Page 30 of Face Off

And that was fine.

I was fine.

Which was why I shampooed my hair twice rather than using conditioner. Because I was fine. Unaffected. Not bothered in the least.

I was also a terrible liar.

I knew the guy for two weeks, half of which I really disliked him. It shouldn’t matter what he thought about me and my situation or that he wasn’t interested in me. But it did.

“Mommy?” Sadie’s voice came from the other side of the curtain. I pulled it back and smiled.

“Yeah?”

“I finished this one.” She held up her coloring book from the side, letting it fall open.

“Okay, I’ll get you another one from the closet when I’m out.”

She sighed. “How much longer?”

I would have been done if I had been paying attention. “Two minutes.”

She dropped her arm and shuffled into the hall, dragging the book behind her and not bothering to shut the door.

I quickly rinsed out my hair and toweled off before wrapping my robe around me and getting her a new coloring book. When I handed it to her, I kissed the top of her head.

“Thanks, Mommy.” She flipped open to the first page and got to work.

With her distracted, I hurried back to the bathroom and put on a minimal amount of makeup before brushing out my hair. I debated twisting it up into a bun or taking the time to blow dry it.

Why make the effort? It wasn’t like I was trying to impress any of the women that would be there. Then again, it would make me feel like more of a functional human if I didn’t leave with wet hair.

I decided the few extra minutes would be worth it in the long run and plugged in the blow drier I’d had since I was in high school, praying it would start and not make the apartment smell like burning hair like it sometimes did.

After getting dressed in cropped linen pants and a T-shirt, I went back to the kitchen, feeling pretty good about myself. I tried to look professional at work, but the whole process of getting ready was fairly new to me. In Colorado, I didn’t have anywhere to go or anyone to see, so I usually skipped makeup and washing my hair most days out of convenience.

Dedicating a little time to my appearance felt selfish the first day, but it was good for me. I felt like a normal, functioning human for the first time since Sadie was born. It only took moving out of state and getting a job for it to happen.

“You’re pretty, Mommy.” Sadie stood at my side, peering into the open fridge. “Is it lunchtime?”

I twisted her hair in my fingers while I stared at the slim selection. “Yeah.”

I really should have gone to the store this morning. We’d have to go on our way home, or I wouldn’t have anything to send with Sadie for snack or lunch. Payday was still another week and a half away, and I only had a couple hundred left in my account. I needed to make sure I had enough for gas, too.

At least Sadie didn’t complain about the simple meals. She was getting her favorites: eggs, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, spaghetti, and grilled cheese without me pushing her to try something new.

It won’t always be like this.

I had to remind myself several times a day that it would get better. We just had to get through this stretch before my paycheck. It wasn’t like I was new at this. My blog made just enough for us to live on without pinching every penny, but since I decided to dedicate more time to job hunting, the already decreased monthly revenue was significantly less, and I only got paid at the end of every month.

If I really, really had to, I could ask my parents for help. Just a little loan to tie us over next week. I hated doing it. I knew they had enough to worry about with my siblings and their extracurriculars, so it was only a last-resort option.

“Can we have grill cheese?”

I grabbed the block of cheese and butter. “Of course we can.”

“Can I help?” She reached for the edge of the counter and stood on her tiptoes.

“Sure.” I lifted her up and sat her a few feet away from the stove, so she could see but wasn’t within reach of the pan.