Page 29 of Face Off

“I’ll try.”

He nodded. “Have you told anyone else?”

“Not on the team.” I looked through the windows to the rest of the team inside. These guys had become my family. I finally felt accepted, settled, and things were about to change. I wasn’t normally one to complain about how unfair life was, but right now? Things sucked.

After I met with Madi and got her professional opinion, I needed to have a conversation with Coach Romney. I needed to lay it all out for him and hope that he would be honest with me, more so than anyone was in the meeting. I refused to sit back and let decisions get made without me fighting back. I’d sacrificed too much. Given too much of my blood, sweat, and tears for this sport and this team to just roll over and give up. I’d been working to get to this point since I was four years old. No one would take it away from me.

My life, my teammates, my career were everything. Knowing I had my friends’ support lit a fire in me. I wasn’t going out without a fight.

11

Holly

I had very exciting plans of going to the grocery store and maybe cleaning the apartment this weekend, but then Chloe, Taylor, and several of the women texted me and convinced me to meet them at a park for a playdate instead.

After another week of balancing work and Sadie, and stressing over the diminishing amount in my bank account, I decided I could use a break.

Sadie got along with all the kids last week, but I could tell she really liked Milo and Finn which was good because I loved getting to know Sydney. It was great meeting all of the women of the Pride, but I ended up clicking with her, Addi, and Amelia as soon as we met.

“Mommy, can we color?” Sadie asked from the living room.

I grabbed a coloring book and her favorite markers, which only showed up on the special paper, making them my favorite too.

“Here you go, sweetie. I’m going to shower and get ready, then we’re going to see your friends again.”

Her eyes lit up. “Finn and Milo?”

“Yeah.” I smiled at her excited clapping.

“And Eli and Callan?” she asked.

“I think so.” I wasn’t sure who would end up showing up to the playground. “Maybe Jackson too.”

“Yay! Can we go now?” Her coloring was already forgotten.

“Not yet. After I shower and we eat lunch.” I almost regretted telling her too soon. It was always better to spring it on her on our way. Now she was going to ask me every three seconds if we could leave.

I pointed to the clock on the wall. “When both hands are up here, we’ll leave.” I pointed to the twelve. That was easy enough for her to remember, and she liked being able to keep track. I had a feeling that as soon as she learned how clocks worked, she would use that to her advantage and change the time. Luckily, I probably had another year or so before that started.

“I’ll be in the bathroom if you need me,” I told her as I walked down the short hall. The day I realized she was able to entertain herself was one of the greatest in my life. Being able to have just a few minutes of freedom to shower or clean or even go to the bathroom without worrying about her or keeping an eye on her was such a relief.

That was one of the things no one ever told me about being a single mom. I had no backup. I knew that, but I hadn’t really thought about how convenient having another person to help would be. The idea of passing off some of the parenting responsibility sounded like a fantasy.

Not that I would have given up a second of life with her. She was more than worth the hard days.

But it would have been nice.

Maybe one day, in the very distant future, I’d meet a man that loved me and my daughter. One who understood she would always be my first priority and didn’t try to change that. One who wanted to be there for the long nights, stuffy noses, and tantrums just as much as the giggles and dancing and hugs.

Did that man even exist, or was that a fantasy every single mom had? I wasn’t going to hold my breath waiting for him.

I thought for a moment that there had been a flicker of interest from Mikey. After the string of unfortunate run-ins, I felt like things changed at the photoshoot. Just a little bit.

But I saw it at Chloe’s house. The moment when he put together the pieces and realized I wasn’t just a single woman. I came as a package deal. He shut down. A wall went up, and he didn’t look at me the way he had just moments before. The attraction and interest vanished.

And I went from running into him almost every day to not seeing him once this week. That was fine. I was used to it. Prepared for it. Most guys wouldn’t want to join in on this mess, let alone a young, professional athlete. He was at the top of his game, and the brief internet search I did on him––for work purposes––proved he was just as much of a player off the ice. A different woman every week. Walking in and out of clubs and bars at all hours of the night and day.

Mikey could be a work friend. A colleague I could joke with and maybe even hang out with at events, but it would never be more than that.