Page 124 of Tailwind

‘Lena, if you don’t talk about it, you’ll explode. Not to be the one to point out the obvious, but last time that happened you managed to tank your career.’

Abenon plumed smoke out of his nostrils as an errant flick of the rake sent pellets flying his way.

‘At least tell me that you’re okay.’ Her voice softened.

My resolve to work myself to death evaporated. I tossed the rake down and sloshed through the copper to Josie. I flopped my head forward on to her shoulder and stared at our feet.

‘The attention seems to be largely positive.’ Her attempt at making me feel better was sweet, but ineffective.

I closed my eyes. He was there again, kissing me in the dark. So I opened them back up.

‘Theo and I, we—’ I cleared my throat and straightened up, not sure if I could say it out loud.

‘Finally. Why are you mad though? Was he bad? Selfish?’ There was no embarrassment or judgement in her tone. She was talking like this was pure, obvious fact.

‘No!’ I hated how quick I was to correct her. For all the mistakes made the night before, at least he’d been good. Too good.

‘Lena? When I said you needed to talk, I did mean using more than one word at a time.’

‘Ugh.’ I dragged my hands over my face.

She led me to the giant open archway and sat me down outside. I let my head fall back against the wall, watching Vilmaren as she took off into the sky.

Josie joined me on the grass, crossing her legs ‘It makes you feel better, Lena. It might suck at first, but saying the difficult stuff out loud lessens the burden. Even more than punching people does.’

‘Is that why you’re so …?’ I held out my hand, steady as I traced a line in the air.

‘Yes,’ she nodded. ‘How do you think I made it through eight years of Volitant?’

‘I figured you were doing it alone, that you were just better than me.’ She was kind enough to laugh at that. ‘So, what? You tell Jas all your problems?’

Josie sighed, looking out over the ranch. ‘Not usually. Don’t get me wrong. He’s great, but he doesn’t always get it. I find it easier to talk to other women.’

Her fingers tapped on her knees. If there had been a stack of paper she’d have been squaring the corners.

‘Women who you date?’ I kept myself leaning back on the wall, trying to balance out the tension that was keeping Josie’s back overly straight.

‘Yeah.’ She was doing her best to be casual. ‘Everyone here knows, but not at work.’

I shrugged, matching the mood. ‘Good for you. Men are only good for sex anyway. Friendship too, if they’re lucky.’

‘First of all,’ – From her tone and the way she raised a finger it seemed I’d triggered a lecture. – ‘if you think dating women is easier or less dramatic than dating men, you’re wrong.’

I held up my hands in surrender. ‘I have the worst example on the continent for reference, Josie. Cam’s more allergic to relationships than me. The one time she brought a woman home my big scary sister paid me to make breakfast and get her on the next train. I was thirteen and Cam’s a coward.’

Josie’s face expressed a few different emotions as I recounted the happy memory: shock, confusion, disdain … then concern.

‘What? Because your sister set a bad example, you don’t do relationships? At all?’ Of all the information she could have picked to investigate further, she had to go for that one. She really was wasted as a keeper.

I scrunched up my face. Talking about feelings was one thing, but explaining the reason why was another. I sighed, locking my hands behind my neck.

‘Why would I? No relationship ends well. If someone doesn’t bail out early then you’re stuck hating each other forever. Quitting is the better option, but avoiding it all together is best.’ Cam had really set a good example.

‘So, you’ve been raised by your disaster of a sister. Your only childhood friend was Theo Vaspre, who flirts with anything that moves, but has been surprisingly loyal this year. And as an adult you’ve just been having casual sex instead of any emotional connection?’

I nodded, content to not touch the root of the topic. ‘Yeah, that sums it up pretty well.’

‘That’s why you’re here all angry and hurt … because Theo wanted more than just sex?’