Page 45 of Trick Play

“Hey.” I stopped when we were eye level, and he gave me a small smile.

“Hi.”

“Do you want to come in?”

He nodded as he stood, and I unlocked my door and let him in. Lauren sat on the couch, eating a bowl of ramen when we entered.

Her grin disappeared into a death glare when she saw him behind me. “What is Lucifer doing here?”

He coughed at the nickname. “Hi, Lauren. I was hoping to have a chance to talk to Kennedy.”

She waved around the room with her chopsticks. “Feel free.”

When she made no move to leave, he shrugged and took a seat at the farthest end of the other couch, far out of her reach.

“I appreciate you giving me time to think and not pressing me for more yesterday.”

Lauren’s head swiveled between us. I told her that there’d been an emergency and that was why I was gone, and since we were texting and our schedules were opposite yesterday, I was able to put her off. Until now.

“I spoke with Haley and Reid, and you were right. Talking about it did help.”

I was simultaneously relieved he opened up to them while disappointed it wasn’t me.

“Good.”

“But it made me realize that there are things I need to talk to you about too.”

Lo’s brows shot up, but she showed zero signs of leaving. Either he didn’t care, or he assumed I would tell her everything later. I wouldn’t, well just the highlights. This was his deal, I was along for the ride. If he seemed uncomfortable at any point, I’d shoo her out.

“I don’t know if you’ll believe me because honestly, I can’t.” He paused and stared back at me. “I truly thought I was doing the right thing. It was painful and miserable and the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I got through it because I thought breaking up was the right thing to do not only for me, but for you.”

I opened my mouth, but he wasn’t done.

“That’s not the part I don’t think you’ll believe. The worst part was that since I so firmly held onto that truth, I never stopped to consider all the ways it would affect you.”

Lo snorted, and I shot her a glare. If she was going to witness this, she was going to be silent.

“Ethan, how could you not think it would affect me?” There was no way he was that dense, even when we were eighteen. “I loved you. I gave up my dreams to move here with you because I knew you were my future. I would have done anything to keep us together.”

He rubbed his jaw. “I listened to the coaches and to the older guys on the team. They told us stories about how things don’t work out for relationships because we can’t divide our time. The rules are so strict here, and I didn’t want to take any chances of messing up. I knew being on the team would be too much for me on top of my classes, then adding in you and giving you what you deserved.” He paused and finally looked up at me. “I wasn’t enough for you. I couldn’t be who you needed, not while I was here.”

“You never gave me the chance to say otherwise. You never even asked.”

His shoulders slumped. “I know.”

Lo’s head bounced back and forth between us. She knew this was the argument I had with myself since the night he broke up with me. This was my chance.

“That’s what hurt the most, Ethan. It wasn’t that you broke my heart or left me behind. It wasn’t even that I changed all my plans for you. I take responsibility for that. The one thing that killed me was that you never even brought it up. It wasn’t a discussion about how we would handle college and the team and the expectations. Somehow strangers were able to convince you what we needed. You listened to them without once considering what I might think or say.”

“I thought it was for the best.”

“It wasn’t. You invalidated our entire relationship with that one decision. You made it clear to me that you didn’t care what I thought or felt. It was only ever about you. How to make you happy. How to make things easier for you. There was no rule about dating, but somehow you got that in your head.”

“It was all too much.”

Lo snorted, but I ignored her. “I could have helped. We could have worked through it the same way we had in high school. There were the same challenges then.” I took a second to calm down. “We got through your struggles with classes and grades. Sure, teachers were more willing to look the other way and excuse your assignments because you were traveling for games, but we still had to study. I figured out a system that worked for you.”

He nodded.