Page 14 of Her Royal Rebellion

“I have no idea.”

Should I tell him? I considered him a friend, and he was one of the few people in my life who understood exactly what I was going through. I just didn’t want it to get out that I had other options. I didn’t want word to spread that I might be leaving, especially before I made a decision.

“Can I ask you something, in confidence?”

He turned to face me, his mouth barely a frown. “Of course.”

“Sergeant Brown gave me a few options last time we met. I’m not sure what I want to do.”

“Okay, start with the options,” he stated calmly.

I appreciated he was treating this logically and not making it seem like a big deal. “I can retire. I didn’t put in my year notice, but he said he can work it out. I can stay here. Or he offered me the lead on a special task force. He couldn’t give me much information about it, just that it would include a promotion and a lot of travel.”

His eyebrows rose. “Interesting.” He seemed to be thinking it over. “And you still have no idea what you’re going to do?”

I sighed. “No, I honestly never thought about life beyond the Marines. It’s been my sole focus since I was a kid. I knew I wanted to serve and signed up the day I turned eighteen. It’s been six years and I’m still not sure what comes after this. I guess I never considered the possibility of something else.”

He didn’t respond immediately, and once again I was grateful he was taking this seriously, not giving me a blow-off response.

“No one can tell you what to do. Remember that. The most important thing is to be true to yourself. Any decision you make is the one you have to live with, no one else.”

I agreed.

“I don’t think you can make the right decision until you figure out what you want. You really need to consider your goals and what you want out of life. I can be your sounding board and we can bounce ideas and pros and cons off of each other, but ultimately, you won’t be confident in your choice without knowing yourself a bit better.”

I let out a sigh. “You’re right. I have to really think about what I want. Sergeant Brown said I had some time to decide, but I don’t want to drag it out. I need to figure this out.”

He nodded. “Well, what do you want in life?”

“In general?”

“Sure. When you’re eighty and looking back, what do you want to have accomplished? Do you want to be married? Do you want children?”

“Yes. I want a family eventually.”

“Okay. That’s a huge factor. The next step would be deciding the timeline on that. Is that ten years away? Five? One? If a family is an immediate priority, then I wouldn’t recommend accepting the task force. You have no idea how long the mission will be and they’re known to be all consuming. It doesn’t sound very conducive to a home life, so you should take that into consideration.”

That was a great point. Dating would be impossible. Having a wife and children while running that team wouldn’t be fair to anyone. I had no idea how dangerous it was either. I couldn’t put a family through that.

But was I ready for that life? I couldn’t picture myself married either. At least, not yet.

“If that’s all a ways off, then you need to think about how long you want to stay in active service. What do you want to do once you’re out?”

“I have no idea. That’s what I’ve never been able to envision.”

“Maybe you’re meant for a military career.”

“That’s what my father’s done. I don’t think that’s what I want either.”

He laughed. “You have some serious thinking to do, mate.”

I nodded. “I know. Thanks for letting me talk it out.”

“Yeah, let me know when you have some ideas.”

“I will.” We both faced the screen and continued our task of running checks. The Marquess from Belgium didn’t stand out. Then again, a fourth of the country was noble so it wasn’t much of a surprise he wanted his chance to meet the princess. It was shocking there weren’t more Belgians on the list. Maybe they were taking their turn.

“He won’t last a day,” Shane said with a chuckle. He wrote down the marquis’s interest in equestrian activities. “Isla finds that incredibly boring.”