Page 61 of Secret Sins

"All you need to say is that you're safe."

"I also need to ask if anyone has been sniffing around." Scrubbing his hands over his face, Van picked up his hamburger and took a bite. We ate in silence for a few minutes, but everything tasted bland through my heightened emotions.

After a while, he met my eyes again. "More than anything, I want to hear her voice."

"I understand." After all, what would I give to hear my mother's voice? Or my father's laugh?

"Do you think—" He broke off.

Running my thumb over the back of his hand, I asked, "What?"

"Do you think she'll be ashamed of me?"

Fucking hell, this man was so precious to me. "How could she be ashamed of how far you've come? She loved you through prison and beyond, baby."

Nodding, he wiped his hands on a napkin and picked the phone back up. The battery was at 7%, so he powered it on. With trembling fingers, he punched in Beth's number and held the phone to his ear. Instinctively, I reached out to clasp his free hand.

"Beth." He had to pause and clear his throat, and I realized he was speaking to her voicemail. "Fuck, I'm so sorry."

Tightening my grip on him, I tried to convey how strongly I stood with him. Hopefully, I could infuse him with courage.

"I'm safe, but I need to know if you're safe, too. Please call this number when you can. I don't care what time it is; please let me know they're not after you."

He hung up, picking up a napkin and dabbing at his eyes. We sat in silence for several moments, and then he gulped some of his drink.

"She'll call."

"Unless they've already gotten to her."

God, I hadn't thought of it that way. "I believe she's safe, and I think she believes the same about you."

With a grateful smile, he said, "Your optimism helps more than you know."

We left, heading back to Van's apartment. Heidi greeted us at the door, and Van kept the phone in his pocket while we walked her together. Maybe she sensed something, or maybe she was too well-trained for anything else, but she was a bit subdued as we watched the last of the sun disappear behind the bay.

Somehow, it felt like an eternity had passed since we'd been at my apartment on Saturday and Sunday. Anticipation of our first time at his place raced along my veins as we headed back, but I pushed it away. Knowing how drained he was after a long day at work and dealing with so many emotions, I suggested we go to bed as soon as we returned from our walk. It wasn't very late, and I didn't know if I'd sleep, but he needed the rest. It probably wouldn't hurt me to get a few extra hours of downtime, either.

We took turns in the bathroom, mainly because it was too small for the both of us, and then slipped into the bed side-by-side. He had a double bed, so it was a good thing I planned to spend the hours close against him. As soon as our heads hit the pillows, Van pulled me to his chest and enveloped me in his warmth. He smelled so good, his heartbeat thrumming in time with mine, and emotions surged through me. The scruff on his jaw tickled my ear when he murmured his love for me.

Tingles spread, but I suppressed my desire. Unless he initiated something, I would make myself behave. "I love you, too," I told him quietly in the darkening night.

Minutes later, he was fast asleep. All I could do was stare at the wall, listening to Heidi get comfortable on the rug. The refrigerator kicked in, the humming noise a nice backdrop to the otherwise oppressive silence. When tears trickled down the side of my face, I turned into the pillow to dry them.

There was no hint of sun when I felt Van kiss my temple. Blinking, I watched him hover over me, fully dressed for work. "I wish I could stay."

His whisper made an ache pulse in my core, but I only lifted up and kissed his soft mouth. "Be careful."

"You too."

He left, locking the door, and I sat up, unable to sleep anymore. Heidi was in the kitchen eating from her bowl, so I decided I might as well get a quick shower and head home to take care of my own fur baby. The pressure was stingy, but at least the water got hot.

Feeling more awake, I pulled on yesterday's clothes and wondered idly if we should leave a few things at each other's apartments. With a scrub on the head for Heidi, I headed out, turning the bottom lock behind me.

The sun was barely making an entrance over the horizon as I drove home. I wanted coffee and something sugary to start my day, but I needed fresh clothes and to check on Charlie first. Making it fast, I pulled on jean shorts and my red Chucks, tying my favorite bandana over a messy bun to hide my hair's unwashed status.

Downstairs, the bakery had just opened their doors as I entered the kitchen. Since Ellie was busy ringing up customers, I helped myself to coffee and then nearly drooled at the almond croissants Alex was dusting with powdered sugar.

"I guess I know what I'm having this morning," I commented.