Page 38 of Secret Sins

"I was afraid of that."

"But if you trust me—"

"I do, more than anyone but my sister."

Tears pricked my eyelids. The last remaining pieces of my heart fell to my toes, flopping like a fish on the sidewalk. Though I'd known I couldn't continue holding out against loving him for much longer, I wasn't sure if that freefall had completed until this moment.

"That's good enough for me," I assured him.

After all, he'd split open his entire soul for me, showing me the messy inner parts that weren't so good. Trust was a two-way street, and he'd proven himself repeatedly.

Some quirky part of me wanted to tell him about Riley calling it knocking boots instead of sex. But I was certain I'd only embarrass him, so I waited patiently while he unlocked the door and let Heidi inside first. She went straight for her water bowl to get herself a drink before plopping down on the kitchen floor. I wrung my hands nervously while I waited for Van to set down his wallet and keys.

His apartment was mostly just the one room, though the bathroom veered off behind the kitchen. The bed was neatly made, a navy and white striped comforter straightened with precision over the mattress. I suddenly worried what my breath must smell like, but I'd been careful to avoid garlic at lunch. The strawberry ice cream we'd shared was the last thing I'd eaten, so I hoped that was what lingered. Nerves fluttered in my belly as Van went into the bathroom and came back out.

Since he looked as nervous as I did, it actually made me feel better. "I'll be right out," I said, and ducked into his little bathroom. It kind of looked like someone had dumped a bottle of Imodium all over the tiles. The minty green was kind of cute, but I focused on using the toilet and washing my hands, checking my breath the best I could, and trying to resist rummaging for mouthwash. I didn't want to violate his trust in me, so I settled for drinking some water from the tap and drying my hands.

Van stood with his back to me when I emerged. The window on that wall was not very big, but it had a nice view of a small green space behind the building.

"My real name isn't Van."

Silence descended after that. It made sense that he would choose a pseudonym to hide under, but I hadn't even stopped to think about it.

"I was born Justin Wilson; most often, they called me Wilson on the streets."

My tongue wanted to stick to the roof of my mouth. As promised, he handed me everything he had inside him, all tied up in a bow. All his secrets were now mine, and I vowed silently to guard them with my entire being.

"Donovan is my middle name, and I chose to shorten it further when I crossed the country to hide. My new last name comes from a distant relative on my mother's side."

He had never told me his last name, but I knew it from all the town gossip. "So Van Davies is already a cover name?"

"Yes." Hands in his pockets, he turned. "It's a good name, and I like it better than my birth name. I don't know what will happen when I approach the authorities about an alternate identity. I'm sort of terrified they'll make me change everything. Again."

"Do you want me to do it for you?"

He tilted his head, and the late afternoon sun lit his hair on fire. "It might be for the best if someone other than you or me goes down there. I don't want someone to spot me. Or you, since everyone knows by now we're together."

"Ro is who I'd trust to do that." Any of my friends would help, honestly, but she came to mind first. "I'll ask her about it if you want me to."

"Okay."

Clasping my fingers together, I took a few steps forward. "We'll be okay, you know."

"There's no guarantee." He closed his eyes. "I learned a long damn time ago, there are no guarantees in life."

"So did I," I said. "Losing my parents so young solidified that for me."

"I guess the difference is that you took that to mean life has to be grabbed by the balls and lived with all your heart."

I smiled. "And you take the more cautious route, which leaves you rather miserable."

"I'm not miserable anymore, Bailey. And it's because of you."

My mouth was dry again, so I swallowed. "I want you to be happy, Van. With or without me."

"But I want to be happy with you." Closing the distance between us, he said, "You're already happy without me. I want to try to be happy together."

With my palm on his cheek, I rose to kiss him gently. "As long as you remain honest with me, I think we have a shot."