Page 103 of Home of the Brave

“That leaves her to make all the sacrifices? That’s absurd. I’d never want a relationship so out of balance.” Josh pushed away from the table and stood. “I’m not going to keep entertaining this.” He looked at me. “Can I walk you to your hotel?”

“What about dinner?” Madi pleaded. “We’ll drop it, I promise.”

“I don’t have an appetite anymore,” Josh said and held out his hand. It wasn’t even a question in my mind of what I should do.

I took it and let him help me stand, then glanced at Erik and Madi. “See you guys later.”

I didn’t have anything else to say, so we walked away, and it wasn’t until we were on the sidewalk that I realized Josh was still holding my hand.

“That was absurd,” he breathed out. “First, I didn’t know you were going to be there. Please don’t think I had anything to do with that.”

“Madi only mentioned Erik when she invited me.” I explained. “So I’m not surprised they did the same to you.”

He squeezed my hand and looked down like he’d just realized we were still connected, but I didn’t pull away. He didn’t either.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into them. Madi’s job has always been a priority. I can’t imagine anyone telling her to up and move or give it up in any way.”

“You don’t have to apologize for them.” That was the last thing I wanted. He’d stood up to them on my behalf.

“It’s just so unlike them. The Pride is all about empowering women and supporting them, especially in their careers.” He went on, “Giving up anything for a man? They would never push that.”

That was the same vibe I got from the women I’d met. Tonight was a major contrast to everything I thought I knew about them, and Madi.

“I don’t want you to think about anything they said, not for a second.” He stopped and faced me. “Don’t move, don’t change your goals.” He finally released my hand, and I hated the feeling of loss immediately. “You were right to want to keep things professional.”

“Just because it’s the most logical decision doesn't mean it isn’t hard,” I admitted, unable to meet his gaze. “It’s not what I want.”

“You…what do you mean?”

I slowly looked up. “I don’t want to not give us a chance. I don’t want to put space between us. If all that mattered was listening to what I wanted, then we couldn’t be here right now.” I focused on the buildings behind him; it was too hard to say this while looking at him. “But what we want doesn't matter, you know? There are things in life we have to do, and sometimes that means we don’t get what we want.”

I wasn’t sure if that made sense; if he understood what I was trying to say. I wanted to run. I didn’t want to face these feelings. The disappointment. The longing. The what could have been.

“If both of our lives were completely different, we could be together?” he asked.

“Exactly,” I sighed and closed my eyes.

“That sucks,” he let out a small laugh. “But at least I know now it’s not because you didn’t like me. It wasn’t one-sided.”

“It was very mutual,” I smiled.

Why did it have to be this easy with him? Why could we stand here, admitting our feelings, accepting the truth of our defeat, and still enjoy it because we’re together? It didn’t make sense.

How could things feel this right when it was wrong for us?

My heart was begging me to say forget it. We’ll try. We’ll see if we can make it long-distance.

But neither of us wanted that.

Sometimes Mr. Right was in front of you, and you had to let him walk away.

“Do you want to get some pizza?” he said after a long stretch of silence.

I pretended to think about it. “As a matter of fact, I do.”

“Perfect.” He put his hand around my shoulders, and we walked further from the restaurant until we found a pizzeria and joined the line.

He stood behind me, close enough for me to feel his heat on my back. I wanted to lean into him, and it took all my self-control not to.