did Jensen never speak of it? He must realize that she knew he was connected to the sport. The instincts that told him the best way to set up the car and how to inform her of what was happening around them while she was focused on driving could only have come from years of experience.

Yet he chose to withhold any mention of his racing life from her.

The memory of his impassioned expression at Mount Washington the day before when he admitted to being consumed with her safety made her wonder if Gregory’s death had made a bigger impact on Jensen than she’d realized. Of course, losing his best friend in a tragic accident would have affected him. He must have felt the grief as strongly as if he lost his own sibling. But was that where his consuming instinct to avoid risk at all costs originated? Rather than working through his grief, had it become the impetus for a life centered around remaining safe and risk-free, no matter the cost?

Flora glanced at him out of the corner of her eye as they reached the open road, heading south for the first time. He’d hardly spoken a word to any of them since they returned from the hill climb the day before. Fred’s mere mention of Jensen’s previous racing had caused him to close himself off from everyone around him.

By the time they stopped for lunch after an uneventful morning, Flora had thought of something even more devastating than young Jensen losing his best friend. He must have also been affected by the older Harrisons’ unwillingness to talk about Gregory’s death. Beth had told her it was treated as a family secret that no one would bring up. Jensen must have internalized the pain for so long, he was unable to bear the mention of that time.

And the thought broke Flora’s heart.

Yes, he’d hurt her at the mountain summit. But she still cared about him enough that the situation he was in made her sad. After some time to think, she could see that her rash assumption that he was the same as Clement or Henri would never be true. Anyone forced to bear such an immense hurt without speaking of it would find it difficult to live a free, joyful life. Flora had endured heartache growing up but had Owen at her side. When he was gone and she lost Henri, Isabelle had been a constant companion, insisting that they not stifle their pain but let it out so they could find healing.

Jensen had never faced his pain, and it forced its way out in the form of an obsession with always picking the safest option—for himself and those around him. In a way, it seemed to show that he cared.

But what should Flora do with that realization? She watched him during their quick lunch at a local restaurant. If only he would tell her about it and thus open the communication between them. After all, she’d confessed her entire past to him. And it felt more freeing than she’d ever imagined. Especially now, with his harsh responses viewed in the light of his past hurt, their connection was stronger than it had ever been.

Beth was quiet during lunch, picking at her food and looking as if she wasn’t feeling well. Fred fussed over her every few minutes while Jensen sulked, and Flora searched for a way to convince him he could let his pain out with her.

The quiet at their table set Flora on edge until one of the local patrons at the next table speared them with a glare, his voice loud enough to draw the attention of everyone in the room. “I don’t know what this world is coming to when you motorists come driving through here like the devil himself’s at your tails. I don’t like it, I tell you. People aren’t meant to move that fast.”

The four of them turned in unison to stare at the two men. What had caused that outburst? Flora tried to clear up what was happening. “Excuse me?”

The other man at the table pointed a finger at them. “John’s right. Nothing good comes of having that kind of power. What you folks did over at Kelly’s farm proves it.”