Page 37 of Trick Play

“But that’s only one team, Clarkson. There will be other chances, other teams.”

Of course there were, but would any of them be interested in me? I highly doubted it.

“I also got an update from your tutor and counselor. You got a C on your last project, which didn’t raise your grade overall, but it didn’t bring it down either.”

I closed my eyes, absorbing that punch. Ten hours of working on that with my tutor. I couldn’t even do it right with someone next to me, working through each step together and double-checking. How was that possible? She wasn’t supposed to do any of the work for me, but come on. How did I still get a C?

This was ridiculous.

I should have dropped out years ago. I should never have tried the college route. I was in a perfect position to join the minors, and I could have waited for my time and eventually been picked up by a team, but no. I listened to my coaches. I obeyed my parents.

College wasn’t right for me. It never was, and at this point, it would take a miracle to graduate.

What if no other scouts came? I took a huge risk coming here rather than one of the top schools, knowing I’d get more playing time, but I might have ruined my chance for a career four years ago, without even knowing.

“That’s good news, Ethan.”

I scoffed. If he thought me hanging on by a thread was good news, he was delusional.

“I can’t catch a break,” I mumbled.

He came around the desk and stood in front of me. I lifted my head, a force of habit to look him in the eyes and listen when he spoke. “I know school hasn’t been easy for you, but you’re one of the strongest men I know because of it. You refuse to give up the fight. You refuse to take the easy route. You give this team your all, week after week. That doesn’t go unnoticed.”

“I appreciate that, Coach, but I’m not sure my effort means much outside of this arena.”

His look turned even more serious, “You have no idea how much it means. Not just for you, but for the guys in that locker room. You’re a leader. They look up to you, whether or not you see that.”

“So, I’ll leave behind a legacy that might last until the last freshman graduates, then what? I’ll be another guy that almost made it. Someone who can’t hold a real job because his brain doesn’t work right. A has-been who’s passed his peak and will live the rest of his life talking about the best four years back in college when he thought he might actually be something more.”

I didn’t know I had all those thoughts and feelings festering in me, and once I started, I couldn’t stop the flow.

“Ethan?” His brows furrowed, and he crossed his arms. “Do you really think of yourself like that?”

I shrugged. What did it matter? It was all the truth. I was working on accepting it, and soon everyone else would too.

“That’s not what I think.”

Normally, his words might have helped. But not now. Not today.

“Is there anything else, Coach?”

He stared at me for a moment before stepping back. “No, go on home and rest.”

I nodded once and stood, heading back to the locker room to throw on clothes and put away my gear before slipping out. I thought I heard Reid calling after me, but I didn’t stop. I didn’t want to see him or any of the guys. Admitting all my failures and listening to their attempts to placate me wasn’t remotely appealing.

But I didn’t want to be alone either. My circle of friends was wider than Reid or Benjamin’s because I hung out with a lot of the guys from the basketball, football, and baseball teams pretty regularly, while they only interacted with them at parties or school events.

Reid knew I stayed at Shawn’s house regularly now, but I doubted he’d follow me there. Not today. Maybe if I didn’t show up in a couple of days, but I thought I’d made it pretty clear I needed space.

I didn’t bother texting on my way over. If Shawn wasn’t home, one of the guys would be, and I could hang out with them. The best part of being friends with guys from the other teams was that they were usually too consumed with their own drama to ask about mine. Each group had its own problems, and we gave each other a break when we got together. I didn’t ask about the basketball team, and they didn’t ask about hockey.

This was the closest I’d ever get to just being me, no expectations or worrying they were only using me for notoriety. It sounded arrogant, and pretty presumptuous, that we needed a place to get away from the rest of the campus, but sports were a huge deal here. Athletes were treated like celebrities, and while I played along most of the time, there were days I needed to escape.

“Hey, man, the guys are downstairs,” Andy, a center, said as I stepped into the house on his way out.

“Thanks, see ya.”

He waved over his shoulder, pulling his backpack on so I shut the door behind him and headed to the basement.