Page 57 of Secret Sins

"There was a man in here while you were next door." Swallowing past a dry mouth, I forced myself to continue. "He scared me, most likely for no reason. But I was terrified you'd come back from the bakery and run into someone you used to know."

Gripping his hand in his hair, he said, "That's always a possibility."

"Always has been, yeah." And yet, for some reason, it had messed me up inside today.

"Why would you ask about the scar right now instead of telling me about that guy?"

"I don't know." Shaking my head, I repeated, "I don't know."

"There are such awful memories tied to that scar that I can't talk about them, even with you."

Feeling pain lance through my heart, I sat heavily in the armchair. "What do you mean, you can’t talk about it with me? I thought you'd shared all your secrets."

"Because it tears me up inside to think about it." Pausing, he hugged his arms to his chest. "I can't. I just can't."

And I watched my lover walk out of my life for the hundredth time.

Chapter 21

Van

Whatever I'd thought the day would bring, this wasn't it. Pacing my tiny apartment after walking Heidi, I tried to figure out what to do next. Bailey deserved to know everything about me, and I had intended to tell her, eventually.

Just not right now. Not when the memory was still too fresh in my soul, too terrible to speak of out loud.

If the stranger in the store had scared her, maybe it was someone with ill intentions. Or perhaps she was jittery because I'd made her that way. Dropping into her peaceful life like some kind of bomb, I'd blown up her life's plans. The fact that she put up with me, that she loved me despite my flaws, never ceased to amaze me. And I would do my best to protect her from my past, to figure out how to live a life that didn't include constantly looking over our shoulders. I was committed to that, and to her.

But this . . .

I needed someone to speak to, and I didn't know who would listen to my rambling without judging me. Usually, that would be Bailey, but who did I go to when I needed advice about how to talk to her?

Only one name came to mind: Riley.

Riley had a naturally understanding soul. She might as well be Bailey's biological mother, for all the similarities they shared. Sure, they had opposing characteristics too, but Riley must have taught Bailey the quiet patience she shared with me.

The weight on my chest drove me out my front door, and I set out on a walk. Riley and Jay lived far enough that I should have driven, but that wasn't an option. I just hoped one of them was home when I got there.

The blue Victorian I'd only seen once loomed in the distance at the top of a hill. Living here had kept up the amount of walking I used to do on the streets, but I was still out of breath when I reached the hilltop.

Goats bleated in the near distance, and I glanced around the side of the house to see Riley milking one. Feeling foolish, I knocked on the gate and called out.

Looking up, Riley frowned quickly before covering that expression with a smile. "Van! Come on in the gate, dear."

With my heart in my throat, I pushed through the gate and latched it behind me.

"What brings you here?"

Yes, what brought me here? Impulse? "I need someone to talk to."

"Well, certainly." Patting her goat on the back, she pulled off her gloves and set them aside. Watching me walk closer, she tilted her head. "Need a hug?"

How did she know? "I don't particularly like being touched."

"That's fine, dear."

And yet, my heart seemed to weep at the thought of missing out on human contact. "I think I would like a hug, though. If that's okay?"

Silently, she crossed the grass and pulled me close. Smelling of fresh air and some sort of light perfume, Riley made me feel like a young boy again. As if my mother comforted me, or the figure she represented when I was little and had injured myself. When a bruised ego and scraped knee were easily fixed with a hug and a bandage.