Page 34 of Deadly Waves

Eleven

“These are good,” Ally said, sipping from her fruity mixed drink and sitting on one of the deck loungers that was close to the hallway that led to their rooms. “I like any drink that makes my mouth blue.” She stuck out her tongue, causing Mandy to giggle.

“Yes, that is nice,” Mandy said, leaning back so she could stare at the stars. The night was warm and breezy, no clouds in the sky. She felt utterly relaxed after seeing the shark. “Whenever I do it James says I remind him of a horny blue Smurf.”

Ally snorted. “You guys seem more relaxed tonight,” she said, sipping. “I guess the shark was good for multiple reasons, huh?”

Mandy shifted her gaze to Ally, surprised. “I … what do you mean?”

“She doesn’t mean anything,” Sophie said hurriedly. She wasn’t in the mood for a potential argument. “Ignore her. You know how she gets when she’s been drinking.”

“I’m not drunk,” Ally argued. “I’m just pointing out that Mandy and James seemed more like their old selves tonight. I like it.”

Mandy pressed her lips together as she glanced down at her drink. She internally debated how to respond for a few moments, and then decided to take Ally head-on instead of tiptoeing around her best friend. “We’re not trying to shut everyone out.”

“I know you’re not,” Ally said. “That’s simply a byproduct of what’s happening. No one blames you. After everything that happened … .”

“It’s not just what happened to me,” Mandy said. “I’m pretty much over it. Er, well, I’m pretty much over Clint. I’m not sure I’ll ever get over what happened to Heidi.”

“You can’t blame yourself for that,” Emma said, her expression serious as she leaned forward. “I spent years blaming myself for what my father did. I thought if I would’ve done something sooner, I might’ve been able to save a few kids from being terrorized by him.

“That’s still true,” she continued. “I feel a certain amount of guilt when I think about it. You can’t go back in time, though, and I didn’t ask my father to do the things that he did. You have to let it go, because you didn’t ask for Clint to be a sick jerk and kill Heidi.”

“No, but … if I hadn’t pushed them together, Heidi would still be alive,” Mandy said. “I can’t ignore that simple fact. It’s impossible.”

“Yes, but you’re stuck with what happened,” Ally said. “Clint was messed up. He built up a relationship with you in his mind that simply wasn’t there in the real world. He might’ve always gone after Heidi to send you a message. You’ll never know.”

“That doesn’t really make me feel better,” Mandy said, scratching her cheek.

“No, probably not,” Sophie conceded. She had no idea how to comfort Mandy because she was fairly certain she would feel the exact same way if she stepped in the blonde’s shoes. Guilt – real or imagined – can paralyze people. Sophie was convinced she wouldn’t be doing nearly as well if she switched places with Mandy.

“You said that it wasn’t just about what happened to you,” Ally prodded, resting her hand on Mandy’s wrist. “You said that you and James weren’t retreating into your own world merely because you were kidnapped. What did you mean?”

“It’s James,” Mandy admitted. “I feel one sort of guilt and he feels another. He’s … wrecked … over what happened to me. He blames himself.”

“Well, that’s silly,” Emma said. “How was he supposed to know that Clint was sick in the head?”

“There’s no way he could, but he keeps saying little things – like he should’ve gone to the storage room with me because Clint never would’ve dared attack if he was around, or he should’ve killed Clint the day he met him so none of this happened – and it’s eating him up,” Mandy replied. “I think his guilt is even worse than mine.”

“Well, you tell him that Clint was mental enough to attack and kill him in that storage room and still take you,” Ally said. “I’m pretty sure that would’ve been worse. I’m not minimizing how terrible it must’ve been for you in that cabin, but in the grand scheme of things, I feel we got really lucky.”

“Lucky?” Emma was dumbfounded. “She was tied to a chair and smacked around.”

“Yes, but she wasn’t raped and she got out alive,” Ally said, opting for honesty. “She could’ve died if she misread the situation and Clint lost it. She also could’ve been raped because he was determined to prove she loved him.” It was hard for Ally to say the words given the fact that Emma’s father repeatedly raped her when she was a child, but she refused to back down. “Mandy got off relatively lucky in a lot of respects.”

“I agree with Ally on that,” Mandy said. “The kidnapping honestly doesn’t bother me. I still have a few nightmares here and there – and sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night I gulp down water because I think I’m dehydrated again – but those things will fade. Heidi won’t fade. James’ guilt doesn’t seem to be fading either.”

“James has always taken things to heart,” Ally said. “He’s got this hero complex that I don’t know how to explain. While you were gone, though, he was … a mess.”

“That bothers him, too,” Mandy admitted. “He’s mentioned it so many times I’ve lost count. I tried to get him to talk about it the other night, but I approached it in the wrong manner. I mentioned I wanted him to be happy and marry someone else if something happened to me and he completely shut down the conversation.”

“Yes, well, perhaps your kidnapping made you stupid or something,” Ally teased, shaking her head. “Why would you think that he would be okay with that?”

“Because I want him to be happy.”

“He can’t be happy without you,” Sophie said. “Sorry. That’s just the way of the world. You got lucky and found a man who loves you with his entire heart and soul. That means that he can never love anyone else. It’s a double-edged sword.”

“The idea of him being sad and alone breaks my heart,” Mandy said. “I want him to always be happy.”