Page 35 of 13 Rules For Fantastic Phone Sex

She pauses, waiting for me to guilt spew. I resist. I don’t have to fill the silence. I do not. I don’t. Fucking hell, can we not do this?

“I, uh,” I say, then go silent. I’m not going to talk about this with anyone. I’m not doing it.

“Yes?”

Fuckity fuck fuck. Sheepish, I say, “I broke a rule.”

“Well, praise Jesus and hallelujah, it’s about time,” she says like a cable preacher as her snark runneth over. “Was it Rule Two again, with you hanging up when he falls asleep?”

I squirm and remain silent. Then she digs in. “Or did you lose your fucking mind and violate Rule Nine by having outside contact with a caller, which always ends up with someone getting fired?” she says, serious, her smile waning into concern. “Don’t get me wrong, if there’s ever been a man worth being locked out of your own company for, it’s Henry Sterling, but please don’t.”

“Geez,” I say, irritated. “I’m not a moron. I violated Rule Three. I started the sexy talk.”

Jessica is rubbing her temples like I’m giving her a raging headache. “Thank god. If it was outside contact, we were going to have a major problem with Ana.”

“Well, no.” All I had to do was stay silent, and yet what do I do? I speak. I open my big fat mouth, and the truth falls out. “It was the first time ever.”

She gapes at me. “Henry has been calling for what, seven months, and you two just had some sort of phone sex détente? You’ve never gotten phone sexy?”

“Correct,” I say with a shrug as my cheeks heat.

She looks at me and blinks. A lot. “Jesus, it’s like finding out Westley and Buttercup don’t actually like each other.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Everyone’s super weirdly curious about Henry. He would be so embarrassed if he even knew we were talking about this.”

She laughs. “He would be embarrassed, or you would?”

Ouch.

“Me.” Humiliated even. “I would be.” I stop making eye contact and look at my elbow like it’s suddenly interesting.

“You, Kaitlin MacPhoneHo, who once jumped on my desk, pantomimed slapping a juicy booty, and yelled—in front of an audience of at least eight people, mind—‘Take it, Nasty, take it!’ at a caller while you pretended to peg him, are embarrassed to have people know you had phone sex? The watercooler delivery guy hasn’t looked any of us in the eye since that day, that poor man. There you were, being you, in the middle of the office.”

She chuckles, and I giggle, and everything is right with the world again.

“That was hilarious,” she says.

Jessica’s right. I’m shameless when it comes to phone sex. I can have—and have done—phone sex in the center of a busy room and thought it was hi-fucking-larious. I am being weird.

Jess chuckles at the memory, then asks, “Does Henry know you want him forever and always?”

I shake my head. “I don’t…” I’m not his. He’s not mine.

“Kaitlin,” she says, her voice gentle, “everyone is curious about Henry because you’re so insatiably curious about Henry. You glow. I know from our doorway if it’s Henry on the phone because you’re so cheerful. All the rules you make up to keep yourself and everyone else in line, mostly to protect the soft heart you try to hide… you’ve never let a man get close before. I’m also sure this is a terrible idea. A truly awful, but potentially wonderful, idea.”

She gives me a big hug, then a wicked little smile appears on her gorgeous face. “How did he sound?”

Like the sexiest man alive, like lust on a smut cracker, like an aphrodisiac that could be bottled and sold for millions of dollars per milliliter. “Okay, I guess,” I mumble, like I’m talking about a lukewarm, soggy, unsalted french fry. “Fine.”

She snorts. “You’re so protective,” she says with a laugh. “It’s adorable.”

“I am protective,” I reply. “I’m also territorial, jealous of his friends, any rodents that may reside in his office building, and his best friend slash paralegal Julian, who’s straight. I’m clingy and needy, possessive and obsessive, it’s insane. Luckily, you can be trusted to keep my disgrace to yourself.”

“Kaitlin, have you told him you’re madly in love with him?”

“I’m not,” I say with a shake of my head. “You can’t fall in love with someone over the phone.”

“Hah! You not draining his minute bank while he sleeps is true love.” She’s kind of a jerk sometimes.