Page 14 of Secret Sins

It was shameful to admit, but I’d followed Bailey down to the water and watched her wade into the ocean, looking so carefree and weightless.

Those were feelings I couldn't achieve, and it made my jealousy surge higher. She was happy, had a man who wasn't constantly hiding in the shadows, and had friends and family who adored her.

I’d become obsessed with her; I could admit that to myself. She hadn't spent much time with the guy, and they hadn't kissed or anything when he got in his car. But it was easy to assume they were together, that he was a new boyfriend or something. Clearly, she and I weren't going to work out, so she’d found someone else.

It was stupid of me to feel hurt at that thought. We’d barely spoken a few words to each other, and they weren’t sweet ones. She thought she could be my friend, but I couldn't afford to make any.

I told myself I only followed her to make sure she was safe, but I knew that wasn't why. I wanted to be the one to kiss her goodnight, to walk her to her door after a date, and say goodnight properly.

I simply couldn't.

My life wasn't suited to normalcy or to being out in the open with anyone. She deserved what I couldn't offer, and I figured she knew that. It was a weakness to even step foot in her shop, to look at her with all her gorgeous hair and big brown eyes. Thinking I was worthy of a woman like her was laughable.

I slept fitfully, waking too early for any sane person, and headed to work after walking Heidi. Day in and day out, the job never changed. It was exhausting but mindless. Since I didn't want to let my imagination wander to things it had no business focusing on, I sang under my breath or tried to remember the plot of movies I'd seen or books I’d read. At midmorning, Liam came in with a canvas bag in his hands, breaking up the monotony.

"Wife said to give you this."

"What is it?" I asked warily, squinting at him.

"Think of it as a welcome basket."

Accepting the bag without looking inside, I set it as far from the yuck under my table as I could. "Tell her thanks."

"I will."

Awkwardness concluded, I held up the processed fish for his inspection.

"Perfect, thanks. Will we see you again soon?"

"Yeah, actually." Shifting my feet, I wriggled my toes in my boots to encourage circulation. "Your produce is awesome."

"I'll tell Ro you said so. See you later, Van."

I managed to wait until the end of my shift, washing my throbbing hands before picking up the bag. It was the kind with their store logo, which Liam said they sold after giving the first one for free. Stepping out into the sunshine of just past one, I scrounged in the bag to see what Liam's wife had given me.

I could suck it up and say I understood everyone's need to help everyone else in this town. Admitting that I was cheesy enough to feel warm and fuzzy about some of them accepting me as their fellow citizen didn't make me a wuss.

Accepting their gossiping about me was a harder pill to swallow.

Finding a larger tin of the goat's milk hand cream Bailey used only made me feel appreciation for Ro Pembrook. She was looking out for me, and it was nice.

But pulling out two paperbacks—one a mystery and one a police procedural—pushed my blood pressure to the limit. I’d kept myself away from Bookish on purpose, had avoided buying a book from the woman who ran the place so she wouldn't be caught in my crosshairs, and in return she went behind my back to circumvent my desires.

Marching the multiple blocks to the bookstore, I strode through the open doors and directly up to the counter.

"Do you think it's acceptable to run your mouth about me to everyone you know?"

With a steady gaze focused over my shoulder, Bailey stepped out from behind the counter. "Are you ready to check out, Susan?"

Feeling like a fucking idiot, I moved aside so Bailey could ring up the customer I'd interrupted. Mostly, I wanted to bolt back out the door, tuck my tail between my legs, and pretend nothing had happened. I was in deep now, I could sense it.

"Have a great day, and do come again."

As a brother and son, I recognized the extremely false tone of voice of a pissed woman trying to keep it in check.

"Well, let's have it, then. What are you accusing me of, exactly?"

The sight of her arms crossed over her chest nearly made me change my mind about the entire discussion. Unfortunately, I'd charged in like a bull and now had to finish what I'd so foolishly started. "Why did Liam Pembrook bring me a gift from his wife that conveniently included books from your store?"