Page 36 of Trick Play

“Yes.” I pushed his plate toward him, hoping the scent of melted cheese and spicy pepperoni would distract him.

“I shouldn't have touched your phone. I’m sorry.”

I took a bite and tried to find the right words, unsure of how much he’d heard. “He’s protective. He flew out after we … he helped me.”

He didn’t make a move toward the food, just watched me. “What do you mean?”

I rubbed the spot between my brows where I felt a headache forming. “Things were hard for me. Really hard.” I met his curious gaze. “When we broke up, I didn’t take it well. I gave up going to one of my dream schools to stay close to you. I felt like I threw everything away for nothing. I didn’t see the breakup coming. You completely blindsided me, and when I tried to ask questions to understand, you walked away. I was left confused, broken, and in so much pain. I stopped eating, going to classes, even getting out of bed. I fell into a deep depression, and Lauren called my parents. She was worried about me, and at the time I was mad at her for calling them, but looking back, I would have done the same for her if the roles were reversed.”

“Kennedy.” He tried to speak, but I stopped him.

“I never wanted to tell you all of this, but now that I am, please let me.”

Chapter 12

Ethan

I slumped back, not arguing. My gut told me I didn’t want to hear any more, but she deserved to have me listen. I caused this. It was my burden to bear.

“Whit came from New York and stayed until I could pull myself back together. He helped me decide whether or not I wanted to transfer and communicated with my professors so I didn’t fall behind. He made sure I ate, slept, and showered. He listened to me cry and question what went wrong. He held me up until I could finally stand on my own again. That’s the last memory he has of you. He’s able to block out the time before when we were happy and in love. He chooses to only see you as the villain.”

I understood, better than most. I hated the boys who hurt Haley. If they hadn’t died in an accident, I would have hunted them down and made them pay for what they’d done. I was surprised Whit never confronted me after the breakup. I certainly deserved it. “I can’t blame him.”

She let out a breath and nodded.

“I’m sorry, Kennedy.” I wanted to reach out to her, but she looked so vulnerable. I didn’t know if she would pull away, and I couldn’t handle that rejection right now. “I should have said that to you a long time ago. I’m really, really sorry.”

Her gaze dropped to her plate.

“I appreciate the pizza, and I’m glad we settled on a subject. We can work out when we can go downtown later.” I stood and left, unable to stay in that room a second longer. She didn’t call out for me, so I didn’t look back as I shut the door behind me.

She called me a classmate. That’s really all we were now, and I was honored she even called me that. I knew I’d hurt her when I ended our relationship, but I never could have imagined how bad it had been for her.

I should have checked on her. I should have tried to keep some sort of relationship between us, not close friends, but something. We were each other’s world, then in a moment, we were strangers.

Hockey had become my sole focus. I threw my heart, mind, and soul into practice, training, and watching past games. Anything to prove that giving up the woman I loved was worth it.

Up until recently, I’d done a decent job of convincing myself. She was free to date whomever she wanted. Be with a man who could give her all she ever wanted and more. Someone who could put her first, like she deserved. She was happy. She wasn’t weighed down by me or my problems.

She was supposed to do better without me, but now I knew how blind I’d been. I’d made us both miserable, but who was to say it was a mistake? What if we’d stayed together, and it dragged out the suffering? I knew in my heart I couldn’t have been the boyfriend she deserved. Hockey took top priority, and keeping up in school required the rest of my time. When would I have been able to see her, let alone take her on dates?

The facts hadn’t changed, but I felt like less than dirt for how much pain and suffering I’d caused.

Hunter and Reid watched me during practice, and I caught them exchanging looks with Benjamin when they thought I wasn’t paying attention. I knew I was acting off, quiet, but I didn’t have an explanation I wanted to share.

They would have my back and try to make me feel better, but I didn’t want that. I didn’t deserve it. I took my frustration and anguish, and I channeled it into my skating and passes.

By the time Coach blew the whistle to end practice, I was soaked in sweat, and all the guys were giving me a wide berth. Reid eyed me, looking like he wanted to approach, but I shook my head and walked straight past everyone into the locker room, pulling off my gear and throwing it in a pile before claiming the first shower.

I scrubbed my hair and my face as if it would make the doubts and guilt wash away, but nothing helped.

“Clarkson. My office. Now.” Coach stood in the doorway of the locker room. I glanced down at my bare chest and toweled waist, but he didn’t blink, so I followed him down the hall and took a seat, not leaning my damp back against the leather.

“What’s up?” There couldn’t possibly be any bad news. Right? The universe didn’t have anything left to throw at me. I couldn’t take it at this point.

“I felt you should know that we haven’t heard anything back from Tyler Rodriguez. That’s not completely unheard of, but it’s also not a great sign.”

I dropped my chin to my chest. So, I’d been wrong.